Page 8 | To stay in bed when DP gets up with his child?

stichguru · 01/03/2026 23:33

What are they usually doing when you get up? What do you all do for the day? It's clearly fine that you don't get up with his kid while he sleeps.

However if you are going on a family day out together and you always insist on leaving at 10 to arrive by 11, because you can't possibly get up until 9, when they've been up since 6, could have left as 8 and got there as the place opened at 9, I can see why your husband is annoyed that every weekend day has to your schedule.

Ariana12 · 01/03/2026 23:35

I agree with everyone else. There's no reason why you should step in and parent a child whose own father doesn't want to parent him. Can't help feeling sorry for the little boy who basically lives with 2 people who dont want to parent him.

AdoraBell · 01/03/2026 23:37

How is he lonely when he’s with his child?

As others have said, don’t have a child with him. He’s trying to manipulate you so that he doesn’t have to care for his child/children.

Seeingadistance · 01/03/2026 23:39

ChristmasChroniclesBookFairie · 28/02/2026 19:56

I think it would be a massive mistake to have a baby with this man.

Agreed.

LTB.

NoWinnersOnlyLosers · 01/03/2026 23:43

ChristmasChroniclesBookFairie · 28/02/2026 19:56

I think it would be a massive mistake to have a baby with this man.

Agree

littleblackdress26 · 01/03/2026 23:50

probablynoted · 28/02/2026 19:54

DP and I have lived together for 2 years, he has a son aged 5. There is constant tension because I don’t wake up on the weekends he’s here when he gets up (around 6am).

He is with us Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday every week.

DP has made comments saying “I’ve been lonely” when I’ve woken up around 8:30/9 and joined them in the living room. Weekdays I usually am up anyway because of work.

DP has said that going forward he wants us to be a “family” which involves me waking up and having breakfast together. He also expects me to look after his son if he’s going on a night out. For example, he’s told me next Saturday he’s out with friends. I’ve said I’m not able to look after his son, so he’s asked his mum (DPs mum).

Hes said that if we have a baby he’ll enjoy all the lie ins in getting.

aibu to not wake up with him and his little boy?

I'm sure I read a post like this a couple months back and her partner said that same line about lie ins when they have a baby.
Run! He's already telling U he's not going to help as a way of getting back at u !

Beetlebum89 · 02/03/2026 02:01

ChristmasChroniclesBookFairie · 28/02/2026 19:56

I think it would be a massive mistake to have a baby with this man.

This 100%.

AmandaBrotzman · 02/03/2026 02:33

Haven't you posted this exact thread before?

Zerosleep · 02/03/2026 04:36

ErinLacey · 01/03/2026 23:33

Is marriage on the cards?
Yes or no- I think you need to really think about your future with this man.

Have breakfast with us all as a family translates to ‘why should you get to lie in bed- I will stop that’.

He is already trying to use you as a babysitter.

If you had a baby together, he has already told you he will not be up early in the morning (and will say you were aware of this as technically he’s already told you).

He would then also say you’re up with the baby anyway so you can be up with his son- after all he’s already done 2 years worth so you have a lot of making up to do.

These are the red flags you have failed to see previously.
All these replies saying similar are because lots of us can see what WILL happen.

Move on and find someone who deserves you.

Exactly this. Open your eyes and see the red flags now. People don’t change. He is showing you clearly who he is and you should believe him.

kkloo · 02/03/2026 05:29

Fairy25 · 01/03/2026 23:14

Actually quite shocked at the responses. I thought it would be the other way round? If a woman posted to say that he boyfriend doesn’t help with her child despite living together and just stays in bed until late morning, what would you say to that? I

What?
That's a very strange thing to think.
If a woman posted complaining about her boyfriend not getting up I'd think she was completely unreasonable

99bottlesofkombucha · 02/03/2026 05:45

Fairy25 · 01/03/2026 23:14

Actually quite shocked at the responses. I thought it would be the other way round? If a woman posted to say that he boyfriend doesn’t help with her child despite living together and just stays in bed until late morning, what would you say to that? I

Rubbish. The op does help with the boy, she just doesn’t want to be the primary parent who does everything he doesn’t want to do when it’s his child not hers.

