Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend has driven off and left her toddler with me after I refused to babysit…

773 replies

DojaPussy · 27/02/2026 14:15

I have been friends with “Claire” for 10 years, I have no children and she has 4.

Claire struggles with all the children and her DH left her when she was pregnant with the youngest “Barry” who is only 2.
He didn’t want more than 2 kids but a mixture of pressure and “contraceptive failures” led to number 3 where he tried to cope but issued an ultimatum about any more and booked a vasectomy as he said he couldn’t risk Claire getting pregnant on the contraceptive injection again.
Before he could go ahead with it baby Barry was on his way so he packed his bags and left, he sees the two eldest but not the youngest two now.
Claire has only ever half heartedly tried to deny it was on purpose and just said she was 40 and desperately wanted another and was nearly out of time.

Claire is constantly asking me for help with childcare and I’ve helped a bit over the years but I hate it because she’s very soft with the kids and they are a nightmare to look after and I didn’t choose not to have my own to help raise someone else’s!

I’ve been off work this week and have been having a lovely relaxing time with long lie - ins, going to the gym, the hairdresser, seeing friends, hiking and just enjoying free time.
I was supposed to go away for a short break but finances wouldn’t allow it so I’m trying to make up for that with other little treats.
I have a pedicure booked today at 3.45 at local spa hotel round the corner and bought a day pass to use the gym and pool facilities then was meeting a friend for dinner in the hotel restaurant.

Claire asked yesterday if I could look after Barry today because she “has an appointment” I suspect its meeting someone she’s been dating because she’s mentioned before that he works from home Friday mornings then finishes early and she wouldn’t elaborate on the appointment except to say “it’s important”.
I said no I wasn’t watching Barry and told her my plans, she said he could come along and I said absolutely not it wouldn’t be allowed!
She begged me to change plans but I said I’d lose money and I won’t get a chance or have the time to go for a long time - plus I just don’t want to.
Claire slammed the phone down and I thought she had got message.

She turned up at my house about half an hour ago to apologise and I let her in and we had a little chat and after 15 minutes she started begging me to babysit again, I said no again and she started crying hysterically saying she can’t cope anymore, she’s then walked off to her car and got in it and has driven off!

I think the whole performance was planned and I’m not wasting my plans being manipulated into childcare.

I have a few options and looking for advice on what people think I should do next…

I could take Barry to his dads at work but that seems unfair on him,

Take him to her sisters who works from home (another frequent reluctant target for babysitting) in the hope she is in,

take him to my neighbour who is a childminder and see if I can pay her to mind him (and get reimbursed off Claire) I know Claire would normally be against this as she usually doesn’t like leaving kids with people she doesn’t know but after today’s antics I’m not sure she’ll care.

I have so far text Claire and left messages saying I’m ringing the police if she doesn’t come back and if the other options fail how unreasonable would it be to do that? I thought I’d give her half an hour where I have typed out this post and I’ve text her parents and I’m waiting to hear back from them in the hope one of them might be free to collect him.

I’m guessing all the people above have been asked and refused so that makes it trickier.

I’m seething with anger and can’t believe she’s done this. It’s the sort of thing that’s in cheeky fucked legend but you don’t think anyone would do in real life!
It’s lucky we live in a small village where I know most of Claire’s friends and family because if I don’t track someone down Barry is getting dropped at the police station. I’ve wasted so much time on this already.

Changed my name not to be outing but tbh I don’t care if the situation is outing because if Claire didn’t want people to know what’s she’s done then she shouldn’t have done it.

OP posts:
NewZebra · 27/02/2026 14:17

She’s batshit. I’d ring the police.

CelebrateWhat · 27/02/2026 14:17

Call the police and ss. Say he has been abandoned

GirlFromMontmartre · 27/02/2026 14:17

Police

Sparrow91 · 27/02/2026 14:17

Police. Now.

its obvious she needs more support but that needs to be social services, not you. Also what a CF for dropping her kids at the drop of a hat just so she can meet a man!!

GirlFromMontmartre · 27/02/2026 14:18

I’ll wager this is the tip of the iceberg

LVhandbagsatdawn · 27/02/2026 14:19

I would also call the police. They can get social services involved if appropriate.

Yes you could try her sister or her ex husband (and yes her ex husband should be parenting all four children), but those avenues won't actually get her on the radar or solve anything except continuing to enable this irresponsible behaviour.

