To think most people would judge keeping this money

[JustAnotherWhinger]

Legally this person is perfectly entitled to keep the money. That’s not the debate. The debate is they are very offended that a few people (several of their family and some friends) have judged them for doing so as morally is very off.

A joint account was set up with a large amount of money (over 25k) between a person who was dying and their cousin. The reason for this was because their cousin had agreed to be guardian for their 3yo child. It was to ensure there was plenty of money about until things like pensions, insurances and probate were all sorted and in place.

However, after 8 weeks living with the Mum and DC the cousin realised they were not cut out to look after a 3yo.

The 3yo is now settled with their mum’s cousin from the other side of the family (in the interest of honesty - that cousin is me). They have contact with the original person one day a month. They are settled here and everything is all settled legally.

When our cousin died a very short time after (literally a few weeks) the joint account transferred solely to her cousin. That’s the legal position and legally it’s their money. However, a couple of their relatives (I don’t even really know them well) are now kicking up a stink about the fact they’ve still got the money and haven’t given it to us to care for the DC or put the money into an account in the DC’s name.

I was asked my opinion and said imo most people would judge that the money was for looking after the child so shouldn’t be kept by the original planned carer.

I’m not over fussed as we don’t need the money and the DC was well set up by their Mummy.
However, I do think it’s poor character to have kept it.

and for clarity - they are not over short of money. They didn’t give up or change their job in the plans to care for the DC (childcare was booked). There’s been no financial disadvantage to them.

I have to say, I'm surprised you agreed to something that will effectively keep her in your life for years. Swimming lessons, even at £20 per session, per week, for 50 weeks a year, would mean having her involved for 25 years.

If she isn't a guardian, it makes no sense not to transfer it or Trust it.

Tbh, I think I'd have come at it from the angle that the 25k was kept seperate to go to the person dealing with the immediate things, which you're doing. Not as a long term draw down plan.

I'd consider applying pressure by saying that you need the 25k now and you'll need to set up a JustFundMe to ensure you have that money to hand. Does she want to help wrote ot so it doesn't come across like she's stolen from a child's dead mother?

Perhaps if it was one £20 a week swimming lesson that had been agreed I’d agree with you. However, as I said, it’s the consumables bill (5k a year), swimming lessons and other things important to my cousin. It is not 25 years of spending.

She hasn’t stolen anything so no need for help to have it wrote like that. And suggesting I lie about setting up a GoFundMe is a frankly ludicrous suggestion when I made clear at the beginning that we don’t need the money.

The situation has been resolved in a way that benefits the DC and that’s all I care about.

And, more importantly, the issues created by the executors have been made clear and I know who to be wary of and how much. So it’s a win all round

One of the worst things i've ever read on here- disgusting behaviour - I can't imagine how they live with themselves. If that money were invested for 15 years for the child it would be worth almost £50000 when it comes of age - despicable

Is everything else settled so you can be done with the executors, or do you still need to deal with them for now?

I'm in awe of how clever and level-headed you are, OP. (I always hoped to become more like that one day, but as I'm now pushing 70 it looks as though the Grim Reaper is likely to get me first!). It sounds as though your careful assessment and interventions have helped to resolve what could easily have become a much uglier situation. Well done 🤩

I still need to deal with them for the moment, but things are near completed. And given the fact I’ve now seen, and it has been made very clear so others have seen, that they’ve been focussed on their personal annoyance rather than best for the DC things should be wrapped up without further delays.

It does keep striking me today as somewhat ironic that my cousin originally wanted me to do a lot of things because she trusted me, but because I have all my kids and one has health issues she didn’t want to take the piss by asking me to do a lot.

Maybe the fact I was the backup for everything actually shows she knew I would do whatever was needed.

I’d get her to pay the nursery bills.& As many big things as possible asap.
If she doesn't want to hand back the money its because the sum is no longer intact.
Its glaringly obvious, why would she want to repay in increments ?
I suppose she could potentially nake money in interest although even that should be the child’s

Unhappily, morals don’t count with money, inheritances or wills. It’s all about the legalities.

The money is absolutely intact (I’ve seen this) and I’m happy with the solution.

