7 year old child left alone whilst dad goes to the shop

[Pinkie89]

My recently turned 7 year old son has just told me that when he’s at his dad’s, he is sometimes left alone whilst dad goes to the shop. Said shop is a 10 min walk each way. So I’m thinking he’s left alone for a minimum of 30mins! Dad closes the curtains and leaves him a key to get out incase there is a fire.
I am in shock! My son can’t use a key at my house, so I doubt he could use one there! Good forbid something happened. I’m questioning my own judgement but surely this isn’t normal/acceptable? What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with his dad and make things awkward but I don’t feel like this is something I should have to teach him, as a grown man I’d expect him to know this isn’t ok and very dangerous! Also, he has all week to do his shopping! Or he could grow a pair, realise he’s the parent and tell my son he has to go with him!

Depends on the kid, I haven’t done it. But I could trust my eldest alone for a little bit but no way I would ever leave my middle one. He will set the house on fire for fun so the fire engines come 😩😭

In the absence of special needs, a seven year old should understand what a key is and be able to use one.

I think so @LiquoriceAllsorts2 we still have a landline and kids were shown how to use it, I remember showing DS1 when he was 5 how to call emergency services as I had a fairly high risk pregnancy and was afraid something would go wrong. We also told them about knocking on neighbours door. I think if they are too young for these responsibilities they are definitely too young to be left alone.

Yeh we don’t even have a phone line, I will make sure he knows how to go get a neighbour.

Do you have an alexa?

depends on the child a bit but 7 is just about right to leave for 10/15 m not 30

It's not me that sounds ridiculous.

"Yeah but that’s not totally normal
It’s totally fucking bonkers !!!
These people shouldn’t have kids."

You just said that everyone who doesn't share your opinion- including whole other countries- are "not normal" "totally fucking bonkers" and "shouldn't have kids"...but are now claiming that that's not because you think your opinion is superior and only your way is correct?

We can both write in all caps you know. YES THEY SHOULD. See?

Maybe it's you that should be backing up and backing off.

I think what the poster is trying to say is that because it's normal in plenty of countries and that kids aren't having increased injuries/accidents/emergencies then that shows that it's not necessarily too young. You don't have to agree but you can't say it's absolutely "wrong" when plenty of people do it with no ill effects.

It doesn't really matter whether it's morally 'wrong', 'right', ideal, suboptimal or something else. The child's father, with his equal decision-making power for the child, can legally decide to leave him alone at home and social services won't be interested in this or that he doesn't clean the child's teeth. OP doesn't have the final say in everything the child does, only when he is with her.
Given that this is the case, I don't understand why the OP won't prepare the child a little better to be left alone. She seems actively resistant to teaching him to unlock a door or telling him how to react to a fire. It would also be easy enough to buy him an old Nokia if the father doesn't have a landline.

If it’s a short walk why is he not taking the the child with him??? It’s ridiculous leaving him, when he could easily take him. 🤬

At seven I had to walk several hundred yards to a bus stop and get a bus to school and the same in reverse going home, sometimes there were other children sometimes a parent was there but I could easily be alone sometimes. And often no one was home when I got back from school.

Teaching them to unlock doors, use the phone and know what to do in an emergency may save your life one day, children have often called the emergency services when a parent has collapsed or had an accident. If you were unconscious and your 7yr old child was locked in with you what would happen?

I left mine on their own for short periods at that age. They had to put their coats and shoes by the back door, and put the key in the lock, so that if there was a fire, they could unlock the door and leave the building. And they had to repeat the rule about what to do if someone knocked on the door (do not answer, and do not open the door). They usually just stayed downstairs and watched TV.

As they got older there were other rules: no cooking, and no lighting the fires while we were out. (Activities they would normally do if we were home). And as teenagers: no friends over that we haven't agreed to in advance.

Elephant in the room for me here: in what kind of lunatic setup does anyone ever require a key to EXIT a house? If it’s not illegal it’s completely moronic.

Noooooo
See look at you changing up what you said 🤷🏻‍♀️.

You made out in your previous post that I feel we do things more superior to other Countries when that’s not what I said.
I was talking about one thing & one thing only .
That 7 year old Children should not be left home alone , & yes I stand by what I said .
I do think it’s bonkers , don’t you ?

Lots of doors need to be locked and unlocked with a key.

Not on the inside surely? I’ve never lived anywhere like that (I’m 60s, and have lived in dozens of different houses/flats). It sounds really dangerous. What happens if there’s a fire and you can’t find the key?

Yeah I know what she's trying to say. What I said was that her argument of being normal = being OK falls apart pretty rapidly when you recognise that plenty of things we balk at are viewed as 'normal' in plenty of other countries.

But she didn't want to hear that.

Did you miss the part where I said I will teach him these things or did you purposely ignore it because it doesn’t fit your narrative. As for buying him a phone, the equally responsible father (who pays nothing towards his child btw) can surely purchase this given my son is his responsibility when he’s in his care.

This is good to hear after someone else on here, who also works with kids, told me it was completely fine 😐

Oh right, so you only think your norms are superior in this one area. You of course are the arbiter of which things should be allowed and not allowed for people you've never met in places you've never been to and admit yourself you're not educated about. But you think that no-one who disagrees with you on that thing should be permitted to reproduce. That's OK then.

And clearly, it's everyone else who is bonkers.

Firstly , that was a throw away comment “ These people shouldn’t have children “ .
Secondly , most of the people on this thread have said 7 years of age is too young to be left alone , not just me !!
I’m sure you think the same , not that you’d ever admit it of course 🙄

@smithsgj all our external doors need a key to unlock from the inside (front, back and patio doors)

It is dangerous. It was common until recently with retrofit doors, I hope thats now changed. Building regs require one door to be able to be opened without a key.

I'm not sure it really changes things much, if there's a fire blocking that door you still have to open or smash a window.

Still can't get my head around a 7 year old who doesn't know how to get out of a house using a key, though.

It depends on the 7yo but most 7-8 yos without additional needs should be capable of being left for 30 mins without incident.

Many British 7 yos aren't because they are so babied.

In this case we have a 7 yo who refuses to go downstairs on his own at his Mum's house but will happily stay home alone for 30 mins at his Dad's, showing it's more about expectations than capability.