To stay in bed when DP gets up with his child?

[probablynoted]

DP and I have lived together for 2 years, he has a son aged 5. There is constant tension because I don’t wake up on the weekends he’s here when he gets up (around 6am).

He is with us Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday every week.

DP has made comments saying “I’ve been lonely” when I’ve woken up around 8:30/9 and joined them in the living room. Weekdays I usually am up anyway because of work.

DP has said that going forward he wants us to be a “family” which involves me waking up and having breakfast together. He also expects me to look after his son if he’s going on a night out. For example, he’s told me next Saturday he’s out with friends. I’ve said I’m not able to look after his son, so he’s asked his mum (DPs mum).

Hes said that if we have a baby he’ll enjoy all the lie ins in getting.

aibu to not wake up with him and his little boy?

Genuinely cannot see why any self respecting woman would remain with a man who has spelt out his intention to abuse her when she has his baby?

The dad isn’t even in it though. He begrudgingly gets up for his existing child and has said he won’t be getting up if they have a shared child together. If they have a baby he won’t be getting up with his eldest anymore either.

I always find it puzzling when people tell the stepmum to be in it together, when there are dads like this. There is no “together” with men like this. And if they have a baby together then he will seize the opportunity to not do anything for his eldest anymore.

It's hard being a divorced parent. Sometime you don't get a lie-in even when you deserve one.

You've posted this before. What was wrong with the advice you got back then?

Totally agree with this - been there, living the solo parent life that I should have seen coming.

Find yourself a better one.

No you’re not being unreasonable for not getting up, not at all. Although I do think I would probably babysit once in a while and maybe occasionally get up with his child to give him a break. But the absolute bulk of it lies with him.
he does sound like a child himself though and as others have said I would definitely be careful if you decide to have a child with him.

You've posted this before and received the exact same responses. Not sure what you're expecting different this time

That poor child probably doesn’t feel wanted or accepted into the relationship his dad is having.

This! He's showing you who he is already. Believe him.

Why? Because his dad gets up with him in the morning rather than his dad’s girlfriend? Don’t you think he’d prefer to be spending that time with his dad?
There are many men who think it’s their child’s mother’s job to do all early morning wake ups, you see it all the time on here. Do you think those children feel unwelcome and unaccepted too?

His approach to you is a red flag.
It sounds like he is saying that if you have a baby together, he'll be leaving you to do it all and focussing on his lie ins.
He's not 'lonely' because you are in bed until 830am, he begrudges you your lie in and resents that he's having to get up at 6am when you don't .
Having said that, if I had a partner with a 5 year old and was planning a family with him in the future, I'd probably get up at 6am sometimes to give him a bit of a lie in.

No

Because if the tone OP had in her post, it sounds like she’s not at all interested in this child. And children feel that. I am not saying her partner is right in the way he handled it.

Does anyone have a link to the previous thread?

I don’t get that impression at all. Her post was about a specific issue.

You are not being unreasonable to sleep in while he parents his own child.

You would be crazy to have a baby with this man. He has already told you that he will expect you to do 100% of the baby care, and to care for his older child too “since you’re up/home anyway”.

Throw this one back. He is absolutely not a keeper.

Came on to say this

Agree

Yip 1000%

@probablynoted id tell
him he would be getting no lay ins if you have a baby . As he has one child already he has to always be up for and then he would have the new baby to get up equal for so when does he think it would get a lay in?

Once again do not be having a Baby or tub this man . Infact once again I’d be telling him to move out .

No, you shouldn’t get up with them. He should see this as a good opportunity to spend one on one time with his child.

I really like my step mum and I’ve always liked her, but I used to have a riot getting up with my dad in the morning. We would watch cartoons and have coco pops (my mum and step mum would never have allowed coco pops). Sometimes we would make her breakfast or go to the park and bring her something back. It was very fun. He got up with me before him and my mum got divorced as well so I think the continuation of that routine helped.

Don’t have a baby with this man is my gut instinct.

Get rid of him, poster who said he is looking for a ‘nanny with a Fanny’ has got it right

Don’t have a baby with this idiot. Why are you still with him are you shacked up at his house or something? If you have a baby and then split up (which you will because he’s a twat) he’ll go for 50/50 custody to avoid giving you any maintenance, then he’ll dump your kid with some random woman as much as possible.

He's with Dad Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, so Primary residence is with Dad? Yanbu to not get up at 6.30. Mine would be told to play quietly in their room or cuddle in bed with me at that time of a weekend, and it would be up to DH if he got up with them.

But I think yabu in that it sounds like you don't really see this little boy as part of your family. His Dad has primary care of him. He sees you more than his Mom. The reality is it's never normally a simple strory when Dad has primary care, so I think I'd be doing what I could to help make him feel secure and treating him like my own as much as I could. Which includes the odd night putting them down to bed whilst the OH goes out.

LTB. I’m serious.