MIL wants engagement ring back after husband went no contact

[Nic1210]

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

So many things you could do here!
sell the ring and then go on a mini break or a night out with the money from the sale of the ring!
or get it valued and then tell mil she can buy it off you!

You have made the ring your own. It is yours now. I don't understand why so many posts say it means nothing and just give it back. It has been with you a long time and been good to you. If it was me, I would not part with it.

Did he ever buy you a ring? If so, give hers back and flaunt your one with pride! Your ring will be the family heirloom your daughter deserves!

Definitely give it back OP. I would get an identical one made as you mention your love it so much. Maybe adding something a little different to the design. Something that makes it special and signifies a new beginning for you and your husband. She wants to cause you distress by asking for it back show her it doesn't by returning it.

Even though legally its yours, I would give it back. It was given at a time where the relationship was better.

You got your husband, that's the main thing. If the ring is being used by her as a lever, then give it back, then get a new one to start this new, happy chapter in your lives.

It sounds like a horrible situation for all. Even though I'm sure it's terrible, most people's bad behaviour stems from some sort of pain. I'd put it behind you and pity her.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease Yes. Some people don't even wear their engagement rings, if their mother in law had a say in choosing it... I am thinking there is an element of cocking a snook at the m-i-l, by keeping it.

so, so true.
Better to be a mature adult woman than somebody that lies and makes up stories and loses all their integrity.

Give it back. Maybe then the only reason to contact you will be to apologise

She possibly wants it back to sell.. I'd get a ring you both love and leave her to it .

I would discuss this with your husband. As it was a gift, she doesn't have a leg to stand on, but I would have ir valued, and you can offer to sell it back to her and buy yourself a ring you want. Personally, I wouldn't want to keep it.

People, she has already said she WANTS to keep it!

The ring is obviously precious emotionally to the OP. Then of course it is handmade to the specifications of her MIL's ex husband who had had it made for the MIL's 40th. It is obviously not an ordinary ring so another similar mass produced one would not be the same at all and certainly not better. Finally it was the engagement ring given to the OP from her then fiancee and now her husband of a decade. Her marriage is very happy. The OP has worn the ring for longer than the MIL. It means so much to her. Surely some brainy MN person can think of a suitable rational response the OP could give to the MIL whilst still hanging on to her engagement ring. I agree wholeheartedly with ThatBlackCat: the OP wants to keep it and so she should. And absolutely lastly it is pretty obvious that the MIL did not appreciate the ring otherwise she would have hung on to it herself. It has no emotional meaning to the MIL who may well have hated it, not being her design.

If you want to go no contact etc then I can't imagine why you wouldn't just give it back and then cut contact. It has no sentimental value to you really, you've made comments about it being cursed etc. I don't see why you'd want to hang on to it other than spite and to have something over her.
Just let it go and be done with her.

Read her posts, it has a lot of sentimental value to her and she wants to keep it!

Don't know why if you want to go no contact why keep something she wants that was hers?
And what sentimental value?! It would just remind if someone you don't like
Absolutely bonkers

But thanks for breaking it down, genius, my life is fulfilled at last. Now I know this entitled person wants to keep something of someone's they don't even like
I'd say it's more out of spite than actually wanting it.

How old is your MIL?
Is she in poor health?

Who cares.

Not an issue.

Because it's the OPs, she wants it, and it's HERS.

I'd sell her ring & buy a new one that you & your husband have chose together. Then when she asks for it back you can have great pleasure telling her what you've done.

I would give it back to be honest so she no longer has anything to complain about, it would also just remind me of her everytime I saw it which would ruin it for me anyway.

You are no contact and people like that when u have to cut them out of your life and just grasping at anything to try to draw you back in..

Block her everywhere you can, never respond. That’s all she wants a response. If you have messages that suggest she gave it to her son as a gift to use as an engagement ring at that point it stopped being hers and became hubbies. He passed it to you.

literally all she is doing is trying anything for contact. Take back your power and block and ignore.

I'd tell her I'd lost it.
Months ago.
What a shame.

I would not want it. Too many bad memories. Dont understand why she wants it.

Ooooo I love your thinking!! Giving it back to FIL is ace!!

I would get rid of it personally either give it back to her or the wonderfully petty give it back to FIl and get hubs to buy you a new ring