To be jealous of my work colleague?

[CandidApples]

My work colleague is the same age as me. She has two gorgeous children and a third on the way. She is very attractive, confident and popular. However her behaviour kind of grates on me. It’s like she believes that the world revolves around her. She doesn’t treat me particularly nicely. She recently bought drinks for her and my other colleague but didn’t offer me one, when we were on a team night out (just the three of us). I am not as senior as her and I think she feels above me.

I am the bottom rung of the ladder, so the only person that seems to see this side. In fairness, at other times, she’ll be nice to me.

I struggle financially, whereas this lady is well off and can be quite braggy to me about her lifestyle and luxury holidays. I feel envious, and almost annoyed. I feel like karma needs to do a better job of ensuring people who treat others as subservient, shouldn’t get to have these picture perfect lives.

I know I am BU. But I just want things to seem fairer.

The OP sounds the insecure one, not the colleague. She says herself that she’s envious.

100%. Life isn’t fair. Careers aren’t always fair. The world isn’t fair. Get used to it. Get over this woman. You sound obsessed with her.

Your colleague may seem to have it all, but she doesn't sound like a particularly nice or happy person.

That’s pretty immature to ignore someone in the workplace, no to mention bullying, especially when this is a OP problem not a colleague problem. But the OP is definitely giving this colleague a weird amount of emotional energy.

You sound jealous, insecure and pretty toxic, focusing on minor slights. You obviously don't like her. Why should she like you? Don't you think she can't tell you don't like her? You just spent half an hour slating her on the internet to a bunch of random people and you think she has a problem?

Your posts are utterly toxic. You're recommending bullying this woman for the crime of being attractive and in a more senior position. And the irony of your username in the light of how you are talking about this woman?!

If this was a man who was attractive, senior, with kids, nice house, popular, this would not even be a thing, let alone a thread on here. It’s all because she’s a woman. And the vitriol from equally jealous women who feel inadequate and post toxic immature advice just by being triggered by a thread is unreal. Just let that sink in.

Hi OP, I haven’t read all of your thread but I had a very similar work situation.
There was a new girl in my work, a very instagram/posey type. I was moved to sit next to her, she seemed fine at first and I’m always quite open minded when meeting new people, but after that first day she was very rude, always shooting me funny looks etc. Sounds stupid but I’m sure once she put all of her belongings in the middle of my desk, didn’t move them then half way through the day grabbed them as if I’d put them there, one day she moved to the next seat along for no apparent reason, she would never say anything but the looks could kill 😂.
I came into work one day and there was a man sitting in my seat and made an excuse about bad lighting giving him headaches where he used to sit. I 100% believe she told him to move there as she had some issue with me. It really bugged me that she was so rude towards me and there was no reason. I wouldn’t dare show anyone her teams photo as I was convinced they would think I was jealous, I just couldn’t understand it. I do remember that first day sitting with her, a few of the men around us were joking with me about going out (socially) with the office party animal when I was younger. I wondered if she didn’t like all the attention not being on her, even though it was the first and only time they’d ever spoken to me 😂
I left that team but I did notice she’d been promoted, office politics are weird and it’s usually who you know rather than what you know.

Remember that most people don't talk much about the difficulties in their life. No matter how perfect their life seems, there will be problems and struggles you don't know about.Some people are just better at putting on a cheerful front.

You’re doubting your own perception here. From what you described, she’s objectively rude and she’s doing it in that low level but repetitive way that’s designed to make you feel lower than her (which tells us, that’s how she actually feels! ;) - a bit worthless underneath it all).

If she had it all; she wouldn’t treat you like that. She knows what she’s doing when she leaves you out of drinks; brags; and closes doors in your face etc. rather than holding them open. Focus on your job; and getting experience and move on when you can.

She sounds like a garden variety mean girl. It doesn’t sound like you’re jealous as much as you feel you aren’t allowed to have negative thoughts or feelings, and negative thoughts and feelings are normal, especially when someone is being mean like she is.

don’t confront her; don’t talk to anyone else about it, because everything she’s doing is plausibly deniable and other women will align with her out of fear and hierarchy, even if they see she’s mean to you.

It might be even more ironic than it seems. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck and names itself as a peacock...

Don't be jealous of her, work to be better than her. You already behave better than her so you have banked that. What do you want next? Work on that not on feeling negatively, that's just a waste of energy and a distraction.

She’s a work colleague, she’s your superior. Doesn’t seem the right person to ‘hang out’ with. She clearly does enjoy being ‘above’ people. Don’t assume people in higher positions are better, there is fortune, education and hard work involved, but doesn’t mean they’re a better person. Focus on yourself and better yourself. She sounds irrelevant and you’re giving her too much headspace. Her rude behaviour is her own issue. Don’t lower yourself.

