MIL wants engagement ring back after husband went no contact

[Nic1210]

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

I'd give it back - she sounds pretty awful and the ring would remind me of her! Get something new and yours!

In terms of possible engraving and returning, rather than "petty bitch" may I suggest "my precious" instead.

I don't understand how wearing the ring can give you any 'joy' given its history- from a woman you can't stand and a token of her marriage that ended in divorce!

Legally, it is yours.

But we don't have to always enforce our rights, and I think in this instance I'd be seeking a new one from DH. I mean why would you want a ring that was hers if you are not on good terms, and I can see that point from her perspective too.

She’s being mean but I’d send it back. Then that shuts her up. Tell her that she gave it to you, she didn’t lend it, so it’s yours, but as it’s now tainted by her behaviour, you’re giving it back,

If you still need a ring, perhaps you and your husband can choose an eternity ring together.

Savage! And I love it!

Video yourself chucking it into the sea and then get your dh to buy you a new one. Send her the video.

Fuck her! I would block her and keep it!

At the time there was a lot of manipulation going on. At the time he hoped that she was being a kind parent. Maybe she was trying to be. But her spiteful side always comes through in the end.

I do feel that she would have an issue with her son regardless of how he lived his life or who he was in a relationship with. If the ring is back with her, there would be some other issue she would come up with. Hence why we ignore her when there is a rare piece correspondence. We actually believed that she would have written a thoughtful and sincere letter to him as there has been time to reflect, rather than this ring situation.

Honestly I was also thinking to sell it. Send her the details of the pawnbroker should she wish to purchase it.

Yeah maybe it is time for a fresh start

Is it legally yours? Yes, of course. Would I want to keep it in your shoes? Absolutely not. I'd give it back and choose my own ring

I agree. I wouldn't want to keep or wear the ring under these circumstances.
I just wouldn't want it any more.

I would keep it but get it remodelled.

Give it back. The relationship between you hasn’t worked out the way she imagined when she gave her DS the ring.
It was a bad idea to begin with.

I'd sell it and use the money towards a new one. Then I'd block her.

Mil is using this ring to control you by initiating a dialogue around it every so often. I'd take that power away from her by sending the ri g back and getting DH to buy you a new one.

I think yabu.

But we don't have to always enforce our rights, and I think in this instance I'd be seeking a new one from DH. I mean why would you want a ring that was hers if you are not on good terms, and I can see that point from her perspective too

I agree with this.

@Nic1210 I wouldn't give it back.
I'd sell it and delight in telling her so.

I would not particularly want it because it would remind me of the old hag every time I looked at it. I am NC with my mum and have largely boxed up anything that makes me think of her because I don’t want to. But on principle, no I’d never give it back just to spite her. I’d take it off or sell it first.

Is it worth much? If so I would sell it and put the money to a new one or give to your DD. If not I like the Jiffy bag idea.

Firstly, what a horrible spiteful woman. Secondly, it’s not her ring. She insisted you had it. It is therefore your ring. Your engagement ring. So - no - she can’t have your engagement ring. That would be bat shit. It’s not hers. It used to be. It’s now yours. End of.

I’d give it back. She can’t force you but she gave it with the intent of welcoming you into the family. Buy your own ring.

Give it back.

Pointless to give her any ammunition.

A chance to get a new ring together, that's just yours.

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