To be jealous of my work colleague?

[CandidApples]

My work colleague is the same age as me. She has two gorgeous children and a third on the way. She is very attractive, confident and popular. However her behaviour kind of grates on me. It’s like she believes that the world revolves around her. She doesn’t treat me particularly nicely. She recently bought drinks for her and my other colleague but didn’t offer me one, when we were on a team night out (just the three of us). I am not as senior as her and I think she feels above me.

I am the bottom rung of the ladder, so the only person that seems to see this side. In fairness, at other times, she’ll be nice to me.

I struggle financially, whereas this lady is well off and can be quite braggy to me about her lifestyle and luxury holidays. I feel envious, and almost annoyed. I feel like karma needs to do a better job of ensuring people who treat others as subservient, shouldn’t get to have these picture perfect lives.

I know I am BU. But I just want things to seem fairer.

Sounds like much the same cloth, tbh. I'm not interested in searching your other posts to check you out but I agree with the poster who said your posts here are utterly toxic. As for your assertion that anyone who finds you or what you say questionable must just be insecure and somewhat lacking, God, that's not even worth the sentence I just wasted on it.

However, I also suspect that the more I go on talking to or about you, the more I'm giving you what you want. Eurgh.

I was bullied, fairly low level so I didn't realise it was actually that, by my line manager. She's now been promoted. She applied for the same role in a different department and wasn't even shortlisted. She's now got the role in the department where her mates are the recruiters. She leaves next week. Hurrah.

I have a degree, MA, PGCE and PhD and several publications. She has a degree. I couldn't believe she was envious of me as she earns more and has a great husband, house, life, daughter etc. But others noticed it.

"I just want things to seem fairer"

And fair would be... only people whom you deem to be a good person, or worthy, having any sort of good fortune in life? She doesn't sound like a great person from your description but we're only hearing form your perspective, and to be honest you sound quite bitter - which may or may not be justified. Who decides what's "fair"?

With regards to the drink, could she possibly have been trying to be thoughtful? I drink cocktails which are usually £16 ish per drink. Out with friends who I know are in a similar position financially, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid and would just order what I want. With colleagues, who would be junior to me usually, I wouldn’t get into a situation where they might feel they need to buy a round, knowing my drink costs considerably more than theirs, as it’s just unfair.

I don’t like my Manager because she isn’t a nice person. That is separate to how I view her life. She is younger, more glamorous and wealthier than me, but I definitely don’t envy her. I would 100% rather be me than her. Comparison is the thief of joy.

well, chillax

I also don't envy other women. I look at their houses, cars ok...but looking at their husbands and mine, and my husband looks, behaviour, education, my kids looks and intellects and others and I am thankful to God every single day for the beauty, intellect, spirit, soul and compassion He gave so abundantly to us here

ugly people living in oversized houses - what is there to envy

You feel she is disrespectful. Then don’t let her disrespect you. Let her teach you this lesson. Whatever you are envious of her for, that’s what you are lacking. She’s teaching you to respect yourself more. So start there.
p.s life is never fair so stop expecting it to be. Karma isn’t magic pixie dust that corrects people’s behaviour.

She definitely sounds un pleasant . Do you think you could have a quiet chat with her and explain how her oscillation affects you? If that doesn’t help coukd yiu chat with HR if yiu are feeling bullied - intimidated, as yiu said yiu are - and treated differently to others.

no excuse in the world for her looking down on you. It says to me she has fought to get where she and feels insecure about her origin.

I can’t find any of this on the thread?!

Edited as just realised you weren’t replying to the OP! 🫣

We moved out of a flat about 20 odd years ago and after a couple of months my DH got a call out of the blue from the police, asking if we knew nothing about the human skull in the loft.
We did not.
💀

I disagree, karma does not always do its job.

Yeah, sorry, I somehow failed to include the post I was referring to, but I was on low effort by that point as I was switching off and bored of the nonsense.

Imagine this deal. You can swap places with anyone whom you're jealous of, tomorrow. But you have to throw everything up in the air and take the whole of their body, identity, and life. Not just the bigger house and the clearer skin and the smaller dress size and the apparently smarter kids, but also their racist Dad and their abusive uncle and their husband who had an affair two years ago and their IBS that they do a good job of covering up.

Still jealous?

Yup

Sorry, sorry wrong thread. I don’t know why this has ended up here.

Anyway, to get back OT, you don’t know what’s really going on with her, for all you know her husband is unfaithful and her kids have constantly got worms/nits. You just can’t be sure what’s really going on behind someone’s facade of perfection, and tbh the more perfect the facade, the more likely things behind it are not as they seem.
Don't go out for drinks again. Say you’re too busy learning rally driving or something equally exciting.

I agree.

Alexa, play Lucky by Britney Spears...

You will have the picture perfect life when you put in the work. I know I do, and - quite frankly - I know that the people who are beneath me in the hierarchy belong there. I carry them all day.

And yet picture perfect doesn't mean perfect. You go home, you struggle just as much as anyone else, you maybe just do a better job of hiding it than the others.

I don't mean to sound mean, but I am a single mum with 4 kids and very serious health issues and my inferior colleagues call me Evita like I'm some kind of princess just because I keep my shit together and get the job done.

They take a real joy in every failing of mine, I guess they'd have a field day if I forgot to buy one of them a cocktail and forget all about the thousands of hours I've invested in saving their asses.

Can you please explain how gender changes things? Thank you ❤️

Haha I love that colleague is a cow = NHS but it's so true! 😄

You lost me at wishing karma on her OP.

You know nothing of her personal life.

If she's a bully at work, then you need to raise it.

I moved jobs when one of the managers was a pain, only for her to also move shortly after.
Wished I'd stayed at the time as the job was a perfect fit.
She obviously wasn't happy there hence also leaving.

Another at a different job picked on me and I let her manager know. She was duly fired but kept in touch with some of the team.
Came out that she was being financially abused and work was the only place she had control.

Obviously not ok behaviour, but no need to envy or be jealous of her as she'll most likely have her own struggles.

Some people have all the luck they have the looks They have the money and they have the life chances. that’s the way it goes and when they talk about those things well someone like you will see it as bragging. It’s not - its talking about their life. I’m sure she doesn’t think about you one tense of the amount you think about her get things back to a more natural rhythm.

Try the private sector! 😂

"Duly fired" - Er, good job bringing her to justice I guess?
Shouldn't this just have been a woman to woman? 🤔

Hi OP, I voted YANBU when I read about her letting doors go in your face. There is no excuse for that in any setting, let alone a professional setting. It’s basic manners, and no matter how much I disliked someone I would never let a door go in their face. This is not a nice person you are dealing with.

Do you perhaps behave in a slightly subservient manner around her? Or is your resentment showing? We can often pick up attitudes from other people, and if we don’t know the reason for it there can be misunderstanding.

I would be looking to shift my own viewpoint and adopt a more confident and professionally distanced attitude. Not always easy, I know. She will very likely pick up on the change and view you differently. Hopefully then you could build on your relationship if you want to.

If things don’t improve despite this, I would just look forward to her going on maternity leave!

I hope things improve for you 🙂