7 year old child left alone whilst dad goes to the shop

[Pinkie89]

My recently turned 7 year old son has just told me that when he’s at his dad’s, he is sometimes left alone whilst dad goes to the shop. Said shop is a 10 min walk each way. So I’m thinking he’s left alone for a minimum of 30mins! Dad closes the curtains and leaves him a key to get out incase there is a fire.
I am in shock! My son can’t use a key at my house, so I doubt he could use one there! Good forbid something happened. I’m questioning my own judgement but surely this isn’t normal/acceptable? What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with his dad and make things awkward but I don’t feel like this is something I should have to teach him, as a grown man I’d expect him to know this isn’t ok and very dangerous! Also, he has all week to do his shopping! Or he could grow a pair, realise he’s the parent and tell my son he has to go with him!

In some countries. Countries that you agree with. In 'many' countries the age of consent is 14, some it's 12. Are you OK with that too? Because the country says so?

Despite walking home from school with friends from the age of about 7, I remember my mother refused to leave me alone in the house until I was 11. I was so excited I jumped around the room and managed to break a window when a chair slammed into it.

As a deputy designated safeguarding lead in an infant school, this is not ok and we would be reporting to social services!

Bit weird of you to try and connect age appropriate independence with underage sex

Send him this article: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5ye7p34235o#:~:text=Four%2Dyear%2Dolds%20Kyson%20and,the%20Old%20Bailey%20last%20autumn.

Do not need to say more than this.

Oh come on now, this is mumsnet. There's always someone (usually several "someones") who wants to go for the nuclear option. 😂 With someone else's life of course 🤔

He didn’t seem worried or concerned about it

He won’t go downstairs on his own when at my house and if I’m upstairs he tends to follow me up. My son is very intelligent

Respectfully op, this is very telling.
For the record I do think YANBU and 7 is to young to leave alone

BUT

I do wonder if when with you, he is responding to your anxiety . You say he is very intelligent, maybe he follows you around to check that you are alright, not because he can't cope on his own? Just something for you to think about going forwards.

I have a 7 year old (8 next month). I have a shop that is 30 seconds from my house (genuinely across the street). I've left them twice to run to the shop. Once it was absolutely pissing with rain and their big brother was in bed so technically not alone. Once they were ill and we had ran out of calpol.
Leaving them for 30 mins for me is too long.

Not really. It's a perfectly valid comparison of something that some countries do at different ages that doesn't make it mean it's iron-clad OK. You have tried to claim that because 'some countries' say it's OK to leave a 7-year-old it MUST be fine - I simply asked if you'll stand by that for anything, or if you'll admit it's just for things you personally want to believe.

Calling it weird is just trying to avoid the question by deflecting.

Would you rather discuss the age of majority - would that be more palatable to you? Or voting age? Criminal responsibility? That's a good one actually - it's 7 in some countries and 18 in others. Which country would you like to side with?

I think 7 is on the cusp and depends on the child and how how they have been raised. Assuming the kid's ok with it i think most 7 year olds woukd be just fine watching TV for a few minutes. I mean there is a minute miniscuke chance of fire etc, but tgen there's akso a risj of him getting knocked down en route to the shop.
I assume its popping to the convenience store for one or 2 items and he's in and out and closer to 20 minutes than 30.

It's absolutely fine! At 7 mine would have offered to go to the shop for me! By 8 at our school parents aren't allowed at the school gates - honestly I think you're being a bit precious!

My mil did this to my eldest two dd when they were 5 and 6. They were watching cartoons so she went to the shops about 20 minutes away without telling them. The programme finished and they couldn't find mil! Obviously they got very upset - this was in Greece. That was the last time she looked after them!

@Pinkie89 and what happens if there is an accident en route to or from the shop? It won't be 30 mins and the poor child will be terrified.

Same here
i was told to get chops and ask the butcher to ‘make sure they’re nice ones’
He used to look at me pityingly

Yeah but that’s not totally normal
It’s totally fucking bonkers !!!
These people shouldn’t have kids .

I used to leave DD1 at home at this age when she didn't want to come with me. It was only ten minutes though and it was at her suggestion. Most of the time I tried to avoid a situation where I'd have to nip to the shop though.

Police and SS to do what? There is no legal age requirements regarding leaving a child at home to pop to the shops

Not 7. I wouldn’t trust mine in case they do something silly. Like fall down the stairs

I'm saying that 7 year olds in general are capable with the right preparation because they clearly are capable in my country and many others. I did not say it MUST be fine for any 7 year old, in fact in my first post I said the OP's son definitely isn't capable of staying home alone because he cannot unlock the door so wouldn't be able to escape in an emergency.

Clearly was normal where that poster was living. Just because its not normal in your own experience doesn't mean its not normal elsewhere. Parents in my country view certain aspects of British parenting as not normal (there's actually going to be talk in my town for parents by a prominent psychology professor discussing the phenomena of helicopter and curling parenting) but its still normal for Brits.

It's Britain which is the outlier in terms of helicoptering over our children and it's our young adults who are not coping. I wonder why.

It is not something I would do.
Does ex notify to next door neighbour that his child is there?
Has your son practised using the key in case of fire?
Does DS walk to school on his own?

Maybe suggesting that DS asks to go with Dad on the walk to the shop. Maybe giving DS some coins to buy a chocolate frog in case he goes to the shop with Dad.

A calm discussion is sensible.

Do they really? Do they all talk about British parents in particular? How strange, seems a bit narrow.

I'll ask you again and see if you'll answer this time since you've been a bit avoidant about it: It's normal many countries to work at 4/5 and/or be married in your teens. That's 'normal' there. Do you agree that people should be doing it?

I'm sure you could find many people willing to give you a talk on why their cultural norms are superior, if that helps your decision.

Possibly it is statistically more dangerous for a seven year old to drive in the car or walk near a road for ten minutes than it is to sit at home alone and watch TV.
Twenty minutes is very different to a few hours.

Perhaps it will help the child become careful and independent in small steps.

Yes , I do understand what you’re saying , but my point is children 7 years of age regardless of where they live should not be left alone at that age .
That poster whose neighbour would leave her children alone , travel on trams on their own .
She is their Mother, their protector , What , she looks around her & sees this is what others do ?
A case of monkey see , monkey do .

I do realise what you mean though , children are all brought up differently, it depends where you are from .
I just think leaving little kids like that is crazy no matter where you live .