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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

7 year old child left alone whilst dad goes to the shop

329 replies

Pinkie89 · 27/02/2026 16:35

My recently turned 7 year old son has just told me that when he’s at his dad’s, he is sometimes left alone whilst dad goes to the shop. Said shop is a 10 min walk each way. So I’m thinking he’s left alone for a minimum of 30mins! Dad closes the curtains and leaves him a key to get out incase there is a fire.
I am in shock! My son can’t use a key at my house, so I doubt he could use one there! Good forbid something happened. I’m questioning my own judgement but surely this isn’t normal/acceptable? What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with his dad and make things awkward but I don’t feel like this is something I should have to teach him, as a grown man I’d expect him to know this isn’t ok and very dangerous! Also, he has all week to do his shopping! Or he could grow a pair, realise he’s the parent and tell my son he has to go with him!

OP posts:
exhaustDAD · 27/02/2026 17:14

Abd80 · 27/02/2026 16:45

I would report to the police and social services this is outrageous! Why doesn’t he bring him to the shops ?! Lazy git. And what else is going on that you don’t know about!
i wouldn’t be allowing him to go to his dad’s now as he can’t keep him safe.

Oh wow, that's cranking it up to a 100 from 0, isn't it? Maybe wouldn't start with that extreme step as a start. A conversation with the ex husband first, maybe? One that is of a peaceful tone, because the point is the kid's well-being, not being aggressive towards the ex.
I personally wouldn't leave him on his own that young, and definitely wait until the kid is at least 10...

ALittleDropOfRain · 27/02/2026 17:15

Not in the UK, but DS would be home alone for 30mins from age 6. Kids round here walk themselves to and from school (from age 6), and sometimes also the last year of Kindergarten.

Natsku · 27/02/2026 17:17

You need to have a calm conversation with your ex about this and reach an agreement. You are both parents and you need to be on the same page for decisions like this but that may involve compromising both ways. But if your son cannot open the door with the key then he definitely isn't capable of being home alone and you need to stress that when you discuss with your ex. And work on your son being able to use the key because even if your ex promises not to leave him again who knows if he will, so much better to mitigate that by ensuring your son is able to safely exit.

This would be a complete non-issue where I am though, 7 year olds routinely stay home alone and even the child protection charity advises up to 1-2 hours home alone is alright at this age so a 7 year old ought to be capable of 30 minutes so long as they've been properly prepared but cultural differences means children in the UK are unlikely to be prepared by this age,

sittingonabeach · 27/02/2026 17:17

Is there a reason he can't go to the shops when your son is with you? Or take son with him?

Natsku · 27/02/2026 17:18

ALittleDropOfRain · 27/02/2026 17:15

Not in the UK, but DS would be home alone for 30mins from age 6. Kids round here walk themselves to and from school (from age 6), and sometimes also the last year of Kindergarten.

Same with DD at 6, she got home from school about half an hour before I got home from work. She loved it, would often bring her friend home to play.

LlynTegid · 27/02/2026 17:19

Speak to him, the walk of your DS to and from the shops would be good exercise in any case.

Involve police and social services if this persists.

sittingonabeach · 27/02/2026 17:20

@Natsku I've been involved with a building fire and it was terrifying for me as an adult. I am sure you have told your 6 year old what to do in case of a fire, but would they really be calm and able to cope if they were caught up in a fire in the home?

Natsku · 27/02/2026 17:26

sittingonabeach · 27/02/2026 17:20

@Natsku I've been involved with a building fire and it was terrifying for me as an adult. I am sure you have told your 6 year old what to do in case of a fire, but would they really be calm and able to cope if they were caught up in a fire in the home?

Yeah I talked to her regularly about it as did the fire brigade at school but of course no one knows how they will react in an actual fire situation and I could only hope she would have done as she knew to do but a fire was extremely unlikely and there were no other options, even her social worker (she had a social worker because of a custody battle between me and her dad back then) said its fine and not to worry. This is just reality for most families where I live, childcare does not exist for school age children at all.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/02/2026 17:30

"Dad closes the curtains"
Meaning that he knows it's wrong to leave his child alone in the house.

"Also, he has all week to do his shopping! Or he could grow a pair, realise he’s the parent and tell my son he has to go with him!"
And that's the suggestions I'd be making when I started the conversation with him.

marcyhermit · 27/02/2026 17:31

7 is borderline, it's not clearly neglect even though many British families wouldn't leave 7 year olds for 30 minutes.

I think you need to just chat to dad and explain you're uncomfortable about it, see if you can agree to wait another year before leaving him?

FordExplorer · 27/02/2026 17:33

Ablondiebutagoody · 27/02/2026 16:47

It's fine, unless you are wanting to raise a kid who has no self-reliance

No self reliance? He’s 7!

faerylights · 27/02/2026 17:33

I can't see an issue with this. It's normal across most of Europe for 7yo's to walk themselves to/from school alone - many even catch public transport without adult supervision.

I know the UK is a bit backwards in this respect though.

Papster · 27/02/2026 17:34

LlynTegid · 27/02/2026 17:19

Speak to him, the walk of your DS to and from the shops would be good exercise in any case.

Involve police and social services if this persists.

What does your child think?
Is he worried or does he think it’s fine?
Why can’t he use a key?
Dh seems laissez faire and you are v protective.
You need to agree ground rules in the middle.
There is no legal age limit. The key issue is whether child is deemed at risk. Involving police and Social Services could open a very messy can of worms.

sittingonabeach · 27/02/2026 17:34

@Natsku I always find it interesting when many people in UK wish we had the Finnish system of education in this country as they feel 4 is too young to start school, but I am not sure they would welcome the leaving 6 year old at home alone part!

