Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants engagement ring back after husband went no contact

474 replies

Nic1210 · 03/03/2026 09:28

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

OP posts:
ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 03/03/2026 09:42

2chocolateoranges · 03/03/2026 09:33

As others have said,it was a gift however every time I looked at my ring it would remind me of her.

id melt it down and redesign it into a new engagement ring for you.

Perfect! Then you have a ring just for you & DH, and 'her' ring no longer exists. Genius!

BarbaraKirksKaftan · 03/03/2026 09:42

Morally there is no need to give it back but it seems like she is spoiling for a fight. I would be inclined to send it to her (I wouldn’t include any message) and ignore any further correspondence with her.

crowsfleet · 03/03/2026 09:43

I wouldn’t like to keep it even though it’s ‘legally’ yours. Comes with too much baggage

Dexy7655 · 03/03/2026 09:43

Tell her youve sold it! 😅

B1anche · 03/03/2026 09:44

If you love it, keep it.

Sassylovesbooks · 03/03/2026 09:44

The ring gives your MIL the excuse to periodically contact you or your husband and she's trying to use the ring to control you.

Of course, your MIL has no legal recourse, the ring was given as a gift and as such is yours. However, if you gave her the ring back, she would no longer have any reason to contact you and it can't be used to have 'hold' over you.

I would return the ring, and make sure you have something legally drawn up to state that the ring has been returned to your MIL.

I"d then choose a beautiful new ring that you love.

BalletSki · 03/03/2026 09:44

Block her on everything and think no more about it. If she has no way of contacting you, there can't be any drama. You like the ring. It's yours. Don't let her spoil your enjoyment of it.

Pureclass · 03/03/2026 09:45

Im in the same situation. No contact with crazy PIL

I would perhaps give it back just to shut another door, though I'd predict she will probably come back again with another insane hyperfocus to hassle you about.

If you love it keep it.
As you said it reminds you of his parents bad marriage - either give it back or sell it to fund a new one.

If it isn't this issue it will be another one. People like this just dont stop.

Exeata · 03/03/2026 09:45

If I wanted to keep it, I'd keep it - it's your ring.

A lot of people are mentioning that it would remind them of your MIL, so they wouldn't have good feelings towards it. It really depends how you feel about that.

But on that basis then I think it would now probably remind your MIL of you, and of your DH who no longer wants contact with her, and also of her own ex who originally gave it to her. Just so many people who don't like her. If she's that nasty, then a wicked part of me hopes that you give it back, and she has to look at it every day and think about the people she's lost.

Iloveacurry · 03/03/2026 09:45

But MIL received the ring as a gift from her ex husband! Perhaps you should return it to him. Because it was a gift according to her … so should go back to who purchased it! Ha ha.

SatsumaDog · 03/03/2026 09:45

If it’s the only thing she has left to hold over you, I would give it back. I would return it and go and choose another one with your husband.

middleagedandinarage · 03/03/2026 09:45

Newusername0 · 03/03/2026 09:32

You don’t have to give it back. you are perfectly within your rights to keep it and it would not be U to do so.

I would give it back though. It’s something, as you say, she still holds over you. It would remind me of her and the drama. But everyone’s different so YANBU.

Eta… also if you return it, add a note so she knows it wasn’t a legal decision. Explain you’re giving it back only to finally be rid of her!

Edited

Exactly this

FordExplorer · 03/03/2026 09:45

Sorry but if it’s a family ring and you no longer want to be part of the family then you should give it back!!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 03/03/2026 09:46

Sell it and buy a new ring. Feign ignorance.

Tontostitis · 03/03/2026 09:46

Give it back to ex FiL to pass on to her why would you even want to keep a ring that was given to you under those circumstances. I'd think of it as a placement ring til your finances improved which they have

B1anche · 03/03/2026 09:47

FordExplorer · 03/03/2026 09:45

Sorry but if it’s a family ring and you no longer want to be part of the family then you should give it back!!

Try re-reading the OP's posts...

Shittyyear2025 · 03/03/2026 09:48

Give it back. Take the control away from her.

Get a new ring. Have it designed just for you (both). Doesn't have to be an engagement ring design

deeahgwitch · 03/03/2026 09:48

SatsumaDog · 03/03/2026 09:45

If it’s the only thing she has left to hold over you, I would give it back. I would return it and go and choose another one with your husband.

I agree

scrimblescramble · 03/03/2026 09:48

2chocolateoranges · 03/03/2026 09:33

As others have said,it was a gift however every time I looked at my ring it would remind me of her.

id melt it down and redesign it into a new engagement ring for you.

This! No way would I give it back, I couldn't give her the satisfaction.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 03/03/2026 09:49

Nic1210 · 03/03/2026 09:37

I have always had mixed feelings about the ring. And I remember when my husband gave it to me, I knew even back then it would cause drama. I even went so far to believe it is a cursed ring because his parents got it made when they were going through hard times in their marriage!

I have become attached to it over the years and see it now as my ring. But completely agree with what everyone is saying here, it would be liberating to choose out own ring.

In that case OP l would hand it back and draw a line under your relationship with her. It’s the last bit of control she thinks she has over you, and giving it back would send the message loud and clear that she didn’t have that control in the first place. I would also make sure that she’s aware that along with the ring comes her expectation of any further relationship with you or your family.

BauhausOfEliott · 03/03/2026 09:50

You'd absolutely be well within your rights to keep it, but as others have said, might help you make a cleaner break if you return it to her and replace it with a ring you've chosen together. I appreciate that might not be a very affordable course of action though.

I do like the melting it down to make a new ring idea 😈

UninitendedShark · 03/03/2026 09:52

catipuss · 03/03/2026 09:42

Give it back, the details of the ring don't matter or how valuable it may or may not be. Anything would be better than having someone else's ring that they now don't want you to have. I would have given it back the first time.

This. She will always hold it over you so it’s one less thing she will have.

Endofyear · 03/03/2026 09:53

Is it legally yours? Yes, of course. Would I want to keep it in your shoes? Absolutely not. I'd give it back and choose my own ring.

Conniebygaslight · 03/03/2026 09:55

Give it back if you no longer want it. Not for any other reason.

LittleSF · 03/03/2026 09:56

I wouldn’t give it back - you’ve had it for so long, you view it as your ring. Legally and morally it’s yours. If this demand from her changes that and you’d happily give it up, then that’s a bit different. I’d ignore her for now and sit with it - if you can tolerate the fact that she might make more demands for it, and you can brush those off, then I’d see no problem in keeping it.

I totally get what other posters are saying that it’s a reminder of her - but only you can say if you do think of her and the drama every time you see it.

I would sit with it for a while before deciding anything.

Swipe left for the next trending thread