To start WW3 with my SIL

[Allthewineandallrhedrinks]

Long story but I will keep it short.

Me and my husband had decided to stop speaking or engaging with SIL. Mainly because of an incident where my husband said something in a jokey way to my neice and she literally sulked off to another room in my parents house like it was the biggest deal making me feel uncomfortable and she's not even blood related.
I messaged my brother about Easter as we always do stuff all together and I said we need to do it separate this year. He asked why I said because your wife is a toddler sulking off and we don't want to see her again. Hears nothing more from my brother.

So then at my kids school it all gets a bit weird my mum friendship circle start ignoring me and I keep asking whats wrong and they say nothing all fine. But then they are organising meet ups without me which never happens. I normally am one that arranges them. I keep asking what's wrong. Finally find out. My SIL has told one of the mums that she knows through work about my husbands past. He did some bad stuff and was in prison but he did his time and is an amazing person.
Now because of my bitch SIL I am now isolated from my friendship group.

I was willing to not make a big deal and just not speak or see her again but she has made this personal and I cannot let this go.

Early start on here this morning.

I’d not want to socialise with someone who downplayed their husband’s previous bad behaviour that sent him to prison.

It also depends very much what was said to the niece. One person’s “bants” can be highly offensive to the person towards whom it’s directed.

Maybe if he’d apologised sincerely at the time for causing offence, and not tried to minimise the niece’s feelings, you’d not be considering starting WW3 - which in itself seems like such a childish thing to say.

I’d be keeping to myself for now and keeping an eye on my husband’s behaviour if I were you.

Your SIL told someone about your DH being in prison. You've said this is true, he did something bad and has done his time. So your SIL has literally stated facts, she hasn't lied, shes told someone something that literally anyone could stumble across.
Last week I googled something random and included in the article was the court pages from my local area. It included a friend's name and their conviction and what it was for from 9 years ago. This information didn't change my opinion on the person, depending on if it had been something more serious it may have done.
Sounds like your jealous of your SIL from your comments on here so good knows what you're like to her in real life! Good on your DB for sticking up for his family unit.

Sounds like you’ve been a massive drama queen. So she stropped off into another room, big deal. Just roll your eyes and get on with it. You don’t have to cut off your brother and kids just because you don’t like her, it’s not their fault. You’ve been way OTT.
and it’s not like your mum friends couldn’t have found out about your husband, it’s not like SIL is lying.

This.

Perhaps the sulking wasn't such a big deal that you shouldn't have just moved past it instead. If you want a fight, you can usually get one. And "sorry, we didn't mean to offend" might have defused things right back at the start of this. Depending on the "joke" I guess ...

There might also be an element of your friends feeling that you withheld something from them that they ought to have known, in deciding to let their dc come to your house. Obviously, it massively depends on the conviction, but there may be a difference in what you and your friends consider to be relevant information

Maybe it's a runcible spoon? 😹

I don't know the whole story but from what you've written and the way you've written it, I'm team SIL

Your husband can definitely remember what he said to your niece and deep down you know that.

Husband’s conviction and custodial sentence involved a child. Thought it might. Rightly or wrongly that’s why your friends have distanced themselves from you.

In hindsight, if someone you don’t like much (but is harmless enough) knows stuff about you and your family that you don’t want other people knowing, maybe don’t upset them? Maybe just stfu?

You sound like the toddler here 🤣

@Allthewineandallrhedrinks

You lack major self awareness and have no self ownership.

If your mother suggested an apology was necessary, why didn't he instead of you both stropping off 'like toddlers' because you were 'raging' about it?

I think if my husband upset my niece and then I called my sister in law a sulky toddler we wouldn’t be welcome by my brother let alone anyone else.

What exactly would this WW3 entail? You already don’t speak to her or see her. You’re already demanding separate events. What do you actually want? Have an argument? A fight behind the bike sheds? Make your parents pick between you and your brother?

Do you also plan to start WW3 with the mum that told all the other mums?

You and your husband can’t remember yet it was a big enough deal at the time to make you decide never to speak to her again?
Yeah nothing you’re adding actually makes sense.
Now you only knew because your mum told you? Yet you were there and didn’t think it was a big deal or your SILs reaction was warranted?

I’ll wait for the details of the crime, the comment and the SILs POV!

None of us were there OP so we only have your version of events, but you really aren't coming across well.

You clearly dislike (jealous of?) your SiL for whatever reason and are using this opportunity as a 'gotcha' moment (look everyone!!! What a horrible person she is!!).

Calling her Miss Perfectly Perfect, a toddler, sulky, not blood related...because you DH said something 'jokey' to her daughter (a comment that now he suddenly has amnesia over so you've no way of knowing if it was something offensive).

I'm wondering if this has caused SIL to think 'fuck you, I've had enough of these comments' and launched a grenade to deal with you both. She played it well because the information she told your playground mums will be public knowledge, they can just google to get the relevant info anyway, so all she's done is given the mum's a 'heads up' to the kind of person who could be around their own kids at parties or play dates. 🤷‍♀️ people normally want to protect their kids.

I'm wondering if your DB hasn't replied because he cba with your drama. And what do your parents think of it all? 🤔

So many questions...but I don't think OP will be back...

Also interesting that what he said to the niece sounds “so much worse written down” than it actually was yet he can’t recall it exactly and now neither can you although it’s not clear whether you were even there to hear it.

So what was the comment the best you can recall it - even if you don’t say what it was exactly?

I am actually really shocked that people dont think it was awful my SIL told people this she had no right and knew full well what she was doing thats just nasty.
The thing is im not being cagey but ehat my husband did sounds worse written down and the mums have found the news paper about what he did ( over q5 years ago). It doesnt give context and he has changed made mistakes but learnt from them.

But so the information she gave them was entirely publicly available? They didn't decide to withdraw from you because of what SIL said had happened, but because of what they read in published accounts? I'm sorry that it's affecting your children, who are innocent parties in this, but I think if whatever they learned about your husband makes an entire group of people want no interaction with your family then they probably feel that they did have a right to know. They are presumably also massively questioning your judgement.

“The thing is im not being cagey but ehat my husband did sounds worse written down.”

Right… so your husband has done something that sounds terrible written down. You’ve got bigger issues than your sister in law.

You very much are the problem as is your husband.

He can’t remember because he doesn’t want to admit to what he said.

“it sounds worse written down” wtf…. I wouldn’t want anything to do with the both of you either.

How on earth can you be so sure that your SIL is over-reacting - to the extent that you cut her off - when you don’t even know what your DH said to her daughter?

You bloody well do know what your husband said to her. And you know that writing it here will expose him as the arsehole / creep that you’re so cagily trying to protect him as being.

So tell us what he did and give us the relevant context.
Tbh, you can't decide to cut her off and say you will see her dh and dc without her and not expect her to bite back. You also seem to think your brother should be okay with that or that she will allow you to see her children. These are not things that you can decide - other people have opinions and rights too. I wouldn't let my sil unilaterally decide she was going to see my kids but freeze me out!