To think most people would judge keeping this money

[JustAnotherWhinger]

Legally this person is perfectly entitled to keep the money. That’s not the debate. The debate is they are very offended that a few people (several of their family and some friends) have judged them for doing so as morally is very off.

A joint account was set up with a large amount of money (over 25k) between a person who was dying and their cousin. The reason for this was because their cousin had agreed to be guardian for their 3yo child. It was to ensure there was plenty of money about until things like pensions, insurances and probate were all sorted and in place.

However, after 8 weeks living with the Mum and DC the cousin realised they were not cut out to look after a 3yo.

The 3yo is now settled with their mum’s cousin from the other side of the family (in the interest of honesty - that cousin is me). They have contact with the original person one day a month. They are settled here and everything is all settled legally.

When our cousin died a very short time after (literally a few weeks) the joint account transferred solely to her cousin. That’s the legal position and legally it’s their money. However, a couple of their relatives (I don’t even really know them well) are now kicking up a stink about the fact they’ve still got the money and haven’t given it to us to care for the DC or put the money into an account in the DC’s name.

I was asked my opinion and said imo most people would judge that the money was for looking after the child so shouldn’t be kept by the original planned carer.

I’m not over fussed as we don’t need the money and the DC was well set up by their Mummy.
However, I do think it’s poor character to have kept it.

and for clarity - they are not over short of money. They didn’t give up or change their job in the plans to care for the DC (childcare was booked). There’s been no financial disadvantage to them.

Genuinely shocked that this person is such a morally bankrupt money-grabber. They can't possibly think that money was ever intended for them.

I agree with the poster above who suggested writing them a letter setting out your expectation that the money is for the child's welfare, as their mother intended, and giving bank details for it to be paid into. Then see what happens.

It's theft from a child. Its vile

To me it is absolutely clear that the money was to help the carer ( whoever they were) to have money for the child until the rest was sorted out.

Whoever the carer is now should have the money to use to help set up the child ( bedroom, play therapy, school etc) or it should be in trust for the child.

The person who has decided not to be the child’s carer ought not to keep the money. It is difficult to understand why they are keeping it. Did the mummy misjudge this cousin?

What a tragedy.

Have you actually spoken to a lawyer? If the money was transferred to the joint account for the purpose of providing for the child then (and that can be proved) then actually there may well be a good claim that it was held on trust

Exactly!

@Ophy83 @Negroany

Read the OPs other posts one said this :

"Re the legal aspect - it has been checked, questioned, rechecked and checked again.
By numerous professionals and specialists.
i appreciate where people are coming from with the legal side, but the executors and trustees of the rest of the funds have taken specialist advice (and had it double checked) and there is no question over the legality.
My cousin was also warned about this very possibility.
my question is just me gauging how others would react because the only recourse is her morals and I think perhaps if more people are going to share my opinion that may help (as in her friends, family, acquaintances may help if she feels judged enough)."

Honestly, maybe the cousin has done something morally reprehensible, but it sounds like it's a small percentage of the estate is it really worth bothering about in the long run? What are people getting from being angry about it?

Perhaps your cousin did want to leave their cousin some money in their will, but it was easier just to leave the joint account as is?

I'd concentrate all your energies into looking after the small child and making sure that the Trust operates correctly.
There is so much more to life than arguing about money.

For the record it takes bravery for the 'guardian to be' to say hang on. I'm not sure I'm up to this. Perhaps in time, they will use the money to treat the child to holidays/gifts/a car in the future. But legally the money is theirs.

I'm really sorry for your loss and well done for stepping up xx

The money was supposed to be for the child and I think it’s disgusting that they would keep it. I’m glad the child ended up not going to someone with such poor judgement and morals.

Yes, I read it. I'm afraid I still think it's wrong.

It's all a bit of a moot point as the OP hasn't actually asked for the money yet.

