My friend has driven off and left her toddler with me after I refused to babysit…

[DojaPussy]

I have been friends with “Claire” for 10 years, I have no children and she has 4.

Claire struggles with all the children and her DH left her when she was pregnant with the youngest “Barry” who is only 2.
He didn’t want more than 2 kids but a mixture of pressure and “contraceptive failures” led to number 3 where he tried to cope but issued an ultimatum about any more and booked a vasectomy as he said he couldn’t risk Claire getting pregnant on the contraceptive injection again.
Before he could go ahead with it baby Barry was on his way so he packed his bags and left, he sees the two eldest but not the youngest two now.
Claire has only ever half heartedly tried to deny it was on purpose and just said she was 40 and desperately wanted another and was nearly out of time.

Claire is constantly asking me for help with childcare and I’ve helped a bit over the years but I hate it because she’s very soft with the kids and they are a nightmare to look after and I didn’t choose not to have my own to help raise someone else’s!

I’ve been off work this week and have been having a lovely relaxing time with long lie - ins, going to the gym, the hairdresser, seeing friends, hiking and just enjoying free time.
I was supposed to go away for a short break but finances wouldn’t allow it so I’m trying to make up for that with other little treats.
I have a pedicure booked today at 3.45 at local spa hotel round the corner and bought a day pass to use the gym and pool facilities then was meeting a friend for dinner in the hotel restaurant.

Claire asked yesterday if I could look after Barry today because she “has an appointment” I suspect its meeting someone she’s been dating because she’s mentioned before that he works from home Friday mornings then finishes early and she wouldn’t elaborate on the appointment except to say “it’s important”.
I said no I wasn’t watching Barry and told her my plans, she said he could come along and I said absolutely not it wouldn’t be allowed!
She begged me to change plans but I said I’d lose money and I won’t get a chance or have the time to go for a long time - plus I just don’t want to.
Claire slammed the phone down and I thought she had got message.

She turned up at my house about half an hour ago to apologise and I let her in and we had a little chat and after 15 minutes she started begging me to babysit again, I said no again and she started crying hysterically saying she can’t cope anymore, she’s then walked off to her car and got in it and has driven off!

I think the whole performance was planned and I’m not wasting my plans being manipulated into childcare.

I have a few options and looking for advice on what people think I should do next…

I could take Barry to his dads at work but that seems unfair on him,

Take him to her sisters who works from home (another frequent reluctant target for babysitting) in the hope she is in,

take him to my neighbour who is a childminder and see if I can pay her to mind him (and get reimbursed off Claire) I know Claire would normally be against this as she usually doesn’t like leaving kids with people she doesn’t know but after today’s antics I’m not sure she’ll care.

I have so far text Claire and left messages saying I’m ringing the police if she doesn’t come back and if the other options fail how unreasonable would it be to do that? I thought I’d give her half an hour where I have typed out this post and I’ve text her parents and I’m waiting to hear back from them in the hope one of them might be free to collect him.

I’m guessing all the people above have been asked and refused so that makes it trickier.

I’m seething with anger and can’t believe she’s done this. It’s the sort of thing that’s in cheeky fucked legend but you don’t think anyone would do in real life!
It’s lucky we live in a small village where I know most of Claire’s friends and family because if I don’t track someone down Barry is getting dropped at the police station. I’ve wasted so much time on this already.

Changed my name not to be outing but tbh I don’t care if the situation is outing because if Claire didn’t want people to know what’s she’s done then she shouldn’t have done it.

What if she just dumps the child in a supermarket next week instead?
Ring the police and social services.

Phoning the police isn’t scapegoating it’s safeguarding.

Your Friend was crying hysterically, told you she can’t cope anymore, drove off and abandoned her child! Call the Police now.

Plus also continuing to have sex with no other protection

Take him to her sisters and call social services.

Sounds like a cry for help, she is at breaking point. The dad should have stepped up not run off.

When all this is over you need to break the friendship. I don't have kids and I'd be angry beyond belief if a friend pulled a stunt like this on me.

The child has 2 parents. If you can't reach her, then he is the next best option.
Whether he agrees or not, he can't just put the blame on his ex and forget about his own responsabilities.

This is for social services.

Dealing with someone who dumps their kid when you've said nois above your pay grade. You can't enable her anymore after this.

I would contact family (whether grandparents, sister or father) and hope someone steps in for the poor soul. Whatever you do, you need to call social services and make a report

Poor Barry and poor you. If it’s a small village with an open police station (what luxury) I would cruise past the parents and try to drop him there and failing that take him to the police station. Do not keep hold of him, you’ll be signing up to do this again and again and poor Barry isn’t being properly looked after.

I would be ringing social services.

If it’s accurate that the dad has refused to see the child since birth then it would be unfair on the child to be left with a total stranger. (even though related) I would call Social Services urgently.

Side note, if dad was unhappy with the contraception situation, he could have easily abstained until after his vasectomy. Both parents sound equally bad. Poor kid!

His main mistake was to continue having sex with a woman he knew wanted more children, surely? Nobody forced him to do that.

Take him to his dad rather than wasting police time, and end this so called friendship.

Given the OP calls it a “performance” I’m inclined to believe her. She knows Claire, we don’t - but everything she has described on here is a manipulative person who will lie and deceive to get whatever SHE wants. She literally doesn’t care about any person that isn’t her.

I would call the police and report her for child abandonment. She doesn’t sound like a woman in crisis, she sounds like a woman who wants to fuck her new boyfriend because he’s WFH, and her child was in the way of that.

I would block Claire after this is over and never speak to her again. She’s a user and not your friend. Her poor children. Their dad isn’t much better.

OP take him to the police station and explain what happened. Then tell them the problem with his mum - that she’s clearly not coping, you are afraid for the children and cannot look after the boy because you have an appointment. Social Services will undoubtedly be involved but that’s really what needs to happen. I doubt they will be taken into care, not least because there is other family there, but mainly because Social Services will look to help in the first instance. It sounds horrible but she can’t be allowed to treat her kids like inconveniences and this will be the best way to try to get her to step up. I also wouldn’t worry about the effect on your friendship because I suspect it’s dead in the water after this anyway.

Take to her sisters, call social services and the police.

This is not a waste of police time.

Next time Claire might dump the poor kid with someone who is not as trustworthy...

It's a call to your local MASH team 'multi agency safeguarding hub'. Google MASH and your area.

I totally and completely disagree with this. There is no way I can force my DH to have sex with me and ejaculate inside me, on a regular basis, for years. Can you? He continued the relationship and continued to have unprotected sex, leading to not 1, but 2 more children.

And he can be angry and divorce for any reason. But actually selectively abandoning 2 children out of 4 screams horrible, horrible man to me.

firstly she isn’t a friend she’s just using you.
So you need to do what’s best for the children .
I’d phone the police. As someone else said I’d say this is just the tip of the iceberg.

You don’t think someone choosing to abandon their child with someone who has categorically stated they do not want to look after that child, and has no legal obligation to do so anyway, is a reason to contact the police? You do understand child abandonment is a crime?

I'd take the poor little fella round to his aunties, he'll be less scared of your u give him to someone he knows. After all this instead his fault.
Then I'd contact social services.

How is it wasting police time ? The woman has effectively abandoned her kid so she can go and shag her boyfriend. Reporting it to the police will involve social services and they will put a stop to her treating her kids like inconveniences.