To be jealous of my work colleague?

[CandidApples]

My work colleague is the same age as me. She has two gorgeous children and a third on the way. She is very attractive, confident and popular. However her behaviour kind of grates on me. It’s like she believes that the world revolves around her. She doesn’t treat me particularly nicely. She recently bought drinks for her and my other colleague but didn’t offer me one, when we were on a team night out (just the three of us). I am not as senior as her and I think she feels above me.

I am the bottom rung of the ladder, so the only person that seems to see this side. In fairness, at other times, she’ll be nice to me.

I struggle financially, whereas this lady is well off and can be quite braggy to me about her lifestyle and luxury holidays. I feel envious, and almost annoyed. I feel like karma needs to do a better job of ensuring people who treat others as subservient, shouldn’t get to have these picture perfect lives.

I know I am BU. But I just want things to seem fairer.

I have experienced colleagues like this too, please don't appear to be waiting on her to drop you crumbs from her high table. Be polite but dont suck up to her, just get on with your life and dont feed her inflated ego.

I don't think you sound jealous. I think you sound like someone who is experiencing constant low level poor behaviour towards you and isn't sure if it's real or not. It's real and it's causing you to resent her, and you're misinterpreting it as jealousy.

Yeah I’m not sure to be honest she’s deliberately letting doors shut on the ops face, I suspect maybe once or twice she rushed through and didn’t realise the op was there.

i think I’d be more convinced if the jealoosy was not so all consuming, much of this reads like confirmation bias, she’s looking for reasons to think the woman is unkind to her, where as I strongly suspect the op just doesn’t figure in her mind. Which I suspect is worse for the op, better to be thinking the woman cares enough to be acting out, than she does not give the op a second thought.

Letting doors slam in people's faces IS mean and rude.

it sounds that your dislike comes from her treating you badly.
Ask yourself if you would treat people the same way? I certainly wouldn’t go out with 2 people and buy one of them a drink.
I think it’s quite natural to be envious of people who appear to have a good life. Her life is unlikely to be as great as it appears. And where it’s natural to feel envious, I would never show it or let anyone close to them know.

I’m not sure why that suggests jealousy, rather than just not feeling particularly friendly towards OP.

Perhaps she’s picked up on OP’s antipathy towards her. Perhaps OP is reading far too much into every little perceived slight. Perhaps they just don’t gel. It’s oftentimes just as simple as that.

Yeah I’m unsure why too, it says disinterest, or dislike, but not jealousy, whereas the op is all consuming jealous on every part of her.

Yes, well said.

As for awful people having a hard time- that can sometimes happen simply because if you have a tendency to treat people poorly it will inevitably have an effect on how those people in turn treat you. Thats not karma, thats simply consequences of actions. Harvey weinstein is a good example of this - his actions eventually caused him to face a reckoning. Its not Karma though, its because his victims were finally able to speak up and that encouraged other victims to come forward.

There is a thing called common courtesy. You don't have to like a person not to spit in her coffee, figuratively speaking.

Op a true test of someone’s character is how they treat people who rank below them eg more junior colleagues and people they interact with such as waiting staff in restaurants and courriers who deliver to the office.

If she is treating those she considers inferior to her badly, she isn’t a good person, and if she is having to emphasise her so-called superiority by doing that, you can bet your bottom dollar that she is massively insecure or has some issue in her life making her feel that way!

If her behaviour continues to be poor, her popularity won’t last, so focus on your own career and play the long game.

Why would you ever go to his house?!?

I don't think you sound jealous. I think you sound resentful towards someone who is a dick to you and makes you feel like shit.

You’re human OP. If someone is a dick to you, you’d be weird to still wish her well really. There’s nothing wrong with that. ‘Thanks for holding the door Jane hahaha!’ Kill her with kindness.

I actually think some posters are jealous of her, just the sound of her, attractive, successful wealthy good job, good lifestyle, kids, popular. Just the idea of hee pisses them off. There is definently a rush to judge her, from some, and to downplay the ops own words.

She sounds bad mannered and rude. I wouldn’t be at all jealous of that op,

These are important things to get your head round as an adult: karma's not real (in this sense, anyway), and life's not fair. Sometimes absolute pricks will just have nicer or easier lives than you, and you have to learn to be okay with it because otherwise you'll become resentful and bitter. I'm sure there are absolute saints who have a worse life than you, too, you know?

Karma as in, "you get the energy that you put out to other people back to you" is real. It's not some cosmic rebalancing of fairness, it's just that if you're nice to people, generally they're inclined to be nice back.

So maybe this woman doesn't deserve any special favours from you, if she's not nice to you.

But in the same vein, if she senses that you clearly resent her for being more senior and better-off financially, she might not be particularly inclined to be nice to you. I wonder how clear you make that resentment, and whether that might be playing a part.

That's a long conversation I need to have with the therapist I don't have because I have no money.

I saw him as a brother figure when I lost my dad and I have some kind of weird trauma feeling of wanting him to like me 😕😂

I really love this! It makes a lot of sense and reframes the narrative in a positive and powerful way.

I don't think you are precisely being unreasonable. and I loathe the "resilience" thing but its something that you are going to meet in life and for your own mental health you are going to have to learn to not let if affect you. Stay away from her when you can and be professionally polite when you can't.

Call her out on stuff like this! And the buying drinks! Even if its uncomfortable she needs calling out imo

However her behaviour kind of grates on me. It’s like she believes that the world revolves around her. She doesn’t treat me particularly nicely. She recently bought drinks for her and my other colleague but didn’t offer me one,

You need to find someone with a better personality to be ‘jealous’ of.

She sounds like a prize dickhead to be honest.

She's senior, so she is above you.

If you want to be on her level, you need to get her qualifications & experience.

Some very revealing replies here. OP take no notice.

But not her personality!