Morally the money belongs to the child or you as the child's carer and the cousin should find some.way of giving it to her/him

Fucking selfish grabby twat

It's wrong morally but not legally.
In a Joint Account both parties own the money if one dies the other party becomes the owner. It doesn't matter who put the money in or what the money was for that is the legal position. It is the point of joint accounts they are convenient for many people but also dangerous as either of the joint account holders could empty the account and the other person would have non-legal redress.
OP's cousin did it so that her paternal cousin could draw down some money immediately while waiting for probate which takes months. The fact that the cousin decided not to look after the child doesn't change the status of the account or make the money any less legally hers
It's dreadful and the cousin should give the money to OP for the child but if she won't legally there is nothing they can do.

Can I ask what qualifications or experience you have to draw that conclusion?

The OP must be blue in the face at this stage from having to reiterate the number of legal/financial professionals that have all agreed the joint account legally belongs to the cunty cousin and is not part of the deceased cousin’s estate.

Please fill us in on why you believe all of these professionals are wrong.

The OP has to take whatever course of action is in the childs best interests, she can't decide for herself to just 'let it go' however logical that may appear, because she is acting on behalf of someone who cannot act for themselves.

Her role is to put the childs best interests first wherever relevant - writing and formally asking for that fund back is what is necessary here.

It is irrelevant that the chances are this person will ignore that, she needs to be able to demonstrate to the child later on that every reasonable step was taken.

Giving someone money for a child and putting money in a trust for a child are very different things.

A monetary trust is an actual thing with a settlor (who sets it up), a trustee (who manages it), and a beneficiary (receives the money). There are rules around how the money is handled.

Giving someone some money for a specific purpose, but just having that money in a regular bank account, is not legally binding in any way. The only 'trust' is the trust you are putting in the other person who has access to the money to do the right thing morally, but there is no legal obligation.

UPDATE

After a frank discussion (very frank on both sides) a use for the money has been agreed that will benefit the DC.

I believe the issue has actually been thoughtlessness followed up by defensiveness when approached by the executors and trustees (who didn’t approach in the way I would have, and then did) rather than any direct maliciousness. They do have the DC’s best wishes at heart ultimately.

Nursery consumables, swimming lessons and a few other things important to my late cousin will come from that account until such times as it runs out of money. It’s a good agreement imo.

I’ve also put a few firm boundaries in place with a few people. I’m not willing to parent by committee (and be outvoted on certain things) and I am irritated that the initial handling wasn’t done in a more productive way as it could have escaped last week’s unpleasantness if it had.

Wow. It just goes to show how badly things can go wrong when there is miscommunication. Well done for doing your bit, OP. Hope it all works out. Love the comment about the committee btw. 😊

Yeah, I’m very unimpressed at a couple of other people.

Not being on that side of my late cousins family means there were family dynamics at play that I wasn’t aware of. I am now and thankfully once everything of finally complete there will be little need to deal with folks frequently.

Do you have access to log in and check the account? Because it is very odd that she won’t just give you to money to manage it and wants to keep it in her name.

Also, not sure I would be as generous as you with believing her since her reply was “it’s my account now.” She absolutely intended to keep that money but didn’t get away with it.

Well done for persevering even though you said you didnt actually need the funds. It is what your late cousin wanted and rightfully belongs to the child. I hope you can all move on from this unpleasantness and I hope the child is ok given the awful circumstances.

Thanks for updating OP, much appreciated. And well done!

I’m fully satisfied with the amounts and how it’s going to be handled.

and tbh, given how its turned out it was handled, I’m not overly surprised at her reaction, or refusal to just hand the money over to those demanding it in the way that they did. It was handled appallingly, for absolutely no good reason.

Ahh so glad that this had a positive outcome OP. Hope the child is doing ok

Wishing you all the best with your little one, and the extended family network that she brings with her! There will be a lot of mourning people who aren’t being the best version of themselves right now! I’m glad she has you.