Is friend BU about wedding invitations?

[sophietaken]

I’m a bit stuck between friends.

Friend one, Anna, is getting married in the autumn. Friend two, Jessica, has been married for a couple of years now. Friend three, Katie, lives with her boyfriend of a couple of years.

The invitations went out today and have caused serious ructions. Anna has decided not to invite Jessica’s husband or Katie’s boyfriend to the wedding. She is only offering +1s to couples whose partners she and her boyfriend (Brian) socialise with. Neither Jessica nor Katie’s partners want to socialise as a couple with Anna and Brian. Not because they dislike them, but because they’ve got their own friends and social lives. This doesn’t stop Jessica and Katie socialising both with Anna and Brian (who are very much inseparable).

Jessica and Katie are very hurt. Jessica invited Anna and Brian to her wedding, but Anna believes this is different because Brian makes an effort to socialise with Jessica.

Who is being unreasonable?

YANBU - Jessica and Katie’s partners should be invited
YABU - Anna is right not to invite the partners

Have you received a +1 invitation?

I agree, but the men would view them as their wife/girlfriend’s friends who they make an effort for on special occasions. Katie and Jessica’s boyfriends don't socialise particularly but Katie’s bf went to Jessica’s wedding and Jessica’s went to Katie’s 30th.

Absolutely fine not to spend £££ on people who you know don’t want to socialise with you imo.

If this happened there would be a nuclear reaction and Anna would not go. But you can very rarely get Anna to socialise without Brian so Anna woukd say Brian was Katie’s friend too.

Just suck it up. Go or don't, but nobody gets to fuck around with the guest list apart from the bride and groom. It's a non question really. Put on your own party and see how easy it is.

No it’s not. If you have a guest who knows no one else at the wedding then you’d usually give them a plus one.

The bride and groom get to decide who they wish to celebrate their wedding day with. End of!

If guest are upset simply decline the invitation.

Interesting then that they presumably think Jessica and Katie will still go. I would not be inviting them both if I were Katie.

Yes.

You didn’t manage to read the OP then?

And they will both go, because they have always made the effort with Anna and tolerated Brian. But both are extremely hurt.

Tbh they both sound pretty bitchy. If they both don't like Brian and their boyfriends don't like Brian or Anna then maybe they should all get new friends.
Can't be fucked with all this psychodrama as an adult and can't imagine anything more tedious than worrying about whether or not I made someone's special wedding list - especially if I barely knew them!

I can see why they haven’t invited the partners.

I’ve got friends where I know the partners well and a few others where I really don’t know them. One has been with her partner for a long time but I’ve met him a handful of times and am not massively keen. He’s not friendly.

If I was getting married now I’d probably feel I had to invite him but wouldn’t really want to. He doesn’t consider me a friend and wouldn’t invite me to his birthday or similar.

Is your partner invited?

Usually the +1 is for the guests benefit rather than those getting married, so that no guests attend alone. I would hate for my DH not be invited, however, as Jessica and Katie can attend together you can kind of see the brides reasoning for not having to invite them.

Although, being friends to J+K she’d know that they would want their partners there, but she’s prioritised her reasoning over her friends happiness, so maybe she doesn’t really count them as close friends and couldn’t give a c**p what they’d like. It’s her day and she’ll do as she pleases.

Also, Anna needs to have some time with her friends without Brian. I can’t be doing with that co-dependent shit.

Okay well there’s lots wrong with this. They like Brian fine. They don’t like that they cannot see Anna without him tagging along. Their partners like both Anna and Brian fine, but just don’t have the same hobbies and social activities. They know each other extremely well.

Established couples should be invited as a unit. Basic etiquette rule!

But that's not the case here so it's irrelevant. The 2 men don't make any effort with Brian so they're not close enough to be invited that's it. The women can create drama and let it affect the friendship, or the they can grow the fuck up and realise other people's weddings don't revolve on around their husbands

I think it's fair enough to not invite them to the wedding if they feel the partners don't have any interest in them but it is also weird. jessica and Katie don't have to go hunt seems petty somehow.

It’s weird that Brian comes to all the meet ups of Anna and her friends given that no one else’s partners attend
it’s fine for Anna and Brian to just want their friends and family there. It’s essentially no plus ones.

I think both men would be happy to go to big events - big birthdays, weddings, christenings etc

I bet they would lol with all the free food and entertainment.

However, they'd have to be pretty entitled to expect an invite when they've put none of the socialising leg work in.

Yes, I’ve got a +1.

Anna would definitely consider them good and old friends.

I’ve been to several weddings were dh wasn’t invited (and vice versa). Mostly work colleagues but one a childhood friend. My dh was glad not to be invited and I was too. Meant I didn’t have to spend my time keeping him company and I could catch up with friends. I don’t see the big deal.

Agree with this wholeheartedly. It drives me absolutely mad. She seems to think there’d be no good reason for us to not all enjoy Brian’s company too though. We have tried to talk to her about it.

If the husband and boyfriend can be bothered to socialize I totally understand why they not invited. Bride and groom can invite who she wants and why pay for someone who not interested in spending time with them...sounds sensible. Also 100 isn't that many but the time you've invited family and close friends of both the bride and groom