To think most people would judge keeping this money

[JustAnotherWhinger]

Legally this person is perfectly entitled to keep the money. That’s not the debate. The debate is they are very offended that a few people (several of their family and some friends) have judged them for doing so as morally is very off.

A joint account was set up with a large amount of money (over 25k) between a person who was dying and their cousin. The reason for this was because their cousin had agreed to be guardian for their 3yo child. It was to ensure there was plenty of money about until things like pensions, insurances and probate were all sorted and in place.

However, after 8 weeks living with the Mum and DC the cousin realised they were not cut out to look after a 3yo.

The 3yo is now settled with their mum’s cousin from the other side of the family (in the interest of honesty - that cousin is me). They have contact with the original person one day a month. They are settled here and everything is all settled legally.

When our cousin died a very short time after (literally a few weeks) the joint account transferred solely to her cousin. That’s the legal position and legally it’s their money. However, a couple of their relatives (I don’t even really know them well) are now kicking up a stink about the fact they’ve still got the money and haven’t given it to us to care for the DC or put the money into an account in the DC’s name.

I was asked my opinion and said imo most people would judge that the money was for looking after the child so shouldn’t be kept by the original planned carer.

I’m not over fussed as we don’t need the money and the DC was well set up by their Mummy.
However, I do think it’s poor character to have kept it.

and for clarity - they are not over short of money. They didn’t give up or change their job in the plans to care for the DC (childcare was booked). There’s been no financial disadvantage to them.

Has the first cousin actually been asked to hand over the money? And has she actually said she won't?

They are a disgrace to keep this money. End of.

Agree with everyone.

The money was to help towards the cost of raising the child.

But unless this was specifically stated somewhere then I would say the recipient is legally entitled to keep whatever money was in their joint account. But morally they are awful and hopefully karma will bite them on the bum in the not too distant future.

So this person is related to the child’s father. What are his views and intentions regarding this misappropriation of funds meant for his child?

Is it legally as cut and dried as that though? I’m sure during probate you have to consider joint accounts and where the majority of the money came from, for inheritance tax. So if it’s declared properly as the deceased’s money, then wouldn’t it follow the will? I wonder what HMRC’s take would be?

I think I might ask, because it's the child's money and even if you don't need it to look after them, you could keep it for them and add to the inheritence.

That's so terrible that they would think to keep it.

Thankfully you are ok financially. Not the point i know but if circumstances has been diferent...jeez, this woman has no morals. If her family turn against her for this, that will be completely on her and not worth it from her POV in the longterm.

The money should be yours. Make sure you get it.

Legally it is as cut and dried as that.

its all been checked and sorted that way. And re-checked.

My late cousin was warned that if her cousin ran off into the sunset with the money she couldn’t do anything, but at the time they were set on the arrangement so felt safe having the account.

The cousin who has received the money is morally repugnant. They should have instantly either requested your bank details to transfer it, or written a cheque (if they still exist!). The idea that you should have to ask for it is awful. But if they're not sending it freely, you might have to do that. Even if you don't need the money, you can put it in trust/savings etc for the child.

If I were a family member, I would disown them. Stealing from a bereaved child is beyond awful.

Wishing you and that poor baby well. So glad they have you.

How awful. Of course she should hand over the money to the guardians of the child. Morally disgusting if they don’t. Stealing from a child whose mother just died. You couldn’t get much lower!

No. There is no father involved.

we were both cousins of the child’s mother, just on different sides of her family so not related to each other.

She's stolen money from an orphaned 3 year old?! I can't think of much that is as morally reprehensible, it's horrendous.

The person who is raising the child should have the money and any other outcome is absolutely terrible

Really sorry Op, I misread your first post.

I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope your cousins child is doing ok under the circumstances

The cousin with the money clearly has absolute NO morals at all. I can’t think of a single reason why they’d keep the money in a situation like this.
I would write to formally ask for it. I’d even consider asking a solicitor to draft something, I know she isn’t legally doing anything wrong but it may hold more clout - although if they’re the kind of person who can take money from a child, maybe not.

I agree it’s reprehensible the cousin has kept the money when it was an account for the costs of raising the child.

The original carer causing should deduct any costs she’s incurred from the 25k and then as the account will now be solely in her name transfer the rest to you.

No questions should need to be asked.

That money belongs to a child who has lost their mother. I'd have a hard time not turning violent over this.

That’s awful from the original cousin. Just so morally bankrupt that it’s hard to fathom.

Presumably she’d never shown her true colours before as why would she have been trusted if so?

Your poor deceased cousin, having all that uncertainty and upheaval as she was dying. I hope she was able to take comfort knowing that you were there for her child in the end.

And the poor child, losing her Mum like that, so very young. Thank goodness you were there.

I would send a formal demand for the money. I was wondering if you could argue the money was in some sort of trust arrangement, as it was to be used for the benefit of the child, but I get that this has been legally checked.

The cousin who recieved the money is still alive 🙄

I wouldn’t be able to let this lie.
I would send a message along the lines of,

“Hi X. Now that things have settled down a bit, it’s time to deal with this issue. As you know, you were given access to our cousin’s money in a joint account to enable you to care for Y in the short term. Since you are no longer going to be Y’s guardian, it’s time his money was returned. We have set up an account in his name, and here are the details. We would appreciate if you could transfer the money his mother set aside for his care to his account. I know this is a difficult topic, and that due to it being a joint account, the money went to you. But we both know what that money was for, and I’m sure you don’t actually want to profit from X’s death by keeping money you know was set aside for Y’s care.
We are caring for Y, and we are trusting that you will do the right thing here and return his money. Thank you.”

Legally the money was to care for the child. As she is not caring for the child it technically should not be hers. The deceased clearly did not have time to transfer it to another new account.

The family should write to this cousin and insist she transfers it into an account for the child. She should not spend it.

Would the deceased cousin’s share of the joint account not pass to her child? Whether via a will or intestacy rules? Why has the remaining account holder got the lot?

The DC’s mum did so well, managing to set things up so comprehensively before she died. I’m so sorry for your loss. The cousin is reprehensible, and perhaps it’s a good thing that they don’t have the DC. You have been very kind- I’m glad you were able to help.

It is very sad though. All that child’s mum had to do before she died was transfer all the money out of the joint account and into a one of her own bank accounts. Then the other cousin wouldn’t have had anything left in the joint account to take ownership of. And it would only have taken a few minutes to do an online bank transfer. With a joint account, she wouldn’t need permission from the other named person. She could have just taken it back so cousin who walked off from the kid wouldn’t get it.

Good luck OP. I really wouldn’t leave it alone. I’d have to ask. Even with no legal back up; I would ask.