MrsLizzieDarcy · 27/02/2026 14:19

I'd ring social services, say she isn't coping and that she's abandoned her child with you. Let her face the consequences.

wishingonastar101 · 27/02/2026 14:20

This is so horrible. I would take Barry to the dad's office. He doesn't sound like a great parent either... taking him to the police would mean she has her children taken into care, I would imagine, and, although she deserves that - do the kids?

DaisyChain505 · 27/02/2026 14:20

Police. She obviously isn’t coping and needs help.

dicentra365 · 27/02/2026 14:21

I’d be tempted to drop with the dad and wouldn’t care if it was unfair on him. Police and social services also a good shout and drop her as a friend whilst youre at it.

WearyAuldWumman · 27/02/2026 14:21

NewZebra · 27/02/2026 14:17

She’s batshit. I’d ring the police.

This. Phone the police. Or - if possible - drop the kid off there. Let the police deal with social services.

I suspect that if you phone SS, the police might just try to fob looking after the kid on you. You have things planned. Let the police deal with it.

If you take any of the other options, your 'friend' will just shit on you again. You're being used. The friendship is over. Police.

WallaceinAnderland · 27/02/2026 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LVhandbagsatdawn · 27/02/2026 14:22

wishingonastar101 · 27/02/2026 14:20

This is so horrible. I would take Barry to the dad's office. He doesn't sound like a great parent either... taking him to the police would mean she has her children taken into care, I would imagine, and, although she deserves that - do the kids?

Edited

Given there is a father, grandparents, and other extended family it is highly unlikely the children would be taken into care. Taken off the mother perhaps after relevant steps taken, but it would be extremely odd to put them all into care straight away.

d0gindoghouse · 27/02/2026 14:22

Sounds a bit like a cry for help in someway. Personally I would go straight to the police. If she needs help then this can start the ball rolling. I honestly am shocked someone would do this unless they are at breaking point and imagine they would breakdown and say as such. This would also be the end of the friendship.

If for some reason it isn't a cry for help she is one piece of work.

RedTagAlan · 27/02/2026 14:23

MrsLizzieDarcy · 27/02/2026 14:19

I'd ring social services, say she isn't coping and that she's abandoned her child with you. Let her face the consequences.

Maybe not "consequences", but get help certainly?

wombat1a · 27/02/2026 14:23

Police. Make sure to tell them she is in a state and that you are serious concerned about her mental and physical well being as she has abandoned her child with you and driven off crying saying she can not cope. Hopefully they will find her.

Have nothing to do with her in future, never let her into your house again.

JoeTheDrummer · 27/02/2026 14:24

dicentra365 · 27/02/2026 14:21

I’d be tempted to drop with the dad and wouldn’t care if it was unfair on him. Police and social services also a good shout and drop her as a friend whilst youre at it.

But that’s not fair on poor Barry. OP says the Dad has no contact, so no different to the child than if he was dropped off with a stranger.

Toddlerteaplease · 27/02/2026 14:24

Police.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 27/02/2026 14:25

I would absolutely call the police in these circumstances.

And the friendship would be over.

TonTonMacoute · 27/02/2026 14:26

Anyone who would do this needs to be reported to social services (vis the police if necessary) - not as a punishment but as a protection for her and her children. She is clearly highly irresponsible and incapable or listening to reason.

ForLoveNotMoney · 27/02/2026 14:27

I would text her say if she isnt back in 15 minutes you'll be taking Barry to the police station and reporting him as abandoned, and then actually do it.

RancidRuby · 27/02/2026 14:27

You need to call the police and/or social services. If she’s at the end of her tether then she clearly needs SS intervention anyway. If she isn’t and she’s just a cheeky fucker, you still need to call the police otherwise she’ll know she can take advantage of you again. Nip this in the bud now.

hollytheheroic · 27/02/2026 14:27

Agree a third party intervention is required here, police can track her down and this needs flagging with social services anyway. Next time she may leave him alone at home to go and meet her date.

DesertRome5 · 27/02/2026 14:27

While anger is understandable, please also consider that there is no way a mother in her right mind would do this. He's 2. And you seem to have a lot of sympathy for a man who abandoned 2 children, that man is a fucking psychopath.

Call the police and social services but reserve some sympathy for your friend who is clearly just not coping.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 27/02/2026 14:28

Ring the police and take Barry to the sister’s. He’ll be safe. Mum will discover there are consequences.

I would apologise to sister and hope she agrees you have no choice.

Swipe left for the next trending thread