To think most people would judge keeping this money

[JustAnotherWhinger]

Legally this person is perfectly entitled to keep the money. That’s not the debate. The debate is they are very offended that a few people (several of their family and some friends) have judged them for doing so as morally is very off.

A joint account was set up with a large amount of money (over 25k) between a person who was dying and their cousin. The reason for this was because their cousin had agreed to be guardian for their 3yo child. It was to ensure there was plenty of money about until things like pensions, insurances and probate were all sorted and in place.

However, after 8 weeks living with the Mum and DC the cousin realised they were not cut out to look after a 3yo.

The 3yo is now settled with their mum’s cousin from the other side of the family (in the interest of honesty - that cousin is me). They have contact with the original person one day a month. They are settled here and everything is all settled legally.

When our cousin died a very short time after (literally a few weeks) the joint account transferred solely to her cousin. That’s the legal position and legally it’s their money. However, a couple of their relatives (I don’t even really know them well) are now kicking up a stink about the fact they’ve still got the money and haven’t given it to us to care for the DC or put the money into an account in the DC’s name.

I was asked my opinion and said imo most people would judge that the money was for looking after the child so shouldn’t be kept by the original planned carer.

I’m not over fussed as we don’t need the money and the DC was well set up by their Mummy.
However, I do think it’s poor character to have kept it.

and for clarity - they are not over short of money. They didn’t give up or change their job in the plans to care for the DC (childcare was booked). There’s been no financial disadvantage to them.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

I can only imagine the anguish your cousin felt trying to ensure her child would be cared for by someone she knew. You are a good person for stepping in and I hope the little one settles into your family.

As it’s all in the open now, can you and someone from the other side of family who knows them speak to the cousin and advocate for the child and ask that the money be returned. Appeal to their better nature. I would be interested to ask them directly why they think they should keep the money.

Good luck with everything.

Yes of course morally that cousin should pass the money over to you to care for your cousins DC. I would contact her/him and point out the money was intended to care for the DC and given they are not caring for the DC they should pass over the money although legally you appreciate that they are not breaking any laws. Badly set up arrangement.

Hi Not-Quite-Related-Shitbag, I've just set up a savings account for Child. The number is 1234567, sort code 112233, and the account name is ABC Child. Can you transfer over the money from that joint account Cousin set up? Thanks"

Then wait and see what happens next.

Wherever money is involved in a complicated situation such as this you can be sure chaos will ensue !!!
It should have been legally clarified previously. The person currently holding the money should be ashamed

My first question would be “why haven’t you given the child their rightful funds?”

My second question would be, “I ask you - have you no decency?”

Absolutely hideous for them to keep the money!

Did you say the child sees this cousin once a month? Cos if it was me that wouldn't be happening anymore.
I would definitely approach them about it. For the child's mum to trust her in the first place to raise her child she must be a decent person surely? But then why keep the money. Its so sad.
How is the child? How are you with taking on a little one suddenly?

I would write a formal letter and ask for the money that had been set aside 'for the child' be sent to the child's account (& give details)

Tug on the heart strings a little. If you ask for it 'for you to care for the child she'll tell you to sod off

What a sad story, and I’m sorry for your loss. I would have taken it that the money was intended for looking after the child, and the person who is keeping the money should be ashamed of themselves

It’s odd to me that none of the lawyers involved has even raised the question of whether there might be some kind of implied trust here, even though the cousin is clearly legal owner. If I were advising on this I’d want chapter and verse on how the arrangement was set up, copies of all correspondence (inc texts and emails) etc. How is it that you know that the purpose of the joint account was care of the child? I’d be interviewing anyone who’d discussed this with the deceased.

Maybe all this has been done- I note you say that you’ve taken advice. But I would want you to be sure that a) the lawyer advising has expertise in implied trusts and b) there isn’t some misunderstanding around the term “legal owner” going on.

What job does the shit bag cousin do? I hope they hold no responsibility for anyone or anything!!

Has anyone actually asked her for the money? Or spoken to her about it? Could it be a misunderstanding? Sorry if this has been answered I couldn’t find it!

Playing devil's advocate, is it possible the person who has taken the money thinks they have "earned" at least some of it, during the time they were working out that they were not going to be able to take on the child? They should obviously pass the money on to the child/ their guardian and if you decide to ask for it maybe you could offer them something towards expenses. (Hopefully that reminds them of the intention of the joint account and that they haven't met the conditions.)

It's a dreadfully sad situation and kudos to you for stepping up when the mother must have been so worried.

Legally her money, morally the 2 year olds money. The cousin should be hanging their head in shame.
I will say though, that perhaps something more legally binding should really have been put in place to protect the money for the child x

I think the terminal cousin should have put this in trust for the DC and given the other cousin "guandianship" type access.

However, regardless of the legal situation the money was to provide for the DC. To me morally unless the cousin is putting it in an account for the child they stole from their dead relative and this child.

If you are managing without, I can see why youd let it go as youve enough to deal with but its disgusting how they treated your young charge. Best of luck

"An implied trust essentially means the court recognizes that a person who holds the legal title to property is, in equity, holding it for the benefit of someone else" .

I just googled Implied Trust Definition and it definitely seems to still be a thing. Like PPS, I would need to be sure that all your advisors have done everything they can and then I'd be seeking second opinions.

OP of course you know this is absolutely disgusting and the money should be for the DC. It's bad enough that their mum is dead, the other cousin has now stolen their money.

If I heard about this I would judge extremely hard and most likely drop this person from my life if at all possible. It's a disgusting and immoral (despite legal) way to behave.

She has actively profited from letting down a dying woman at the last possible minute about the thing most precious and dear to that dying woman's heart. Let that sink in!

IMAGINE the stress and helplessness that poor woman must have felt in her last days. I'm generally a fairly hardened person but the thought of that actually upsets me. I'm glad her baby found a soft landing with you.

OP of course you know this is absolutely disgusting and the money should be for the DC. It's bad enough that their mum is dead, the other cousin has now stolen their money.

Legally the money belongs to the Cousin as it was a joint account, Morally she is obviously not right in keeping it and im
horrified that anyone in the circumstances you’ve described would consider keeping it.
Your deceased Cousin sadly put her trust in someone who didn’t deserve it, not much you can do about it now.
I hope the little one settles well with you and thank you for opening your home and heart to her.
It’s every Mother’s nightmare to know you won’t be around to see your children grow and try and put something in place so they are nurtured and cared for.

So is she refusing to hand it over? Has she been asked?

Appalling behaviour how does she sleep at night?
I hope you/child gets the money the dying mum wanted her child to benefit from.

Well yes it is but clearly the wider famoly understand it was for the child. So I'd write her a letter saying that this money was intended to care for the child and as she is not caring for the child, would she please consider placing it in a trustee account for the DC so it can be used for her benefit.

I think thats the best you can do

So she has basically refused to look after the child, going against her deceased cousin's wishes, and is now keeping the money meant to provide for the child's needs! That is another level of despicable! I think you should definitely kick up a fuss on behalf of the child who is growing up without their mother and will need all the help they can get.

I’m sorry for your loss OP and it’s amazing that you’ve stepped up for your cousins little one

I don’t think I have the words for the type of human that would do this, that’s absolutely disgusting and I would make sure everyone knew what a piece of shit she is