7 year old child left alone whilst dad goes to the shop

[Pinkie89]

My recently turned 7 year old son has just told me that when he’s at his dad’s, he is sometimes left alone whilst dad goes to the shop. Said shop is a 10 min walk each way. So I’m thinking he’s left alone for a minimum of 30mins! Dad closes the curtains and leaves him a key to get out incase there is a fire.
I am in shock! My son can’t use a key at my house, so I doubt he could use one there! Good forbid something happened. I’m questioning my own judgement but surely this isn’t normal/acceptable? What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with his dad and make things awkward but I don’t feel like this is something I should have to teach him, as a grown man I’d expect him to know this isn’t ok and very dangerous! Also, he has all week to do his shopping! Or he could grow a pair, realise he’s the parent and tell my son he has to go with him!

Don’t be daft! I would go to the local shop to get a pint of milk or similar when I was 7 and my parents were extremely loving towards me. ‘Neglect’ 😂Have a word with yourself.

Nonsense. Seven is not the age to learn self reliance. There are too many things that could happen that the child simply wouldn't know how to resolve. Plus factor in how they actually FEEL about being left alone (scared, lonely).
As a PP said, it's ok until it's not.

Exactly!🤣

It's a fact that in many countries in the world 2 and 3 year olds are expected to be fully working alongside their families in the field. What's your point?

7 year olds are capable of many things - should they be doing all of them? That's another question. My own 7 year old is more than capable of being in the house on their own but do I feel the need to regularly put that into action like I'm doing her a favour? No, it's just not something I'm desperate to exploit so I don't have to take her to the shops.

Nothing magically happens on the night a kid turns 7 - the fact that school starts at that age in some countries is arbitrary - it doesn't bestow anything.

My point really is that most of these replies are rose-tinted and fabricated, to seem like some sort of flex.

I do think 7 year olds should be doing things like staying home alone sometimes and exercising independent mobility. Those things are beneficial for them, boosting confidence, making them feel proud of their abilities and with independent mobility they are more likely to get more exercise than children who are only allowed to walk or bike with parents.

Nothing magical happens the night before secondary school starts yet for many Brits that's suddenly the age its acceptable to give children some independence even though they are less likely to strictly follow rules at that age and are more likely to take risks.

Nothing magical happens the night before secondary school starts yet for many Brits that's suddenly the age its acceptable to give children some independence even though they are less likely to strictly follow rules at that age and are more likely to take risks.

Justifying something arbitrary with something else equally as arbitrary is meaningless.

Agreed! Being given a pound each and going to the newsagents for sweets before spending a summer afternoon in the park with my cousins is not neglect - some of my fondest childhood memories in fact.

At some point parents have to start giving their children some independence so that when they grow up they will be functional adults. At what age parents start giving that independence is arbitrary whatever age you decide but it still has to happen and in many countries that starts around 7 and that shows children clearly are capable at that age, which is the point here.

Some of my fondest memories were exploring forests with my brother, no adults around. We had so much fun and learnt to assess and manage risks (my brother got stuck climbing on a massive rock, I had to figure out a way to get him down, which I did eventually and that made me so proud of myself. Plus I enjoyed mocking him for it - nice when the little sister is more capable than the big brother for once!)
Edit: I would have been about 7 or 8 then

So my mum was quite extreme possibly by mumsnet standards but from 5 years old she walked us round the house and talked about how to get out in an emergency.

Please teach your son in an emergency to pick up something weighty and hit the corners of a window and not the middle. The corners are the weakest part.

It could be with an ornament, a chair, a really thick book, anything that has weight.

Hit in the right place a window will break easily.

Teach him if he can't get the window to break, keep his mouth covered, and cover the gaps in the doors with whatever soft furnishings, clothing or bedding he can.

Also show him how the safety catches work if he isn't a windowsill climber by nature.

I don't think your ex should be leaving him alone, but fires do happen when everybody is in the house, and parents can still struggle to get to their children.

I have survived a house fire through arson as a child and so perhaps I feel quite passionately about it, but if you feel your son has the capacity, please consider doing some small age appropriate drills.

This is so far from neglectful it's ridiculous. Giving children a small amount of responsibility is amazing for their development. You can build this sort of thing up over time but most 7 year olds would be capable of it given half a chance (although I can totally understand why people don't want to do it)

Not sure why people are so bothered about a 7 year old not feeling safe if there isn’t an adult around

When it comes to justifying a dad's lazy parenting, some posters will fall over themselves to proclaim why it's perfectly normal and you're the problem if you have any qualms.

They're capable at any age really. I'm sure my 4 year old would be fine in the house for half an hour while I'm at the post office - do you think that's acceptable?

So putting 7 on it and expecting everyone to be OK with it is pointless.

Most 4 year olds would not be capable of remembering and following instructions, unlocking doors, calling emergency services and giving correct address, knowing what to do if there's a water leak or a stranger knocks at the door, or able to tell the time and realise their parents haven't returned when they were supposed to and know what to do then - some can do some of those things but not most and not consistently because 4 year olds just aren't at that level of development yet. Most 7 year olds though, are capable of doing those things if taught how to, and ought to be able to remember the instructions (of course there are outliers and of course there are 7 year olds that are more anxious than the norm so would be scared to be left alone)

Regardless of they home alone thing, it does sound like this is a wake up call for you @Pinkie89 to do some emergency training with your son
How to lock and unlock doors
How to use a phone
How to call for help
Learn his address/your phone number
Fire escape plan

Of course 4 years old can do that! You don't want them to be because it ruins your point but if you teach 4 year olds intensively enough they can totally manage well enough to be left for half an hour.

You want 7 to be a magical number but it isn't, it's made up.

The average 4 year old cannot do all those things consistently, don't be ridiculous. They have brains like sieves at that age and forget instructions quite quickly.

I could say the same about 7 year olds not being able to it consistently but you seem to imagine they can. It's equally as unprovable.

My 4 year old could do it, so I don't know why everyone else isn't doing it too.

It is provable because they do exactly that in my country and many others without increased accidents and incidents.

As could my 4 year old (and many others) but you thought that was ridiculous.

Hypothetically according to you but there is no mass of evidence indicating that like there is with 7 year olds.

Where is the evidence? Aside from 'some countries' doing it?

....ah, the hallowed MN tactic of introducing completely new plot that's unsupported by anything offered by the OP, in order to make someone who's not here to respond look much worse than the facts might suggest, even given the most bleak interpretation.

It's a skill, really, that ability to make shit up. I always wonder what specific experience is being drawn upon with the sole aim of smearing someone about whom the poster knows absolutely bugger all.

'He may well..."

Yeah, okay.

Also, he may well be of the opinion - expressed by quite a few people on this thread - that it's not that big a deal. Or he may well be having an affair with the lady at the cornershop. Or he may well be a closet claustrophobe who needs to get out of the house every so often. Or he may well.... anything you like, apparently.

I walked to school and back by myself at 7 and came home to an empty house an hour before my mum got home from work every afternoon. I was taught to use the key, not to answer the door, who to call if there was a problem, and which neighbours I could rely on if needed. It was never an issue. All the neighbours knew as well and nobody saw it as an issue. I don’t think it’s a big deal as long as your son is taught some basic safety rules while he’s alone

Lol, also smacks of the popular MN trope that all dads don’t want their kids and will do anything to get out of looking after them