FordExplorer · 27/02/2026 17:36

Natsku · 27/02/2026 17:18

Same with DD at 6, she got home from school about half an hour before I got home from work. She loved it, would often bring her friend home to play.

This is an appalling level of neglect. 6 years old? Wow. What exactly do you expect a 6 year old to do in the event of a fire/break-in etc? Not to mention the risk to them travelling home alone ffs. Remember the Soham murders? Things aren’t quite like they were in the 80s anymore, sadly. If only!

APatternGrammar · 27/02/2026 17:37

It mightn't be the choice you'd make but both parents have equal say. It isn't illegal and there's nothing to suggest your son is being placed at risk so it's probably something you won't be able to change. I'd concentrate on giving him the skills to be safe alone.

Ilovelurchers · 27/02/2026 17:38

Before reporting him to the police (?!) as other posters have suggested, the first thing you need to do is check if it's true!

I am NOT suggesting your son is deliberately and maliciously lying, but 7 year olds get confused and say all kinds of shit. At about that age, my daughter told me that on holiday her dad left her in a hotel room for hours, and him that I allowed her to cross a main road independently - I am confident neither were true. They were baaed on some kind of experience she had no doubt but in her 7 year old marvelous, creative, random imagination she had exaggerated wildly.

As separated parents, the very best thing we can give our kids is a solid, amicable, respectful co-parenting relationship. So your approach to this needs to be measured and considerate.

Approach him in the way you would like him to approach you, if DS said an equivalently worrying thing to him about his experience under your care.

You would want him to raise it, of course. But respectfully and politely. Make it clear you are making no assumptions, and just need to check what's happening as it's something DS has made a point of raising.

And if it DOES turn out he is indeed leaving DS for a half hour stretch, then yes you need to address it - but please don't report him to the police immediately. Maybe just speak honestly, say it really worries you and would he mind taking DS with him going forwards? It would make you feel greatly reassured if he would.

Assuming he is a loving dad generally, he's just shown bad judgement on this occasion but will hopefully rectify it when he sees the stress it has (understandably) caused you.

But there is every chance it isn't true, based on my experience of 7 year olds and their splendid imaginative powers.

LuciferTheMorningStar · 27/02/2026 17:41

Don't see the problem. I walked to school alone at 6, came back, and stayed home until my parents came back from work. Or went outside to play with friends. My daughter did the same, school at 7 (I started one year too early), walking alone, staying home. European country. Don't get the hysterics. 7 is a normal age, not a baby.

Ah, but I get it, all the other Western (and otherwise) developed, European, first world countries are wrong, and it's only the UK that is the beacon of... everything.

Natsku · 27/02/2026 17:41

sittingonabeach · 27/02/2026 17:34

@Natsku I always find it interesting when many people in UK wish we had the Finnish system of education in this country as they feel 4 is too young to start school, but I am not sure they would welcome the leaving 6 year old at home alone part!

Yeah the system as a whole has things that would both please and horrify many parents. But part of what makes it work well is that children are encouraged to be more independent and responsible from a younger age, including more independent and responsible in their schoolwork so you can't just take some bits of the system and expect it to work without the rest.

Natsku · 27/02/2026 17:42

FordExplorer · 27/02/2026 17:36

This is an appalling level of neglect. 6 years old? Wow. What exactly do you expect a 6 year old to do in the event of a fire/break-in etc? Not to mention the risk to them travelling home alone ffs. Remember the Soham murders? Things aren’t quite like they were in the 80s anymore, sadly. If only!

No things aren't like they were in the 80s, they're much safer now. And its not neglect, I discussed it with DD's social worker - if it was neglect she would have said so! Its perfectly normal in my country where children are raised a bit differently to British children - not wrongly, just differently.

TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened · 27/02/2026 17:43

FordExplorer · 27/02/2026 17:36

This is an appalling level of neglect. 6 years old? Wow. What exactly do you expect a 6 year old to do in the event of a fire/break-in etc? Not to mention the risk to them travelling home alone ffs. Remember the Soham murders? Things aren’t quite like they were in the 80s anymore, sadly. If only!

Holly and Jessica were 10, nearly 11- are you saying that children almost of secondary school age should still be supervised at all times?

A 7 yo should be perfectly capable of being alone for 30 minutes in their own home.

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 27/02/2026 17:45

If you rang social services as suggested, I doubt any action would be taken.

I'd definitely speak to Dad though about your concerns.

Mapletree1985 · 27/02/2026 17:46

Your son is almost certainly much more capable than you think he is. And why don't you teach him how to use a key? It's not hard.

faerylights · 27/02/2026 17:47

FordExplorer · 27/02/2026 17:36

This is an appalling level of neglect. 6 years old? Wow. What exactly do you expect a 6 year old to do in the event of a fire/break-in etc? Not to mention the risk to them travelling home alone ffs. Remember the Soham murders? Things aren’t quite like they were in the 80s anymore, sadly. If only!

Holly and Jessica were 10/11 years old.

What's your point?

ValidPistachio · 27/02/2026 17:47

FordExplorer · 27/02/2026 17:36

This is an appalling level of neglect. 6 years old? Wow. What exactly do you expect a 6 year old to do in the event of a fire/break-in etc? Not to mention the risk to them travelling home alone ffs. Remember the Soham murders? Things aren’t quite like they were in the 80s anymore, sadly. If only!

So, the majority of parents in other European countries are permanently guilty of appalling levels of neglect? Don’t talk rubbish.

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