AIBU? Is this inappropriate?

[Maggymaggy]

I have 3 DS. 2 live with me full time and don’t see their dads aged 10 and 12. The other is 14 and he stays at mine on a Monday night. I had him very young when I was just 17 and his dad was 18. He is close with him brothers and they regularly play together online.

About a week ago they were on video playing games and my eldest had his SM come in the room. He muted so they could chat and she sat on his bed whilst they talked. I felt sick to think of her sat on my DS bed but decided I was just silly.

Last week during half term she picked him up from mine on Tuesday as he wasn’t at school. When he came down she kissed him on the forehead and he give her a massive hug. It made me feel sick this random woman kissing and hugging my son. He then rubbed her belly and asked how she’s feeling, I feel sick just thinking about it.

Then last night they were playing again and she was in the background asleep in his bed. When I asked him about it he said she was making his bed and fell asleep and he decided to leave her. I questioned my ex about it and he said I was BU. I am fuming, why is she even in my DS bedroom?

Please tell me I’m not wrong!

He lives full time with his step mum then? It sounds like he gets on very well with her which is surely a good thing?

the falling asleep on his bed is a bit odd but from your post I’m guessing she is pregnant?

She is one of his primary caregivers along with dad... She is there for him 6/7 nights. It's great that your ds has a loving relationship with a female role model.

Why does he only stay with you 1/7?

The sleeping in his bed thing is a bit odd but assuming she’s his step mother giving him a hug and a kiss on the forehead seems perfectly reasonable.

You say step mother rather than his dad’s girlfriend so how long has she been in his life? She’s not some ‘random woman’

I think the asleep in the bed thing is a bit weird but otherwise I think I’d be glad they get on.

Is she pregnant?

I can absolutely understand your pangs. How long has he predominantly lived there?

Omg

Presumably this women has been in his life for a long time and he lives with her. I suspect you don't think it's inappropriate rather that you're jealous she has this relationship with your son and you don't.

I'm confused. The 14 year old lives with his dad and stepmom 6 days a week and you're cross with this "random woman" for kissing him on the forehead and laying on his bed? She may not be his birth mom but she's his mom for 85% of the time. YABU

Honestly, I'd be more worried if he wasn't close to his step mother, especially if he's under the same roof 6 nights a week (assuming I read that correctly).

It sounds as though you're feeling jealous, probably quite naturally, but it would be unfair to act on it. Maybe you could shift the focus to ways to strengthen your relationship with your son and bond some more with him?

She's not a "random woman." She's his stepmum. He only spends one night a week at your house so spends most of the time at her house.
You should be pleased that his dad is with a woman who cares for your son and clearly has a good relationship with him.

You're the one being super weird about it. From what you describe your son spend more time with "that random women" he lives with most of the week than with you.

She isn't some random woman and you sound jealous. I'd be grateful, not looking to find fault.

Because it's her house and has to make sure it's clean? I'm assuming shes pregnant and thats why he rubbed her belly and shes fallen asleep on his bed. Think you are trying to make it out to be weird because you are upset another woman is taking care of your child.

Well yes I think you're being ridiculous she sounds lovely.

Also do you think she could be pregnant? With regards to the belly rubbing and random tiredness

She’s not a random woman. She a woman raising him 6/7 days a week. He clearly loves her and the more people your children have in their lives that love them unconditionally the better.

I suspect the reason you struggle so much is that your mother 2 don’t have another parent - let alone SP- in their lives so you get them all to your self.

FWIW I’m a LP to a ds and I’d go into his room sometimes to do jobs and sit and chat with him as he gamed - yet I found it so being I’d dose off 😂

You are being a bit silly here OP 🤷‍♀️

Lots of people asking Qs. She is 8 months pregnant which annoys me anyway it’s like he’s trying to make a new family.
Ex got with her 9 years ago married for 7. They have no children so my DS is his only one.

He lives with them as he wasn’t happy with having no privacy here. I have a 2 bedroom house as council say I’m not a priority. He moved in with dad 6 nights a week 5 years ago. Before that it was 4 with me and 3 with dad. He is a typical teen and tells me he only spends time here to see his brothers. He can be mean.

This is suspiciously like rage bait

I think the fact your annoyed she’s pregnant says it all really
yet you’ve had 2 kids by someone else

But you made a new family with your other kids?

He lives with them, they’re married, she’s his step parents and almost ready to give birth - no wonder she falling asleep! She’s also not a random woman?

You're being really weird about this.

He doesn't sound mean he sounds honest and incredibly well adjusted considering everything he's had to overcome. Thank goodness he has a stable loving home with his father and step mum.

Ha ha OP! Are you having a laugh!!

So he (presumably your ex/sons dad) trying to make a new family and that is a bad thing but you have two more sons with two other men and that’s ok ?

I agree this is all very rage baity.

I just feel I’m losing my son if I’m honest. He treats her like him mum and I’m a no one. Maybe I am wrong to be annoyed but I miss him.

Edited as you’ve realised it’s because you miss him.