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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start WW3 with my SIL

734 replies

Allthewineandallrhedrinks · 27/02/2026 06:30

Long story but I will keep it short.

Me and my husband had decided to stop speaking or engaging with SIL. Mainly because of an incident where my husband said something in a jokey way to my neice and she literally sulked off to another room in my parents house like it was the biggest deal making me feel uncomfortable and she's not even blood related.
I messaged my brother about Easter as we always do stuff all together and I said we need to do it separate this year. He asked why I said because your wife is a toddler sulking off and we don't want to see her again. Hears nothing more from my brother.

So then at my kids school it all gets a bit weird my mum friendship circle start ignoring me and I keep asking whats wrong and they say nothing all fine. But then they are organising meet ups without me which never happens. I normally am one that arranges them. I keep asking what's wrong. Finally find out. My SIL has told one of the mums that she knows through work about my husbands past. He did some bad stuff and was in prison but he did his time and is an amazing person.
Now because of my bitch SIL I am now isolated from my friendship group.

I was willing to not make a big deal and just not speak or see her again but she has made this personal and I cannot let this go.

OP posts:
Odditea · 27/02/2026 06:32

I want to hear your SIL’s side of the story

SettingSunStillness · 27/02/2026 06:32

What sort of bad stuff?

Smowk · 27/02/2026 06:32

There is so much missing here.

Brewtiful · 27/02/2026 06:33

Odditea · 27/02/2026 06:32

I want to hear your SIL’s side of the story

Me too. I suspect it would tell a VERY different story.

Faceon · 27/02/2026 06:33

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IntelCoreStrength · 27/02/2026 06:34

What was the “jokey comment” your husband said to your niece?

Smowk · 27/02/2026 06:34

What did your husband say to the niece?

Why was he in prison?

And this…

I messaged my brother about Easter as we always do stuff all together and I said we need to do it separate this year. He asked why I said because your wife is a toddler sulking off and we don't want to see her again.

…makes you sound a nightmare tbh.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 27/02/2026 06:35

Sounds like you started it. Don't start shit, won't be shit.

Motnight · 27/02/2026 06:35

You need to let it go. Anything else and you are feeding into the drama. You've told your brother that he basically had to choose between you and his wife. His not replying is his response. Is it worth losing your brother over?

Out of interest what did your husband say to your niece that caused your SIL to leave the room?

Edited due to typos!

TidyDancer · 27/02/2026 06:36

Yeah it depends what he did and how long ago. She may not have had ‘good’ motives in telling them but if it’s bad enough you can’t really blame them for creating distance.

Also probably relevant what your DH said to your niece. You sound like you may well be the type to downplay stuff so I’m not sure on this.

ByDreamyNavyDreamer · 27/02/2026 06:37

Your reasons for essentially cutting your SIL off weren’t justified. Most people would have a civilised chat about it when she’d calmed down, maybe see if the comment your husband made wasn’t great? You know, behave like adults. No wonder she was annoyed- she might be childish too but you didn’t cover yourself in glory. Sounds like the school friends are lost to you - I’d move on and think about how I behave to others in the future

Pernicketywishes · 27/02/2026 06:38

How old is the niece? She sounds like she didn’t appreciate the joke. You don’t say what it was, but there are any number of reasons why it might have upset your niece.
I’m confused as to why this led to you not speaking to your SIL.

Sharing information later by your SIL sounds unkind, though you don’t state why your OH was in prison - this could be relevant.

I’m not sure why you think starting WW3 is a good idea? Just stay out of each other’s way if you don’t get on.

If the school Mums are distancing from you, make new friends or try talking to them. Again, it depends what the conviction was for.

sorrynotathome · 27/02/2026 06:39

IntelCoreStrength · 27/02/2026 06:34

What was the “jokey comment” your husband said to your niece?

Something highly inappropriate perhaps?

LemonSorbetCone · 27/02/2026 06:39

tbh they don’t sound like good friends for cutting you off like that. What did your DH do? It wouldn’t occur to me to cut off the criminal’s wife unless it was a certain kind of crime and she stayed.

your sil shouldn’t have said anything but I think this is mainly on your friends.

the story also sounds like your DH and you aren’t faultless. He made a ‘joke’, you decided you wouldn’t speak to her again and sent a nasty text and he has criminal tendencies you need to be cagey about. Maybe instead of focussing on your SIL you need to look closer to home.

PrismRain · 27/02/2026 06:40

Anything described as “in a jokey way” was likely inappropriate and possibly creepy. That’s the phrase, along with “it’s just a bit of banter”, that people use to justify why they’ve said something wildly inappropriate, rude, mean or creepy.

PeopleLikeColdplayYouCantTrustPeopleJez · 27/02/2026 06:40

Tbf you started this. Your husband said something to your niece that offended her mother enough that she left the room (but didn’t start a fight) you then told your brother you didn’t want to see his wife again because of that incident (which your husband created with his “jokey comment”)

What did your husband do to end up in prison btw? If you can slag off your SIL on a public forum then you can tell us the bad thing(s) your husband did to end up inside.

Faceon · 27/02/2026 06:40

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CypressGrove · 27/02/2026 06:41

What is your niece not being blood related got to do with anything? What exactly did your DH say to her?

lifeisgoodrightnow · 27/02/2026 06:41

Sounds made up

MaryBeardsShoes · 27/02/2026 06:42

“She’s not even blood related”
Is your husband?

Aiming4Optimistic · 27/02/2026 06:42

I think the reason your h was in prison and they thing he said to your niece are key here.

No one who is a behaving reasonably just stops talking to their sil and effectively cuts off their own brother, without a proper conversation first. Going no contact is usually years in the making, where a person has been pushed to the limit. But you just decided this after one incident where she was clearly upset.

RosesAndHellebores · 27/02/2026 06:42

WW3 would just be more drama which ypu seem to like. No, it wouldn't be reasonable.

Perhaps your playground friends have had enough of you too. Whst did your DH do? What did he say to your niece.

Miranda65 · 27/02/2026 06:42

Grow up, OP, you're being pathetic. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill!

Smowk · 27/02/2026 06:43

I feel like OP may not return…

thepariscrimefiles · 27/02/2026 06:43

What did your husband say to your niece? He seems to be the problem here as he said something that about your niece that obviously really offended your SIL and the stuff he did in the past is bad enough for your entire friendship group to ostracise you.

You make a point of your SIL not being blood related but neither is your husband. How is it different?

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