7 year old child left alone whilst dad goes to the shop

[Pinkie89]

My recently turned 7 year old son has just told me that when he’s at his dad’s, he is sometimes left alone whilst dad goes to the shop. Said shop is a 10 min walk each way. So I’m thinking he’s left alone for a minimum of 30mins! Dad closes the curtains and leaves him a key to get out incase there is a fire.
I am in shock! My son can’t use a key at my house, so I doubt he could use one there! Good forbid something happened. I’m questioning my own judgement but surely this isn’t normal/acceptable? What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with his dad and make things awkward but I don’t feel like this is something I should have to teach him, as a grown man I’d expect him to know this isn’t ok and very dangerous! Also, he has all week to do his shopping! Or he could grow a pair, realise he’s the parent and tell my son he has to go with him!

Feel like it would be safer for you ex to send the 7 year old to the school tbh. Depends on the area though.

The evidence of multiple European countries is not enough for you? If 7 year olds were not capable the statistics for accidents happening to children in those countries would be very high yet they are not. If 7 year olds were not capable then when they grow up and have children they wouldn't let their own 7 year olds stay home yet this continues for generations. If 7 year olds were not capable child protection workers and teachers would tell parents not to do it yet at my DD's social worker told me it was fine and at the 1st grade info evening before DS started school the headteacher advised us that we might want to cancel after school club at Christmas as we find our children (the youngest ones still 6) are ready to be home alone for a few hours (DS finishes school at 12 every day which is several hours before most working days end) after school by then as their independence develops after starting school.

@Natsku I’ve read an article that some older children that are latchkey kids in Finland actually find it hard to be on their own and calls to Child Welfare Helpline are increasing because of this issue

At that age I had a long bus ride home from school, and a long walk at the end of it. On my own.

Even before I could read (hadn’t started school) my Dm would occasionally send me to the village shop with money and a list. To be entirely fair, she did have 2 younger ones at home and no car or automatic washing machine.

I returned to the area a few years ago and having thought it was quite a short walk to the shop, was surprised to see that it was in fact quite a way. Amazingly it all looked much the same as over 60 years ago, though - and this is in a London commuter belt area, not out in the wilds.

None of that is evidence. It's custom and practice.

It's only by chance that the age isn't 4, or 8. You've said you think 4 is too young but you have no 'evidence' to back that up. My 'evidence' is my perfectly capable 4 year old standing before me, doesn't make it gospel.

Children aren't playing together after school as much as they used to so spend more of that time alone rather than with friends and if its several hours every day that can be lonely (though for boys the calls were mainly driven by boredom). This especially worsened after the pandemic which caused a significant decline in children's and young people's mental health. But they also said many children are happy at home still, the most important thing is to talk to your children and make sure they know they can tell you if anything worries them. But its definitely too long a time for some children, I know my 8 year old would be alright for a couple of hours but he would get too lonely for any longer than that which is why he still goes to after school club.

That is how evidence works, when there's thousands of examples of something working then you tend to think that it works.

No it isn't, that's still not evidence. There are countless things in the world that are so that shouldn't be. There are also thousands upon thousands of 4 year olds working - but you yourself don't like that and don't think it's possible. Hmm.

It's common sense really isn't it? 4 year olds are pretty much toddlers, most 7 year olds can read, tell the time, remember what to do in certain situations, have road sense etc. Most 4 year olds don't.

Depends on the child. I was left alone at 7 - I had chickenpox, my mum needed to go shopping, and that meant getting a bus into town so more than ten minutes away and no mobiles in those days.

I was drilled on what to do and what not to do and knew to go to the neighbours if anything happened. I wasn't scared at all, it was fine, I actually remember enjoying it - but I was the sort of child that if you left me sitting down reading a book, two hours later I wouldn't have moved unless it was to get another book.

DS I wouldn't have left alone at 7, I don't think he'd have been ok.

You've plucked that assumption out of the air. 4 year olds can read and tell the time, particularly in some cultures. Some 7 year olds can't.

My problem isn't with some kids being able, my problem is with declaring a child should do these things just because they have been alive for 7 years, no further 'common sense' needed.

Children working in sweatshops is not evidence that 4 years know what to do in an emergency when home alone. Knowledge of child development tells us that 7 year olds are far more capable of remembering and following instructions than 4 year olds, if you don't believe that then its useless continuing this discussion.

Social services! This is a total over reaction. Unless there are other underlying concerns.

Does it? 'Knowledge' of child development tell us that 10 year olds would be better. An 12 year olds better than that. So why have you picked 7? Simply because OP's son is 7 and you want to correct her?

4 year olds don't just work in sweat shops, your increasing desperation is showing. They are capable of all sorts of tasks and do all sorts of work from that age in many cultures around the world. You think they are too young to be left alone but that really is just your own opinion on it so you're digging your heels in and claiming them incapable with nothing to back it up, while 7 is the magical age.

Have a read of Elena Bridges around what 7 year olds can do.

I picked 7 because that's the age when children in many countries manage start to manage successfully alone out and at home for short periods of time, which increases as they get older. Its also the start of the age of reason, when children become more capable of making good decisions.

Thats not the way to raise self reliance. Ridiculous response.

First question would be why doesn't your 7 yr old know how to use a key to his own front door? My grandaughter is 3yrs old and she knows how to use a key on a front door.
30 mins is hardly a lifetime, for all you know your kids dad has gone through all safety precautions with him about what to do in xyz situation. Incidently something could happen to you inside your own home and your son would need to be taught what to do, whats the difference between you lying there unconscious and you not being there at all?

Hmmm my son at 8 years old was very capable of staying home alone and could get himself to and from places
my 9 year old daughter goes shopping in town alone and can happily stay home all day whilst I’m at work, can prepare simple food etc
Staying home for 30 minutes at 7 seems a healthy way to work on independence, it’s about letting them find their feet gradually rather than expecting it to happen all at once later. I’m shocked a 7 year old can’t use a key, so maybe he isn’t ready, however kids quite only solve problems and learn when they need to try. My daughter just came in from skiing alone and told me about a fall she took when she went off into some trees, she had to be resilient and problem solve and she was buzzing off the back of figuring it out, she told me she had to ‘suck it up butter cup’ as crying wasn’t going to help.
it’s worth remembering a girl sailed around the world solo at 13.

Why at 7 can't he use a key

What is so urgent he has to leave his son to go to the poxy shop? he doesn’t live with full time so presumably would want to make the most of their weekends together and not sod off to get shopping he could have done in the week or got delivered.
he’s being really irresponsible. I would be furious

Or you could maybe just have a word with him.

My son is 8 and we’ve left him alone occasionally to nip around to the shop. He has a watch and an iPad to call us if necessary. He’s very mature and this was no big deal to us. We live in Europe where kids his age travel to and from school alone and go to the playground with friends without a parent. It differs from child to child but a mature 7/8 year old is fine to be left alone for a very short time with the appropriate tools

if it’s 30 minutes, that’s too long to leave a 7yo. 5 minutes possibly but not 30.

Yet he wasn’t a bit upset at being left alone when his dad popped to the shop!