To start WW3 with my SIL

[Allthewineandallrhedrinks]

Long story but I will keep it short.

Me and my husband had decided to stop speaking or engaging with SIL. Mainly because of an incident where my husband said something in a jokey way to my neice and she literally sulked off to another room in my parents house like it was the biggest deal making me feel uncomfortable and she's not even blood related.
I messaged my brother about Easter as we always do stuff all together and I said we need to do it separate this year. He asked why I said because your wife is a toddler sulking off and we don't want to see her again. Hears nothing more from my brother.

So then at my kids school it all gets a bit weird my mum friendship circle start ignoring me and I keep asking whats wrong and they say nothing all fine. But then they are organising meet ups without me which never happens. I normally am one that arranges them. I keep asking what's wrong. Finally find out. My SIL has told one of the mums that she knows through work about my husbands past. He did some bad stuff and was in prison but he did his time and is an amazing person.
Now because of my bitch SIL I am now isolated from my friendship group.

I was willing to not make a big deal and just not speak or see her again but she has made this personal and I cannot let this go.

Nah this is all you, dismissive of your niece, cruel and childlike about someone else having feelings about what your husband said and did going to prison and all of that. Your behaviour is a nightmare and childish too and you are reaping what you sow but I doubt you’ll ever see the part you play in your chaotic interpersonal relationships.

Just following for the drama. It sounds like a shit show to me.

I think everyone is being really harsh here.

I see blood related comment about my SIL was a bit uncalled for but she is the one not blood related in my parents house. She is always Miss perfectly perfect.

I was fine with my brother he didn't even know until I said about sorting Easter plans to avoid a clash that we weren't talking to his wife. I wasnt making him choose. I just dont want to see her. If she can make me feel uncomfortable in my parents house I don't want to see her again. It was totally OTT her walking out the room and staying in a different room.

I dont think it matters the conviction it was a very long time ago and he did his time and rehabilitated and is a good member of society.

What shes done telling this private information to my friends is unforgivable. What if my kids lose friends too

You sound like a bully and I wouldn’t really want to hang around with a prison family- where the husband has done “bad stuff” at school either

What was the comment your husband made to your niece? How old is she?

She sounds like a really nice and good person I can see why that might trigger the hell out of you.

"She's not EVEN blood related" so what she has no right to be upset? Despicable mindset.

What did your dh say to your niece?
Is the conviction related to children?

Your brother is in a difficult position now. I feel for him.

Op it sadly for you and your children it does matter what the conviction is for.
it also matters what the joke was about and it matters even more if the joke and criminal record are connected.

I dont think it matters the conviction it was a very long time ago and he did his time and rehabilitated and is a good member of society.

It absolutely matters.

You being so cagey makes me think he was a sex offender and it was something inappropriate he said to your niece.

Oh no your niece’s reaction to your DH taking the piss out of her made you feel uncomfortable.

So what did your husband say to your niece?? And how old is said niece?

That is fairly relevant. Edit: and you’re being a bit cagey, tbh…

Sounds like your jealous of your SIL.

She over-reacted to something (who doesn't over-react sometimes???) and then you decided to not speak to her over this (very petty and unkind) so she decided to retaliate over your pettiness.

Ultimately this is a friend issue. If they liked you then they wouldn't have an issue with whatever your DH did and would trust your judgement. Clearly they dont trust your judgement.

You sound petty and emotionally immature

You being so cagey makes me think he was a sex offender and it was something inappropriate he said to your niece I am getting those vibes as well.

OP you havent addressed the questions most PPs have asked.

What was the jokey comment? If it was something silly or minor, then it would possibly make your SIL's reaction over the top and if there is further backstreet, it could explain your nuclear reaction.

You have not said what your husband went away for. He may served his time and be rehabiliated not only in person but in law, but it is very relevant to understanding if your 'friends' actions in distancing themselves from you is reasonable or fair.

I think that Op is going to deliberately not going to respond to the questions asked.

It absolutely was not sexual related. It did sort of involve a kid but not in any sequel way. It was a very long time ago and he has changed and learnt from his mistakes. They shouldn't be bought up its a private matter.

He cant remember exactly what was said because he said it was so nothing and therefore OTT for her to walk out in a strop.

I dont get how people on here think it would be ok for her to share private information knowing the impact it could have on a family.

It absolutely was not sexual related. It did sort of involve a kid but not in any sequel way.

uh huh.

my husband said something in a jokey way to my neice and she literally sulked off to another room in my parents house like it was the biggest deal making me feel uncomfortable and she's not even blood related

Your dh obviously hurt her feelings with his comment. I think you know it was bad since you've chosen to leave it out. I would have told my husband to apologise and I would have gone to get my Sil and tried to work things out but that's just me.

And her leaving because she was hurt made you feel uncomfortable? I'm sorry but that has narcissist written all over it.

And the fact that she's not blood related makes her feelings unimportant? So we can go around and hurt everyone who's not blood related?

Where I do empathise with you @Allthewineandallrhedrinks is about her telling your friends of your dh's past. That was totally uncalled for..unless it was of safeguard concern if his conviction involved minors and his comment to her daughter was linked to this somehow.

You need to say what your DH said to the niece otherwise we can't judge whether the SIL was justified in sulking. It seems a huge overreaction from you to immediately cut her out of your lives and what you said to your brother was unnecessary. Im not surprised he doesnt want to engage with you. What was your DH in prison for? If they are true friends then they will speak to you about it and won't let it affect your friendship. I guess its one of those times in your life you find out who your real friends are

I would love to know what this “ jokey comment” was . Either way you started it and she’s finished it

The fact that you point out the niece isn’t blood related speaks volumes, it’s your brothers step daughter and somehow she doesn’t hold the same value in your eyes, lovely

He can remember, he's just too embarrassed to say.

The offense involved a child? As an accomplice or victim?