I'm pleased it has reached a resolution without (hopefully) sacrificing the potential relationship the DC can have with the cousin on the other side.
Hopefully the poor handling can be attributed to being heightened through grief. It must be a distressing situation for a young DC to lose a (sole) parent.

Really pleased you came to a mutually agreed solution for the dc. It sounds like the (very) frank discussions have cleared up misunderstandings and miscommunication, so that’s all positive, and that going forward, you’ve put some parenting boundaries in.

Well done for working this out peacefully, and for all you are doing. Good luck to you, your family, and your cousin’s DC.💕❤️❤️

Good to hear it's being resolved. The child will benefit from ongoing contact and the money will be used to benefit her, as was always intended. You are taking on a lot and I hope it works out well for all of you.

This is good news and as long as you are satisfied with the outcome that's all that matters. Thanks for updating 🙂

I still think it’s utter bullshit that the woman who refused last minute to have the child thinks she can gate keep what the money is for so the judging is totally warranted. And sounds like she will expect the child to be told it’s her paying for those things, make sure the child knows it’s money her mum gave her for looking after her but she only wants it spent on x y z. She’s not going to end up with any special relationship with this child unless you all lie about her for her which you should not do.

Is the money ring fenced for the child in the cousin's will in case anything happens to them? Who will be getting the interest from the £25k? Would there be tax implications if cousin handed over money to child directly?

If the law is on their side and what they are suggesting is the only chance the child has of seeing the money, you might be wise to accept their terms. But I would be wary of accepting whatever narrative they are spinning.

Things have been sorted well. And in the DC’s best interests.

Everything I’ve been shown backs up what she said and she was acting in the DC’s interests. That I’m satisfied with.

Sadly I think if we’d been able to have more direct contact with less interfering by the executor (who thankfully isn’t a trustee and will soon have no space for interfering) things could have been sorted much sooner and with much less grief.

i am still slightly wary of everyone and that won’t change.

Thankfully DC is doing well. Obviously has their very upset moments, but they’ve settled well with us and they adore my 7 and 9 yos (who so far are loving having a younger one to play with - special excuses to play with younger toys 😂). It won’t be an easy ride but we’ll get there.

thanks

Update -

Things are all sorted with the estate now.

We will be having absolutely no further contact with the executors. They absolutely have not had DN’s best interests at heart whatsoever. They currently avoid me around town after I pointed out the absolute hypocrisy of them being so outspoken about the original carer “failing” DN when she said she couldn’t care for him full time when they have charged the estate - which is DN - for parking to print something at the library on three occasions that happen to coincide with their weekly sports session (they did go to the library, but they then charged the estate for the parking when they’d have been paying themselves normally).
Their shit stirring could easily have caused a huge fall out with the original carer and that would have been absolutely to DN’s detriment.

Thankfully the executors are not trustees so they’ll not be around at all. They didn’t even bother to show up for DN’s birthday and haven’t asked to see DN even once. On the other hand the original carer has stuck to every commitment made and even helped out in an emergency nursery closure. They have a lovely relationship with DN and she and I think she absolutely made the right decision. I’m also now very very up to date with the family politics on that side of DNs family!

Now that the executors are totally out of the picture the original carer and I decided to put the bulk money from the joint account into premium bonds for DN. There is money from one of the two trusts to cover the things we were going to use it for. This way it’s accessible if needed for something unforeseen, but is in DN’s name and somewhere safe.

DN has his school place for September. He’s currently regularly trying to negotiate when he’ll be allowed to “walk” to school himself as my bugger two do. It’s a highly amusing negotiation as our garden gate is literally opposite the school gate and parents/guardians aren’t allowed in the playground (YR are the exception for a couple of weeks) so he’s negotiating over about 20ish steps!

Thanks for the update, glad it's all been sorted and DN seems settled.

I’m so glad you have managed to to see through all the shenanigans and find the best route for your little ‘un.

It's definitely good to keep some money accessible, but Premium Bonds will almost certainly fail to keep pace with inflation. A stocks and shares ISA and Junior Sipp might be better for long term capital growth.

They’ve already got those through the trust, thanks :)

Premium bonds are just a way of keeping them accessible, in DNs name (although I have control of his account and his basic savings account), but somewhere that’s not just credit union or basic savings

Another not a fan of premium bonds here - but at least the money is in the child's name now and available if he needs it.