To tell my manager I won’t share a room with colleague again?

[Worktripissue]

Some background here - my role requires regular travel around the UK as the company has various sites. For about 3 nights each month I stay away in a specific location; up until 2024 I always had my own room, a change was then made for financial reasons that I’d need to share with the colleague travelling with me who does the same role.

No issues at all, we got along and she was respectful and we’ve remained friends post her leaving the company recently.

I travelled with her replacement last week, and we shared a room as per process.

Firstly, she jokingly (I thought) said before we left that she is a snorer. She’s not wrong, even with ear plugs I was struggling to get an uninterrupted nights sleep. By her own admission she is a larger lady and she says even her own husband gets on at her. She honestly snored like a man.

Next issue - we have a £30 per night meal allowance. On one of the nights, I visited my cousin who lives in the area and she cooked for me, so I had no reason to use my allowance.

My colleague asked me if she could use it when I got back to the room (about 9pm at this point). Now she’d already had dinner and the restaurant was closed. She said she only wanted it for a soft drink so I said no problem. She then came back up to the room and said they were still doing room service. 20 minutes later the door goes and hot food arrives which she proceeds to eat on her bed, and the smell lingered all night.

A couple of other minor annoyances in terms of time spent in the bathroom and loud phone calls with her husband which she could have taken outside the room/in reception.

She is polite in general, but that was our first trip and I don’t think I could handle monthly stays with her.

AIBU to tell my manager I won’t share with her again?

YABU to make it about this women.

YANBU to ask for your own room.

Total madness that you are asks to share at all!

Strong agree, and totally inappropriate for OP’s employer to expect her to share a room with a woman who is effectively a total stranger. Not to mention the fact that they would not be able to do this if the colleague were a man.

your employer should not have made you share a room with anyone. But now you’ve done it before you’re going to have to explain why you don’t want to share you HER, whereas up front you would only have had to explain you won’t share a room. Would they have made you share with a man?

I’d stick with the snoring though, and be prepared for them to find you someone else to share with.

Well she can do something about the snoring, as in her own words she knows she needs to shift some weight, but she chooses not to.

The ins and outs of why you don’t want to share with her aren’t necessary - you just need to say that you will not be sharing with anybody again as you are not close enough to any colleagues for this to be a viable option.

This. I barely want to share a room with my husband, never mind a colleague

Hardly the point, OP.

Ugh you're losing me with your rude judginess. You shouldn't have to share a room full stop. But you think its ok just with the nice skinny ones. Are you 12?

Absolutely 100% this. No need to clarify reasons.

What if your college was a different sex? Would they expect you to share? Of course not. Your employer is taking the piss

They pay for separate rooms or you don't travel.

Your "employer" wants to shed costs: It is not about you and you are, probably, not being paid overnight. They are paying you for your time, so they should make sure that you are comfortable during your own time. If/when it is overnight then you should be able to insist on a single occupancy room or refuse to go. Do not sacrifice your own comfort for your employer's cost cutting exercise.

Requiring employees to share bedrooms has the potential for serious HR issues and I find it strange that it is expected.

So I think you are not unreasonable to tell your employer that your days of sharing are over, but don’t make it personal about this woman.

I'd refuse to share with a colleague period.

I regularly run school trips abroad and have almost always shared with another member of staff. We all do, or we have to pay extra to have a room on our own. You are definitely not being unreasonable not to want to share with this colleague though.

Now you sound as if you're having a go at her because she's fat. Snoring isn't always caused by excess body fat, though it can be. Obese people are not always 'choosing not to shift some weight', they are just as likely struggling with an eating disorder and finding it very hard to eat more healthily. Anyway, she's unlikely to manage to drop several dress sizes before your next business trip just on the off-chance that her snoring goes away.
If the snoring is keeping you awake and therefore impacting on your ability to do your job properly, you'll have to say that you can't share with her again. But there's no need to draw attention to her eating two dinners or spending a long time in the loo - that's mean.

She doesn't snore like a man. She snores.

Thin people, and women, also snore. The worst snoring I’ve ever heard in my life was from a very slender 13-year-old girl. The woman’s weight is irrelevant and snoring ‘like a man’ isn’t a thing.

You were nuts to agree to sharing rooms with colleagues in the first place. Totally unacceptable and an invasion of privacy. I guarantee you she didn’t enjoy sharing with you either, so you both need to say it’s not acceptable.

well you aren't being unreasonable but I would have refused the first time.

I don’t even share a bedroom with my husband because of his snoring. No chance I would share with anyone never mind a colleague.

Absolutely tell them you won't. Why would they force you to share a room with someone you barely know? Just say you're not comfortable sharing with anyone but your own family.

That is a totally different scenario. I have been a PA most of my life in the financial/pharmaceutical/armed services sectors. . NEVER has a male been asked or been required to share sleeping accommodation (apart from submarine/sea going armed vessels) with another colleague of the same or opposite sex.

It doesn’t matter. It’s not appropriate for colleagues to share a room. If they can’t afford to properly fund work travel, they need to reduce it, find other ways to meet the objectives of site visits, or quite frankly, the business isn’t viable.

That’s a completely shocking and unsafe company policy. If it’s so bad to fork out an extra few quid for everyone to have their own room they need to send fewer people, or get an Airbnb with 2 bedrooms

This should only happen in a War/Civil conflict situation. Otherwise it is only with your consent/request: Not Ever at their convenience.

There’s nothing in OP’s post that suggests she’d be fine sharing with a skinny snorer who keeps her awake at night. But I’m sure the ordering a second dinner to the room grated when the woman acknowledged that it was her weight that made her disturb OP. And the lack of sleep probably made OP feel a lot less accepting of that choice.