EllieWales · 02/03/2026 07:14

His comment about being lonely is odd. I think some PPs are getting confused though, he’s not asking you to get up with his child so he can have a lie in he’s asking if you would get up with them. YANBU to think you don’t have to, you don’t, but relationships are about compromise and if it means something to your DP could you not get up with them once in a while?

As for going out and expecting you to look after his child on a Saturday night, how often does this happen? Did he ask? If it happens often and he truly doesn’t ask and just expects then YANBU. You don’t have to look after his child at all it’s your choice but if it was once in a while and he asks (not expects) then I would think that’s ok.

As for the not getting up with your shared baby it sounds like this could have just been a throw away comment because he’s upset you aren’t getting up with them on the weekend. It’s a silly thing to say but it sounds like he’s not a bad dad (unless there’s more to the story) and seems like, from his actions, he’s takes responsibility for his child and therefore probably future children too.

I’m a step mum and have been with my DP since my step son was 2. We now have a son together and another on the way. I would consider if you want to stay in a relationship with someone who has a child. It’s hard at times, you have to compromise whilst maintaining your boundaries. It doesn’t get any easier and there are always tricky situations and feelings to navigate. Is your DP someone you think you can navigate this successfully with? Are you prepared to accept this child as a member of your family if you go on to have kids together?

Wildefish · 02/03/2026 08:35

probablynoted · 28/02/2026 19:54

DP and I have lived together for 2 years, he has a son aged 5. There is constant tension because I don’t wake up on the weekends he’s here when he gets up (around 6am).

He is with us Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday every week.

DP has made comments saying “I’ve been lonely” when I’ve woken up around 8:30/9 and joined them in the living room. Weekdays I usually am up anyway because of work.

DP has said that going forward he wants us to be a “family” which involves me waking up and having breakfast together. He also expects me to look after his son if he’s going on a night out. For example, he’s told me next Saturday he’s out with friends. I’ve said I’m not able to look after his son, so he’s asked his mum (DPs mum).

Hes said that if we have a baby he’ll enjoy all the lie ins in getting.

aibu to not wake up with him and his little boy?

I think the weekend is fine that you don’t get up at 6am. Maybe you could give him the occasional lie in as someone you love but that’s up to you. Of course you should occasionally babysit. If you don’t want this little boy in your life then i suggest you remove yourself as he’s here to stay.

Cherrytree86 · 02/03/2026 08:38

cant you just get up with them , OP? @probablynoted

You could cook a nice breakfast for your partner and stepson. Plus it then leaves you more time to get chores done in the morning - time that would have otherwise have been wasted in bed.

ThiagoJones · 02/03/2026 08:55

Cherrytree86 · 02/03/2026 08:38

cant you just get up with them , OP? @probablynoted

You could cook a nice breakfast for your partner and stepson. Plus it then leaves you more time to get chores done in the morning - time that would have otherwise have been wasted in bed.

Or her boyfriend could make a nice breakfast for them all and do some chores, as he’s up with his son anyway?
Time sleeping isn’t time ‘wasted’, what a weird attitude. Why would you get up at 6am at the weekend if you didn’t have to?

AdaDex · 02/03/2026 10:12

ThiagoJones · 02/03/2026 08:55

Or her boyfriend could make a nice breakfast for them all and do some chores, as he’s up with his son anyway?
Time sleeping isn’t time ‘wasted’, what a weird attitude. Why would you get up at 6am at the weekend if you didn’t have to?

Show quote history

I wonder what the chorus would be if OP was the mother and her DP was 'wasting' time in bed instead of looking after a child that wasn't his.....

I've been in this position and it's very difficult to hold this line as the female non parent. I got no end of shit for basic stuff like an extra hour in bed or even having a shower/bath when his child was there.

Once I was accused of avoiding being with his child because I was making an unnecessarily complex meal for dinner. Apparently this was on purpose so I could keep escaping to the kitchen. I was basting a roast chicken and prepping veg ffs........

OP, you will be looking after both children if you cement this by having a baby with him. He's already told you how he will behave if you have your own. He sees this as your role, even though it's not. If you split in the future he will palm your joint child off onto the next partner as well. Is that acceptable to you?

