To think most people would judge keeping this money

[JustAnotherWhinger]

Legally this person is perfectly entitled to keep the money. That’s not the debate. The debate is they are very offended that a few people (several of their family and some friends) have judged them for doing so as morally is very off.

A joint account was set up with a large amount of money (over 25k) between a person who was dying and their cousin. The reason for this was because their cousin had agreed to be guardian for their 3yo child. It was to ensure there was plenty of money about until things like pensions, insurances and probate were all sorted and in place.

However, after 8 weeks living with the Mum and DC the cousin realised they were not cut out to look after a 3yo.

The 3yo is now settled with their mum’s cousin from the other side of the family (in the interest of honesty - that cousin is me). They have contact with the original person one day a month. They are settled here and everything is all settled legally.

When our cousin died a very short time after (literally a few weeks) the joint account transferred solely to her cousin. That’s the legal position and legally it’s their money. However, a couple of their relatives (I don’t even really know them well) are now kicking up a stink about the fact they’ve still got the money and haven’t given it to us to care for the DC or put the money into an account in the DC’s name.

I was asked my opinion and said imo most people would judge that the money was for looking after the child so shouldn’t be kept by the original planned carer.

I’m not over fussed as we don’t need the money and the DC was well set up by their Mummy.
However, I do think it’s poor character to have kept it.

and for clarity - they are not over short of money. They didn’t give up or change their job in the plans to care for the DC (childcare was booked). There’s been no financial disadvantage to them.

So morally someone has stolen a dc's money imo.

That’s disgusting - so they’ve kept money that was meant for the care of a bereaved child?!

I think if the original agreement was that the joint account was primarily because the cousin was meant to have the dc (sounds like this is the case) then absolutely, it should be transferred to your bank. Has the cousin said anything about it? Morally, I’d be transferring it pdq.

Why wasn't this conversation had when the cousin who received the money still alive?

This was such a poor arrangement, I'm not surprised it's gone wrong.

Well anyone with any morals would accept that the money was for the benefit of their child but it seems remiss of their parent to set all this up and not put the correct protection in place to ensure the money wasn't used for anything but taking care of their child.

Legally it’s their money, but clearly the intention was to use it to care doe the child. Morally it is completely reprehensible so of course people will judge.

Absolutely awful behaviour but we had a sort of similar situation with a relative who passed away. She'd set up a joint bank account with an unrelated man so that her estranged brother wouldn't get the money when she passed. But she was close to our part of the family. When she died my mum paid for the funeral and loads of other expenses (clearing out rental flat, settling with landlord etc) and this man didn't give my mum a penny towards any of it. He just took the money and off he went into the sunset. Awful

It’s a bit confusing but I take that cousin (recipient) to be alive - the one who died was the parent (donor). Both are cousins to the OP.

I think it’s really poor behaviour but it all comes down to how it was originally described when it was set up. If it was solely about bridging the gap while probate was sorted out then of course it should be given to whoever is looking after the relevant child. Of course!

That person is morally bankrupt. If the money isn’t needed now it should be added to the pot for DC when they are older

The dying person should have put it in trust for their dc with the guardian to be as a trustee. The guardian to be morally should behave as if that is what the parent had done, imo. But given that clearly they are a pretty crap person anyway, not surprised they didn't.

The cousin who received the money is still alive. She just doesn’t care for the child.

The cousin who died didn’t change anything because she was focussed on where her child was going to live. She died less than 3 weeks after the plans with the joint account holder all fell apart sp her child’s well being was her concern.

Wtf have I just read? What possible reason could the first cousin have for keeping it? Utterly reprehensible behaviour and I wpould struggle to keep quiet about it. I certainly wouldn't have anything to do with them.

They have stolen from a bereaved small child, their own family at that.

Sorry for the confusion.

the one who died was my cousin. I was on her mums side. The recipient was her cousin on her Dad’s side so I’m not related to them.

it was 100% about making sure they weren’t out of pocket for childcare and living expenses while everything else was sorted out. They’re quite open about that, which is why they’ve got themselves stock from people.

Rarely am I truly shocked but this is abhorrent. What a disgrace of a person to keep that money.

I’m sorry for your loss. I hope the child is ok and learning how to cope with their new life.

Regarding the cousin who didnt release the money..nobody will ever trust her again. How to have people turn against you. Is this public knowledge or has it been kept on the down low.

Tbh I can completely understand why my cousin did it as she did.

She put plenty things in place for her DC. They are very well looked after financially.

She did the joint account because she was worried about instant access to cash for things like childcare bills, shopping and house expenses. It took two weeks to get an appointment to register the death so lots of things couldn’t be started without the death certificate. It was also to pay for things like extra death certificate copies and the likes in a really simple and hassle free way. Had the DC stayed as planned it would have been ideal.

the plans all seemed very solid and in place for many many months of her illness. They then went tits up literally just before she died.

I'm not even sure that the money legally belongs to the cousin. The joint account was set up with money from the deceased mother only and it was clear that the cousin was added to the account as a trustee for the minor child - the money was never intended for the beneficial use of the cousin. Probably a bit late now to ask the bank to freeze the account though.

I would judge that cousin very very hard.

It has become common knowledge in her family very recently, hence me being asked my opinion.

Has anyone asked paternal cousin (PC) for the money?

I think they are despicable.

The money is for the care of the child. The money goes to whoever is caring for the child.

I would try and find out if it is legally possible to challenge the person who has accepted this money (in the spirit in which it was given) and then decided not to accept the clear responsibility that went with it.

It’s disgusting it was kept. What reason have they given for keeping it?

Shes been asked why she hasn’t given it by her family. It’s all rather exploded.

I'm currently considering if I should formally ask her for it.

I hadn’t really thought about it tbh. Just it was their joint account so it was hers. With everything going on I’ve not had a minute to think, but now it’s been brought to my attention I’m debating what to do. Legally there is no obligation. That I do know as it’s been checked and confirmed.

Have they refused to give it back? Has anyone asked them to? NOT defending them, they should have done it straight away, but I'm just wondering what possible reason they could have for keeping it.