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Original poster

To start WW3 with my SIL

734 replies

Allthewineandallrhedrinks · 27/02/2026 06:30

Long story but I will keep it short.

Me and my husband had decided to stop speaking or engaging with SIL. Mainly because of an incident where my husband said something in a jokey way to my neice and she literally sulked off to another room in my parents house like it was the biggest deal making me feel uncomfortable and she's not even blood related.
I messaged my brother about Easter as we always do stuff all together and I said we need to do it separate this year. He asked why I said because your wife is a toddler sulking off and we don't want to see her again. Hears nothing more from my brother.

So then at my kids school it all gets a bit weird my mum friendship circle start ignoring me and I keep asking whats wrong and they say nothing all fine. But then they are organising meet ups without me which never happens. I normally am one that arranges them. I keep asking what's wrong. Finally find out. My SIL has told one of the mums that she knows through work about my husbands past. He did some bad stuff and was in prison but he did his time and is an amazing person.
Now because of my bitch SIL I am now isolated from my friendship group.

I was willing to not make a big deal and just not speak or see her again but she has made this personal and I cannot let this go.

OP posts:
Chipper28 · 27/02/2026 07:03

You sound unbelievably childish, petty and nasty. I wouldn't want to be friends with you either. Also it's extremely relevant what your husband went to prison for, especially if it involved a child. Why would anyone want their kids around someone who has been in prison for an offence involving a child?

Velvian · 27/02/2026 07:03

What did your husband say @Allthewineandallrhedrinks ? It obviously really upset your SIL, even if you want to brush it under the carpet.

Walking away was a perfectly reasonable reaction from her.

Superhansrantowindsor · 27/02/2026 07:03

You told your brother you were not speaking to sister in law because you thought her behaviour was inappropriate at your parents house. Are you 5? Adults talk calmly about problems - they don’t stop talking to people.
Also people are entitled to end a friendship if someone in a couple has a criminal past.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/02/2026 07:04

It’s not PRIVATE information, going to prison is public information

She’s done nothing wrong here apart from tell the truth, the shame is all yours

HoppityBun · 27/02/2026 07:04

Allthewineandallrhedrinks · 27/02/2026 06:59

It absolutely was not sexual related. It did sort of involve a kid but not in any sequel way. It was a very long time ago and he has changed and learnt from his mistakes. They shouldn't be bought up its a private matter.

He cant remember exactly what was said because he said it was so nothing and therefore OTT for her to walk out in a strop.

I dont get how people on here think it would be ok for her to share private information knowing the impact it could have on a family.

Of course he can remember what he said.

What was the offence?

FWIW I think it’s an unpleasant pack mentality for these mothers to isolate you because they have been told something about your husband’s past.

ChalkOrCheese · 27/02/2026 07:04

Clear example of you and DH fucking around and find out.

Your husband made her uncomfortable and rather than apologising, you told your brother to push his wife out. The mother of his child. You say he didn't have to choose but clearly he felt he did amd so he chose her.

She probably told the mutual school mums that your DH said something inappropriate and gave the full context- that he had a conviction that may be relevant- and now.theu don't want their kids near your family (and tbh as much as the conviction, it's the poor judgement to think its OK for him to upset someone and then for you to fan the flames calling SIL a toddler. It.doesnt make you look like the... "perfectly perfect" people ypu want to be seen as).

Ps, hisnconviction is probably public record anyway.

XiCi · 27/02/2026 07:04

Allthewineandallrhedrinks · 27/02/2026 06:59

It absolutely was not sexual related. It did sort of involve a kid but not in any sequel way. It was a very long time ago and he has changed and learnt from his mistakes. They shouldn't be bought up its a private matter.

He cant remember exactly what was said because he said it was so nothing and therefore OTT for her to walk out in a strop.

I dont get how people on here think it would be ok for her to share private information knowing the impact it could have on a family.

So are you saying that you dont even know what he said to her to make her so upset? And he doesn't remember? That seems very unlikely given what followed

Icepop79 · 27/02/2026 07:04

Did you even hear what your husband said to your niece? I assumed you were present, but your last reply suggests you’re relying on your husband’s account to inform whether your sil was overreacting by walking out.

Oh, and I’m assuming that if the offence was not sexual but involved a child, then that really only leaves violence. I can entirely understand why the school mums have distanced themselves.

falalalaa · 27/02/2026 07:04

You’ve dug your own grave here

Endofyear · 27/02/2026 07:05

Sounds like your SIL was pissed off and went into another room to avoid a row. A sensible response. You're the one creating all the drama. How is 'starting WW3' going to help matters?

As for your school mum friends, they obviously weren't that good friends if they've ostracised you because of a rumour about your husband. If they were good friends, they would have spoken to you about it and asked about your husband's previous conviction. To be fair, if it was something involving a child, they have every right to not want their children around your family.