She has picked up on your jealousy and sees you as s lost cause in trying to impress, engage or trying to turn around your poor opinion of you. Probably started off as bemused by you but now sees you as an irrelevance or a bit of sport. Sounds like your jealousy ruined a work relationship.

I feel envious, and almost annoyed. I feel like karma needs to do a better job of ensuring people who treat others as subservient, shouldn’t get to have these picture perfect lives.

Really, really childish, OP. Karma? Hardly Rose West, is she?

There are a few things to can do to help yourself out: think about all things you have in life that someone else might wish they had, think about what's 'lacking' and how you might be able to fix that. Perhaps there is someone on here reading your thread wishing 'bad karma' on you because your life might look 'picture perfect' compared to their sitation and you're wasting your energy feeling bitter.

We all feel jealous from time to time, but it's toxic when it's allowed to fester and that's exactly how your post comes across. Yes, people who are privileged can sometimes be smug and unkind with it *
(Like your colleague) - would you want to be that person?

I think she doesn't think you're as important in her life as you do her. She's probably oblivious to how much she affects you. Some people are just enjoying their own life and not thinking about everyone else to this extent.

Rise above and kill it with kindness. If she's mean spirited you don't need that in your life. Work hard and be nice to people and good things will happen. Don't worry about what she's got going on, look at what positive changes you can make in your own life to bring you joy and satisfaction.

I get the jealousy about the income and material things and maybe even the seemingly perfect family life but honestly, if she's rude to people who are lower paid with less responsibility I wouldn't value her highly as a human being and I'd want to distance myself from that behaviour.

If this were about a male colleague, the comments would be far more weighed in support of the OP and way more vitriolic towards the (male) colleague.

It surely can't be news to you that some women are unkind. This woman sounds like a typical 'mean girl'; closing doors in the OP's face, excluding her on a night out and bragging about her life. These are not enviable traits and behaviours.

The fact that she is senior to the OP makes it worse. It's unprofessional and she should know better.

What's the saying: 'be nice to people on your way up. You'll meet them on your way down.'

I think what you are grappling with is a feeling of injustice.

I disagree. I was semi joking she gets back at her but honestly why not. You all turn a blind eye to a woman intentionally excluding someone and letting doors slam in her face on the basis that she's in a senior position at work and therefore there's no logical way shes jealous of somebody "beneath" her? Are we all just going to collectively pretend that this is true? I'm not. Youre getting upset at the idea of bullying a bully and it speaks volumes about you. Not all my posts are "utterly toxic", either, you just dont like people who arent sheep. And my name is a joke, clearly you lack a sense of humour, as well. Hope youre able to get that stick out. Happy reporting!

Wow the insecure women on here really hate a woman referring to themselves as attractive dont they xddd hilarious. And saying that people only judge the woman mentioned in this post because they are also jealous of her is ridiculous. We just dont like bullies. I have a lot of attractive friends and im not jealous of them. I know attractive people who are ugly in personality and dont like them, because theyre not nice people, not due to jealousy.

You missed the point, mate.

There is no point worth taking notice of; just yet more bitchy women making passive aggressive comments and siding with a bully. Its embarrassing. So many will ignore and put up with it but I just don't. Not my fault that people cant take what they dish out. Have a wonderful day!

Well, it's the Internet, I could be wrong. I've just noticed that we do very often get some weird personality, usually semi literate, that reads like a rather angry one dimensional version of a female stereotype accusing everyone else of being a one dimensional female stereotype - basically, like someone who doesn't have a very in depth view of women, or indeed anything - and it's never surprising to glance at the username and see something along the lines of HotGirlXOXO or LadyFlowerWoman or something.

There was one some time ago, actually, that kept accusing everyone of being very insecure and jealous of it. It then started uploading blurry photos taken from a distance of a woman in a gym, who didn't appear to know the camera was there, and ordering everyone to prove they weren't jealous and insecure and stuff by uploading photos of themselves so it could compare them...

Yeah that sounds like someone extremely unhinged, not me. I support women on this site always, unless its someone nasty or completely out of touch. I didnt actually say anything nasty here, I was really trying to reassure the OP not to be insecure and if shes really that bothered then get even. Then got attacked and accused of being jealous of a woman that I dont know. Guess some people just look for problem or ways to start on someone, which i believe stems from their own insecurity. I dont bother having perfect grammar online because there's no need, people know what im saying and can clearly read my comments. And as I have clarified many times, I dont think im the world's hottest mum lol, its just a joke, yet seems to offend a lot of people. So be it.