7 year old child left alone whilst dad goes to the shop

[Pinkie89]

My recently turned 7 year old son has just told me that when he’s at his dad’s, he is sometimes left alone whilst dad goes to the shop. Said shop is a 10 min walk each way. So I’m thinking he’s left alone for a minimum of 30mins! Dad closes the curtains and leaves him a key to get out incase there is a fire.
I am in shock! My son can’t use a key at my house, so I doubt he could use one there! Good forbid something happened. I’m questioning my own judgement but surely this isn’t normal/acceptable? What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with his dad and make things awkward but I don’t feel like this is something I should have to teach him, as a grown man I’d expect him to know this isn’t ok and very dangerous! Also, he has all week to do his shopping! Or he could grow a pair, realise he’s the parent and tell my son he has to go with him!

But in some countries it is normal such as where I live (another Western European country)

Well young adults are also not coping elsewhere. Leaving kids alone at a young age is normal where I live yet the young adults very frequently cannot cope with working a full time week

He is much too young to be left alone. Your ex husband is completely out of order. You need to tell him to take your son with him to the shops.

I don’t mean to cause offence.

I just think 7 year old children should never be left alone regardless of where they are from .

We know that child labour is harmful, very young children are at a much higher risk of accidents and death when working and it takes away their childhood, so no, I don't think people should be doing that. 7 year olds staying home alone for short periods of time does not harm them or take away their childhood. You are trying to equate two very different things for some reason.

Walking your child to school past the first few days of 1st grade (unless extra needs that makes them unsafe) would be viewed as quite weird here yet that's very normal in Britain so that aspect of British parenting would be viewed as not normal here.

Your point is that parents in many European countries are parenting wrong then, because they do leave children of that age alone. Why do you think your opinions on how to parent children are superior to theirs? Are the outcomes better?

I think that particular issue has more to do with with the massive amounts of screen time, social media addictions, and the fall out of covid restrictions still playing out than whether or not young people were left alone as children. In my country there is a massive increase in mental health issues in young people, parenting hasn't changed dramatically but social media and screens have (and the country is only just starting to wake up to this fact - children have been getting their first phones at 7 here for a couple of decades, which was fine when it was Nokia bricks but a disaster when it started being smartphones)

@Natsku if children are getting phones at 7 and being left alone do they have free access to these phones/internet when alone. To me that is more damaging than a bit of helicoptering parenting.

Very child dependant I think. I have one child I could have left alone for half an hour at that age and one that I couldn’t really safely leave until he was about 12! I don’t necessarily think it’s irresponsible, the 7 year olds in my family are quite capable of taking instruction and I wouldn’t immediately think the parents were neglectful for leaving them home for half an hour.

Yeah it was fine when it was Nokia's and all they could do was call friends and play snake but parents are starting to wise up and increasing parental controls and locking phones but that's why my DS doesn't have a smartphone and won't be getting one. Now the official recommendation is to wait until 13 so things will change. The problem is they do need some kind of phone because there are no landlines any more, the landline system got shut down a few years ago, and obviously if they are at home alone they need a way to contact parents and emergency services. I suspect brick phones will have a revival here.

I’m afraid I’m not educated enough with regard to your question “ are the outcomes better “ .

This thread was about a 7 year old being left alone by his father for 30 mins while he went to shop .
As I’ve said above , I feel 7 year olds should never be left alone regardless of what Country they live in .

Social services?

I reported mine to social services and school for leaving a 7 year old while he drove to the barbers. They won't do anything, I think they did ring him and explain unacceptable but he didn't listen and did it again a year later. I did same thing again and same outcome. Mines sensible but still allllll wrong. I leave her to go to local shop, can literally see it over the road - massive difference

So you don't think that just because things are the 'norm' they're necessarily correct?

You are trying to equate the two things in order to argue out of them, but I'm only focusing on your erroneous (and arrogant) assertion that because something is 'the norm' wherever you are from, it is unarguably the right thing to do.

Ludicrous and hysterical comparison

Maybe if you're not educated on it you should stop making big pronouncements about how your cultural norms are the only correct ones. Most of us have moved past thinking we should be going forth and civilising the natives of other countries because the way we do things is superior.

Many people are saying a 7 yr old wouldn't know how to call for help in case of emergency etc, surely that is something you train your child in regardless? An emergency can happen with an adult in the house. What if the adult fell down the stairs or has a heart attack or got locked into a bathroom? Yes they are unlikely but no more unlikely than a random fire breaking out while a child is home alone for 30 mins. By 7 a child should absolutely know how to contact emergency services and what to say.

Oh get a grip please .
You sound ridiculous .
Where is it that I said “ we do things far more superior to those that live in different Countries “ ???
I gave my opinion on whether I think 7 year olds should be left alone
And NO THEY SHOULDN’T
Now kindly , BACK OFF !!!!!

I never said that things are correct because they are the norm, I just said that we know 7 year olds are capable of this because it is the norm in many places. I also said it has benefits which means in my opinion its a good thing but that is not the same as saying its the 'correct' thing to do and I was quite clear that its not right for all children, whereas child labour and underage sex don't have benefits, instead they have lots of risks and damage but you still tried to equate them for some reason.

Exactly it shouldn’t matter. Autism shouldn’t be the only reason why I wouldn’t leave my daughter alone. She’s 7 and that’s the primary reason, Autism is a secondary reason. Her older brother is NT and I never left him alone and it never crossed my mind to because he was SEVEN.

And I’ve been thinking about what people have said about it not being normal that a 7 year old would be terrified when on their own. And I still stand by that even without being neurodiverse it is 100% normal for a child if that age to be terrified/worried/scared when on their own without them being labelled as anxious.

If a friend told me they left their 7 year old on their own I would judge them. I’m happy to be called dramatic but at least I’m not a neglect apologist.

You're saying you think leaving kids at 7 OK because that's the norm where you are - whilst also repeatedly saying that many examples of 'the norm' where other people are is terrible.

You THINK it's terrible, because it's unfamiliar to you, but are looking down on others (British parents for example) who think your norm is irresponsible.

In many cultures 4 or 5 is fine to leave kids - but you don't want to hear that. My 4 year old kid would be fine to leave, but you don't want to hear that either. It's only what your normal is that's acceptable, apparently.

You seem to be finding it quite hard to understand what I've written, not sure I can explain it any more clearly.

No no, you've written your stance perfectly clearly. Your message is crystal clear.

So my children are still a few years younger than me get than 7 so definitely not ready to be left alone but reading your post just made me realise that if neither me or my husband were in the house there also wouldn’t be a phone in the house.
I guess before I can leave my children alone I would need to get them phones or at least get a spare one (I have shown the eldest how to call emergency services from my locked phone)

Very very wrong. Speak to him very firmly and explain that leaving a child that young on their own is not acceptable. It only takes a few minutes for something really bad to happen and the poor child will become a victim. Why not walk with him to the shop.? I am sure the child would appreciate that more than being left alone. Is he really going to the shop or somewhere else?