To be jealous of my work colleague?

[CandidApples]

My work colleague is the same age as me. She has two gorgeous children and a third on the way. She is very attractive, confident and popular. However her behaviour kind of grates on me. It’s like she believes that the world revolves around her. She doesn’t treat me particularly nicely. She recently bought drinks for her and my other colleague but didn’t offer me one, when we were on a team night out (just the three of us). I am not as senior as her and I think she feels above me.

I am the bottom rung of the ladder, so the only person that seems to see this side. In fairness, at other times, she’ll be nice to me.

I struggle financially, whereas this lady is well off and can be quite braggy to me about her lifestyle and luxury holidays. I feel envious, and almost annoyed. I feel like karma needs to do a better job of ensuring people who treat others as subservient, shouldn’t get to have these picture perfect lives.

I know I am BU. But I just want things to seem fairer.

She might seem to have it all but you don't know whats going on behind closed doors. Her husband might be a serial cheater, she might have chronic piles.
You just dont know x

Woman to woman?

Were you there?

Do you know what else she'd done?

Yes it was a very good job, thanks.

No, exactly. You presumably are aware I wasn't.

So I was curious why it skipped that step, knowing that traumatised people do some nutty things.

I don't think woman to woman is a bonkers concept though - it's usually worth a try, but only if the person hasn't either done something severe or overstepped on multiple previous occasions without improvement.

Grow up and get a real life !!!!

What's unpleasant?
She didn't buy a bevvy out of her personal pocket is the only "crime" on record we have there. As OP said she's otherwise nice, but OP feels salty that this other lady's career has gone further.
Maybe there are good reasons for that?
We don't have both sides of this discussion - maybe OP's jealousy shows in their interactions - this is really hurtful and offensive to be on the receiving end of on a daily basis, and indeed could often be construed as bullying where it constitutes a campaign of concerted effort.
Not expecting a drink from someone you've been mean, jealous or spiteful to is just common sense. No need to bring your sour grapes to HR.

Three people go for a drink but one person is not offered a drink That’s mean and unkind. Letting a door shut in someone’s face is also mean and unkind.

Exactly. The OP admits she’s jealous of her colleague (though it’s not entirely clear why, other than she’s senior to the OP, popular and has children, which all sounds ordinary enough). All she appears to have done to her is not buy her a drink once, not always hold doors for her, and make her feel bad about herself.

I had a colleague at my last work place. Her husband earnt a fortune and she didn't even have to work, whereas I do. She had all the latest designer things and every school holiday went somewhere hot and sunny. Annoyingly, she was so good at the job too. She was the teacher that could control any class and soon worked up to be deputy head. I was definitely envious of her (not that I like designer stuff or anything and I don't really like going abroad) but she was quite nice to me most of the time so I couldn't really hate her, but I definitely get why you don't like your colleague - she sounds nasty,

Neither is a HR matter, or involves workplace harassment or bullying.

It's not necessarily intentional or spiteful though. It can also be tiredness, forgetfulness or - in some cases - that the other person was rude to you.
Reading OP's posts, I do wonder if she's a nice person to work with.

It’s hard to know how she perceives you, maybe she is simply reacting to how you behave around her or maybe she’s just as snobby as you think she is.
Either way, it’s just work, try to not let it get to you. She won’t be in your life forever and eventually she will just be an unpleasant memory. Focus on yourself, not your perception of someone else’s life, it’s just a waste of energy.

Your tone was of wanting to defend her with no idea what actually went on.

Why suggest woman to woman when you have no clue what she was like.

I'm not going to write a whole story on here am I.

You seem quite invested in this with the endless replies to PP.

It sounds as if you have the problem. You appear to be jealous because she is attractve,has 2 children ,with another on the way. She is senior to you and appears to be well liked.
Your dislime will be noticed by her and she is reacting to it. You say you are the only one to notice her unpleasantness.
You will be sending of nevative vibes.
Just keep your distance and forget about it. Nothing to be done.

It's her looks and confidence that have got her far in life. That's all. Nothing else. I don't blame you for feeling resentful.

I also don't envy other women. I look at their houses, cars ok...but looking at their husbands and mine

Yep. Get the hottest man you can (or find out her type and date a man of the same type) - nothing incites jealousy in other women more than having a hot partner. Also, I can bet a million her husband or partner is a narcissistic serial cheat- women like her always end up with/attract either these bastards, simply and geeky loser bitch boys, or cocklodgers/spongers (who also usually end up cheating).

Yes - you sound upset and angry so please forgive my few / endless replies on the one thread that resonates with me. I am very sick in hospital and incredibly bored. Won't make a habit of it, I promise. 😁

You can see I tried to understand better - you weren't interested in sharing and I respect your wishes.

You turn your nose up at woman to woman yet here you are attempting it.

Be well 💐

We have no idea how she has ‘got so far in life’. Maybe she’s studied hard for qualifications and worked her way to her current position via sheer merit. And let’s not get carried away here — there’s no reason to think she’s CEO of a multinational or governing a country. This may be an ordinarily efficient individual in a deeply ordinary job.

Life isn't fair,it never was, and this kind of jealousy will eat you alive.
TBH I don't think you are being treated unfairly, you are the bottom of the hierarchy, and freely admit that- this lady has actually done nothing unpleasant to you, all she has done is have a more affluent lifestyle (natural, since she is senior to you), other people don't see her as unpleasant or bragging, almost certainly because she isn't- you are jealous of her and that is her only crime, you need to let it go.

Upset and angry 😁, you sure like to throw words and accusations around with no clue.

I don't need you to understand better, you be well 💐.

Yes, I can see why you feel overwhelmed expressing your version of events to me.
I am glad things improved in your workplace.
Thanks for the imitation x

X

I agree with the above.

But

I think she treats you like this because she's learnt that she can get a satsifying dig in, and you will still be nice as pie to her. So she gets away with it.

If someone lets a door swing in your face..call them out! Say loudly for everyone to hear. "Hey careful... you nearly hit me in the face with that door swing.Ha Ha" or "I'm so glad we're not doing rounds today.. I can never keep track [merry laugh]".

Be polite and friendly but only in a professional way. Put her on an information diet and only engage in conversations about actual work.

Look for other things to focus your mind on at work. And stop comparing lifestyles. Can you plan some new hobbies or think of interesting things to do outside of work? Think more about what you want from life.. and less about her life.

You will find a great deal of freedom when she's on maternity leave. Make the most of it and it won't seem so bad when she returns... and as always... keep an eye out for better jobs.

Unless you are doing a job that is your life"s mission aim to go part-time as quickly as possible, that way you get less exposure to toxic idiots.

This is exactly what I wanted to say.

If your senses are making you uncomfortable then I believe you that she's a dick. Some people need others as supply and you can go mad trying to figure out what the problem is.

Definitely keep as much distances as you can. Say less to her, be polite but don't give her your energy. Become aloof. People who are difficult and like to feel superior by engaging in confusing behaviours that make you question yourself, well, they are to be avoided, not chased. I know people like this. You need to remove the supply you give them. She will sense the impact she has on you and probably likes it.

Not for one moment do I believe in the picture perfect presentation of her life. So much goes on behind closer doors and social media nonsense that people put out there. Focus on other people at work, do not engage as much as possible! You'll feel much more self respect that way.

She sounds like a total bitch, OP.

Believe me, her life will not be perfect. I have no logical basis for this but I'll bet her husband is playing away. Time will tell.