To stay in bed when DP gets up with his child?

[probablynoted]

DP and I have lived together for 2 years, he has a son aged 5. There is constant tension because I don’t wake up on the weekends he’s here when he gets up (around 6am).

He is with us Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday every week.

DP has made comments saying “I’ve been lonely” when I’ve woken up around 8:30/9 and joined them in the living room. Weekdays I usually am up anyway because of work.

DP has said that going forward he wants us to be a “family” which involves me waking up and having breakfast together. He also expects me to look after his son if he’s going on a night out. For example, he’s told me next Saturday he’s out with friends. I’ve said I’m not able to look after his son, so he’s asked his mum (DPs mum).

Hes said that if we have a baby he’ll enjoy all the lie ins in getting.

aibu to not wake up with him and his little boy?

Run for the hills!

@probablynoted I don’t think she is coming back

I’ve read all of your posts, and am I wrong in thinking he wants you to get up with them not instead of him? So he just doesn’t want to be alone as opposed to him being jealous that you’re still sleeping? It’s a little childish I guess, but you’ve lived together for 2 years and been together longer still, you’d think you’d have bonded enough to want to spend some time with DSS and let DP sleep in on
occasion assuming he’s otherwise a good partner/father?

DH isn’t my DDx2 father but sometimes if he sees I’m tired he will tell me to sleep in and he’ll do breakfast instead of us all waking up.
He leaves our baby sleeping next to me until he wakes then takes him down too, then I’m left to wake up naturally. It’s really lovely to be looked after and I appreciate the sleep.

IMO it’s an odd dynamic to get together with a man who has a 1-3yo and majority custody if you have no intention of having any sort of parental role? However, I seem to be in the minority!

How lucky you are @probablynoted to see how monumentally shit he would be as a comparent BEFORE YOU SADDLE YOURSELF WITH HIS KID

End it. This isn’t going to work out.

There is constant tension because I don’t wake up on the weekends he’s here when he gets up (around 6am).

He also expects me to look after his son if he’s going on a night out.

Hes said that if we have a baby he’ll enjoy all the lie ins in getting.

He already sees you as the bangmaidnanny and makes it clear he's mad when you don't get with his plan and do his work. He's literally told you what will happen if you have a baby with him. He thinks you're there to do the childcare. You'd be very foolish to have a baby with him when he's already mad you don't parent his kid and he's said he'll be leaving you to do the work of you have one. The picture he's painted of your future is quite clear.

He's taking the fkn piss. His child, his work. Please don't have one with him.

Why, on earth, would anyone stay in a relationship as awful as this?

@arethereanyleftatall
Because for some people being in a relationship - no matter how awful - is better than being single.

Whatever you do don’t have a baby with this man . He is not the boss of you and can’t dictate when you get out of bed. You also are not responsible babysitting his son when he fancies a night out .We will probably find out further down the line that you’re paying all the bills because it’s your house.

Op he’s a cheeky bastard it’s his son not yours just tell him you work hard all week and you deserve a lie in. He is controlling op he can ask you if you will get up or look after him but not dictate god help your dc if you have one.

Hes looking for a servant/slave

Do not have a child with this man baby!!! Lonely indeed. His kid, his problem. And his ex is laughing with the amount of time the child is with the dad. Again, his choice.

In that thread, the man had a daughter and i think the daughter was younger 3 yrs..4yrs.
I can't find the thread, so not sure if it is the same username but the stories are almost exactly the same.

So I was in a similar position to you, we had my now DSS every other weekend. I'm an early riser so generally woke up with them, but I'm pretty sure unless I was off out on an early walk or something I would make a coffee and go back to bed to read or something. Now I have my own kids I remember those mornings very fondly as they're a few years off returning 😂
My now DH never said a thing, I would have been a bit dumbfounded if he did. He quite enjoyed those lazy mornings 1-1 with his son before we got up and dressed and out for the day.

Sounds like your partner doesn't want to shoulder the responsibility for his own child

Me, too!

I think this relationship is a mistake.

This with bells on.
Don't have a baby with this man.

I remember that thread. Her husband (I think) was obsessed with the gym.

Don’t have a baby with him.

You have to wonder why he isn’t with the ex don’t you. If I were you, I would be running so fast right now. He is a total twat. Controlling unreasonable behaviour.

Actually quite shocked at the responses. I thought it would be the other way round? If a woman posted to say that he boyfriend doesn’t help with her child despite living together and just stays in bed until late morning, what would you say to that? I

I don't think anyone would expect the boyfriend to be doing childcare!

You think people would be saying that her boyfriend should be getting up and caring for her child while she has a lie in? Rubbish.
Apart from anything else, surely the child would far prefer to spend those couple of hours every morning with their own parent, not their parent’s boyfriend/girlfriend?

No this poster is correct. No ffs needed. At all.

Is marriage on the cards?
Yes or no- I think you need to really think about your future with this man.

Have breakfast with us all as a family translates to ‘why should you get to lie in bed- I will stop that’.

He is already trying to use you as a babysitter.

If you had a baby together, he has already told you he will not be up early in the morning (and will say you were aware of this as technically he’s already told you).

He would then also say you’re up with the baby anyway so you can be up with his son- after all he’s already done 2 years worth so you have a lot of making up to do.

These are the red flags you have failed to see previously.
All these replies saying similar are because lots of us can see what WILL happen.

Move on and find someone who deserves you.