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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay in bed when DP gets up with his child?

216 replies

probablynoted · 28/02/2026 19:54

DP and I have lived together for 2 years, he has a son aged 5. There is constant tension because I don’t wake up on the weekends he’s here when he gets up (around 6am).

He is with us Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday every week.

DP has made comments saying “I’ve been lonely” when I’ve woken up around 8:30/9 and joined them in the living room. Weekdays I usually am up anyway because of work.

DP has said that going forward he wants us to be a “family” which involves me waking up and having breakfast together. He also expects me to look after his son if he’s going on a night out. For example, he’s told me next Saturday he’s out with friends. I’ve said I’m not able to look after his son, so he’s asked his mum (DPs mum).

Hes said that if we have a baby he’ll enjoy all the lie ins in getting.

aibu to not wake up with him and his little boy?

OP posts:
itsthetea · 02/03/2026 13:32

The child had a mum

the child also has a split family

children who feel on the side rather than fully enclosed and supported in both families settings tend to do worse especially as they get older / it’s not a strong safe place. The child knows dad’s love and attention is split and they know they are not really wanted by at least one person in the family - the not step mum.

go with that “he’s not mine” attitude if you want to make a rod for your own back

if you can’t accept his children as yours , move on

Tillow4ever · 02/03/2026 13:34

ReadingCrimeFiction · 28/02/2026 20:00

You've posted about this before?

Ridiciulous that he wants you up all the time. Does he think you'll be doing it ALL when you have a baby?

I do think that if you're together and your DSS is with you this often, SOME aceptabce that you are are a parent figure would be appropriate.

I thought that too, but can’t poster already pregnant? But it’s almost identical basically.

itsthetea · 02/03/2026 13:34

Although I do agree that dad going out with his mates for a night doesn’t sit well with me either - for a once in decade event maybe but not even monthly

partly because these children tend to feel abandoned more easily

Dweetfidilove · 02/03/2026 13:44

Hes said that if we have a baby he’ll enjoy all the lie ins in getting.

Forewarned is forearmed @probablynoted .

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 02/03/2026 14:37

Don't have a baby with him. I would leave.

SplendidUtterly · 02/03/2026 15:53

Do not have a baby with him.

SplendidUtterly · 02/03/2026 15:57

AdoraBell · 01/03/2026 23:37

How is he lonely when he’s with his child?

As others have said, don’t have a child with him. He’s trying to manipulate you so that he doesn’t have to care for his child/children.

That's what twats like him say.
I once went to visit my mum on her birthday for a few hours and was inundated with textes from my ex saying he was lonely and when was i coming back.

EX!

Easterbunnygettingawrapping · 02/03/2026 17:58

It's likely 2 posters.. Lots of men need a nanny with a fanny.
My exh was similar.. He once graciously offered to let me have a lie in.. My 3 dc. His 1. He gave them breakfast then sent them to play in their bedrooms. Either side of ours..
While he napped on the couch...
I never bothered taking him up on his'kind 'offer again.
He backed away from parenting his dc... Knew they preferred to do stuff with me and my dc. I refused to have any dc together.. Way too much hard work.
Remarried and we do have a dc together. And raise all the dc as a family. No resentment.. Which is what will set in if you stay op.

kkloo · 02/03/2026 18:54

itsthetea · 02/03/2026 13:17

I don’t think that you should consider a child as “not yours” when you join forces with their parent

if this was your joint child you would probably share weekend lie ins

but you are treating the child differently by inference

I think this because the child’s needs should always come first and that is being fully loved by all around

not seeing themselves as just one side of daddy life , but fully integral to every part of dads life.

You are creating a child versus girlfriend set up which never ends well

It's also extremely important that kids in this situation have one on one time with their parent. She obviously doesn't need to be getting up with them at 6am on the weekends, in most homes when the parents are together they don't do this.

Snakebite61 · 02/03/2026 20:56

probablynoted · 28/02/2026 19:54

DP and I have lived together for 2 years, he has a son aged 5. There is constant tension because I don’t wake up on the weekends he’s here when he gets up (around 6am).

He is with us Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday every week.

DP has made comments saying “I’ve been lonely” when I’ve woken up around 8:30/9 and joined them in the living room. Weekdays I usually am up anyway because of work.

DP has said that going forward he wants us to be a “family” which involves me waking up and having breakfast together. He also expects me to look after his son if he’s going on a night out. For example, he’s told me next Saturday he’s out with friends. I’ve said I’m not able to look after his son, so he’s asked his mum (DPs mum).

Hes said that if we have a baby he’ll enjoy all the lie ins in getting.

aibu to not wake up with him and his little boy?

I'd be off like a shot. Only misery lies ahead.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/03/2026 20:57

Or better get the 5yr to go back to sleep till a decent hour /and play in bedroom /read a book

really no need for a child to be up at 6am demanding attention at 5

PeopleLikeColdplayYouCantTrustPeopleJez · 02/03/2026 21:06

Hes said that if we have a baby he’ll enjoy all the lie ins in getting.

He is a passive aggressive wet wipe. “I’m lonely” meh, he’s with his 5 year old. Mine never left me alone at that age. He’s not lonely in that kid’s company. As for assuming you will take care of his child without checking… I’d be not only thinking twice before having a child with him yourself but the entire relationship tbh. He’s showing you exactly what kind of coparent and father he is.

Instructions · 02/03/2026 21:13

Hopefully these replies have already landed with you op, but just to add my voice to the chorus- don't have a baby with this man.

Pasta4Dinner · 02/03/2026 21:35

parenthood is getting up with your child and enduring kids tv and ingesting caffeine, until they either sleep in or can be left alone. 2 adults being up doesn’t improve if.

Nothavingagoodvalentinesday · 18/04/2026 19:14

I think it’s lovely that he gets a couple of hours in a morning just the two of them. Time to really get to know his son and spend quality time together.
You wouldnt want to get in the way of that , would you?

arethereanyleftatall · 18/04/2026 19:18

It’s 6 weeks on and I hope for your sake you’ve actually finished with this selfish bloke.

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