If you don't want this, there's only one solution. Or give it another decade. I doubt you'll achieve any meaningful change until his son is more independent.

EDIT - Just to say, we didn't live together.

bitterexwife · 02/03/2026 10:26

I think @Cherrytree86was joking… I liked it!
OP could have started planning their lunches for the week too.

ThiagoJones · 02/03/2026 10:33

bitterexwife · 02/03/2026 10:26

I think @Cherrytree86was joking… I liked it!
OP could have started planning their lunches for the week too.

I hope she was 😬

Tuesdayschild50 · 02/03/2026 13:11

I wouldn't have a baby with him... no you are not unreasonable in the slightest .
He is sulking because he has to keep his son entertained by himself .
You are having a sleep in well deserved I expect.
Good that nanny is looking after her grandson and not you ... I have a great idea you go out on Saturday night and find yourself a new boyfriend he sounds like hardwork.

usedtobeaylis · 02/03/2026 13:13

YANBU. Before you know it he'll be expecting you to get up while he has a lie in. This is his child.

Hes said that if we have a baby he’ll enjoy all the lie ins in getting.

Nope nope nope. Don't have a baby with him. He's making it clear to you where this is going.

usedtobeaylis · 02/03/2026 13:15

EllieWales · 02/03/2026 07:14

His comment about being lonely is odd. I think some PPs are getting confused though, he’s not asking you to get up with his child so he can have a lie in he’s asking if you would get up with them. YANBU to think you don’t have to, you don’t, but relationships are about compromise and if it means something to your DP could you not get up with them once in a while?

As for going out and expecting you to look after his child on a Saturday night, how often does this happen? Did he ask? If it happens often and he truly doesn’t ask and just expects then YANBU. You don’t have to look after his child at all it’s your choice but if it was once in a while and he asks (not expects) then I would think that’s ok.

As for the not getting up with your shared baby it sounds like this could have just been a throw away comment because he’s upset you aren’t getting up with them on the weekend. It’s a silly thing to say but it sounds like he’s not a bad dad (unless there’s more to the story) and seems like, from his actions, he’s takes responsibility for his child and therefore probably future children too.

I’m a step mum and have been with my DP since my step son was 2. We now have a son together and another on the way. I would consider if you want to stay in a relationship with someone who has a child. It’s hard at times, you have to compromise whilst maintaining your boundaries. It doesn’t get any easier and there are always tricky situations and feelings to navigate. Is your DP someone you think you can navigate this successfully with? Are you prepared to accept this child as a member of your family if you go on to have kids together?

We're not confused, we're putting 2 and 2 together and getting 'male pattern handing children off'.

itsthetea · 02/03/2026 13:17

I don’t think that you should consider a child as “not yours” when you join forces with their parent

if this was your joint child you would probably share weekend lie ins

but you are treating the child differently by inference

I think this because the child’s needs should always come first and that is being fully loved by all around

not seeing themselves as just one side of daddy life , but fully integral to every part of dads life.

You are creating a child versus girlfriend set up which never ends well

aBuffetofunreasonableness · 02/03/2026 13:22

Cherrytree86 · 02/03/2026 08:38

cant you just get up with them , OP? @probablynoted

You could cook a nice breakfast for your partner and stepson. Plus it then leaves you more time to get chores done in the morning - time that would have otherwise have been wasted in bed.

Why would anyone want to get up at 6am to parent a boyfriends kid for him and perform chores? 😄

She should dump this man and enjoy life.

usedtobeaylis · 02/03/2026 13:24

itsthetea · 02/03/2026 13:17

I don’t think that you should consider a child as “not yours” when you join forces with their parent

if this was your joint child you would probably share weekend lie ins

but you are treating the child differently by inference

I think this because the child’s needs should always come first and that is being fully loved by all around

not seeing themselves as just one side of daddy life , but fully integral to every part of dads life.

You are creating a child versus girlfriend set up which never ends well

The child has a mum. She doesn't need to be a second mum. She can have a perfectly good relationship with her partner and his child without getting up at the crack of dawn.

underthehawthorntree · 02/03/2026 13:29

It's absolutely fundamental that you leave this man as soon as possible. Do not have a baby with him or spend any further time dealing with his bs.