TheoreticallyAdult · 27/02/2026 07:05

Team SIL

Pricelessadvice · 27/02/2026 07:05

OP, you aren’t coming across very well at all. “Not blood related”- that’s a low blow.
I think that your husbands past is highly relevant here. It involved a child, enough said. Even if it’s not sexual, any crime involving a child is horrific.

Perhaps your niece didn’t like being teased by a bloke who has been in prison.

Motomum23 · 27/02/2026 07:05

Your husband was in prison for something involving a kid- sexual related or not you MUST be able to see how your SIL could possibly be over sensitive about a poorly worded joke to her own child from him. And whatever he did is bad enough that your friends dont want to know you - dont place that on your SIL, your husband committed the crime its his fault.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/02/2026 07:06

We need to know what the husband said.

If it was so nothing, why do you both remember that that was why she left the room?

And also why he was in prison that “involved a kid”.

But either way, you didn’t need to make a point of calling your brother to say you weren’t speaking to his wife. Presumably you did that because you weren’t getting the attention you wanted for the drama you were trying to create?

Sounds like you were trying to freeze this poor woman out of the family and sadly for you, she’s turned the tables on you with your friends.

Moral? Don’t start anything you can’t finish! And dont start something with a person who knows compromising info about your DH.

ThejoyofNC · 27/02/2026 07:06

You started it.

ThatCyanCat · 27/02/2026 07:07

Team SIL.

Whaleandsnail6 · 27/02/2026 07:08

Such drama!

The sil and niece stuff you are being ridiculous about...get over that

The friendship group thing... I judge your friends rather than your sil.

If your friends were decent people, they would speak to you to get the facts, or not be so judgemental to write an entire family off due to offences from a number of years ago without having a conversation first

I think you do your fair share of stirring with the messaging and need to look at yourself in all of this instead of blaming sil for everything

EricTheHalfASleeve · 27/02/2026 07:10

To actually get a custodial sentence a crime has to be pretty bad in the UK. Not sexual so presumably violence or drug related? He either was violent towards a child/ where another perpetrator was a child, or involved in drugs offences with children.

So was it violence or county lines OP?

If I found out that sort of info about a school parent I absolutely would cut them off.

simpledeer · 27/02/2026 07:10

I suspect SIL version of this would be illuminating…

HeNeedsRehab · 27/02/2026 07:10

You’ve caused this by adding to the drama with the ‘we’re not playing with you at Easter’ playground antics.

it’s massively relevant what your DH said to your niece and what his conviction is. I suspect both are dicey which is why you aren’t sharing.

If for example he’d gone to prison for fraud for stealing money to pay for his sick mums care, that’d illicit more empathy than if he’d hit a child with his car. They both must be bad otherwise you’d be sharing to get people on your side.

goz · 27/02/2026 07:11

Your DH being in jail for something “related to a child” isn’t really private information though. Anyone could find it out.
It clearly wasn’t minor or it wouldn’t have changed how so many people viewed him, the reaction from people suggests it wasn’t some small misdemeanour.

BustyLaRoux · 27/02/2026 07:12

So it’s not OK for SIL to strop off when she didn’t like something your DH said. But it IS OK for you to stop speaking to her?! Isn’t that the same as stropping off because you don’t like what she did?

I think you have terrible double standards.

I think the fact she stropped off in your parents’ house, thereby making you uncomfortable as she “isn’t even a blood relative” of your parents, is a horrible attitude!

I think you’re happy to create drama instead of shrugging something off that was so long ago apparently your DH can’t even remember what he said, as long as you’re the one creating the drama and not her.

I think you’ve put your brother in a difficult and unnecessary position.

I think you’re downplaying what your DH said to your niece and what crime he did (involving a child?!) by glossing over those details when actually they’re pretty important!

I think you don’t like your SIL and have described her as Miss Perfectly Perfect. Sounds like you had beef with her stemming back a while and were looking for an excuse to cut her off.

You are not coming across well at all here.

Walkerzoo · 27/02/2026 07:12

Offence is important. As is what was said
Perhaps SIL is trying to protect other kids and hence telling friends......

LemonSorbetCone · 27/02/2026 07:12

Wait - hang on?! You didn’t hear the comment so only have your DH’s word to confirm it was a joke?!

It was foolish of you to go on the attack in this scenario

deadpan · 27/02/2026 07:12

There's something about the way you describe all this that makes me think there's more to their relationship (your husband and his sister). If she's told your friends about your husband's past I would have thought it would make at least some friends more intrigued rather than shun you. After all it isn't you who's been in prison.
Having said that, I don't agree that she should have told anyone, it does seem a vindictive thing to do.

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