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Original poster

To start WW3 with my SIL

734 replies

Allthewineandallrhedrinks · 27/02/2026 06:30

Long story but I will keep it short.

Me and my husband had decided to stop speaking or engaging with SIL. Mainly because of an incident where my husband said something in a jokey way to my neice and she literally sulked off to another room in my parents house like it was the biggest deal making me feel uncomfortable and she's not even blood related.
I messaged my brother about Easter as we always do stuff all together and I said we need to do it separate this year. He asked why I said because your wife is a toddler sulking off and we don't want to see her again. Hears nothing more from my brother.

So then at my kids school it all gets a bit weird my mum friendship circle start ignoring me and I keep asking whats wrong and they say nothing all fine. But then they are organising meet ups without me which never happens. I normally am one that arranges them. I keep asking what's wrong. Finally find out. My SIL has told one of the mums that she knows through work about my husbands past. He did some bad stuff and was in prison but he did his time and is an amazing person.
Now because of my bitch SIL I am now isolated from my friendship group.

I was willing to not make a big deal and just not speak or see her again but she has made this personal and I cannot let this go.

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 28/02/2026 17:55

DotAndCarryOne2 · 28/02/2026 08:52

So basically you’ve ignored half of the story. OP’s DH has a child related conviction, for which he went to jail. OP won’t give us the details. SiL is fully aware of it but trusts he’s rehabilitated as OP says, and allows her DD to be around them. DH then makes a remark to her DD, for which even OP’s mother thinks he should apologise, but he won’t. Again OP won’t give us the details of what was actually said.

SiL leaves the room to avoid a row and OP and her DH flounce, in the profoundly mistaken belief that they are the injured party. OP then causes further drama later on, by telling her brother they are not speaking to SiL and will not be spending Easter with them.

I’d wager that something in the remark DH made has caused SiL rethink whether he’s actually safe to be around children, given what she knows about him. I think that’s why she told a mutual friend in the knowledge that it would filter back to the school mum’s group and alert them to a potential threat, and clearly what he did was significant enough for them to take a step back from OP to protect their children.

Seems to me that OP and her DH are the ones who won’t accept any accountability for their actions, and SiL has had a major rethink. I don’t blame her to be honest.

Edited
Show quote history

If true, the SiL was completely out of order telling someone so it would filter through the group.

EatYourDamnPie · 28/02/2026 18:03

Mumtobabyhavoc · 28/02/2026 17:55

If true, the SiL was completely out of order telling someone so it would filter through the group.

Show quote history
  1. She couldn’t have known it would filter through the group (maybe suspected/hoped for it) or how the initial mum/the others would react.
  2. She’s actually allowed to warn a friend/coworker about the people her child is interacting with.
  3. Does that mean you wouldn’t do it? Regardless of the risk?
DotAndCarryOne2 · 28/02/2026 18:15

Mumtobabyhavoc · 28/02/2026 17:55

If true, the SiL was completely out of order telling someone so it would filter through the group.

Show quote history

Why ? It’s pubic knowledge. If SiL had a reason to think DH wasn’t safe around children then she’s doing the responsible thing in trying to safeguard them. If the rest of the school mum group have stepped back from OP then clearly what he did wasn’t insignificant.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 28/02/2026 18:20

Notsosweetcaroline · 28/02/2026 09:33

Yeah I think she wanted valitdating the sil was out of line and had no desire to look at her and her husbands behaviour

i slso really doubt the sil did tell, I think the op wants to believe that and has come to thr wrong conclusion; the woman’s a lawyer, she won’t want to be telling people she knows through work about her bil proactively. As it could be seen as a reflection on her.

this is all about the ops jealousy.

Show quote history

SiL didn’t know about him through work, she has no obligation towards confidentiality as it was a matter of public record and made the papers at the time.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 28/02/2026 18:29

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/02/2026 15:53

I also doubt SIL told anyone.

Apart from anything else - why would her being a lawyer mean she would know OP's husband had been to prison 15+ years ago? What would bring it to her attention? I really cannot think of any likely scenario. The best I can come up is that his court case was so unusual that it has become a legal precedent quoted in cases she has been involved in, or that she has a client who was his victim all those years ago. Not really very likely, is it? (And that's assuming she's a criminal lawyer, whereas she might be a commercial / divorce / conveyancing lawyer.)

Show quote history

OP didn’t say SiL knew about the conviction through work. She said SiL told someone she works with and who is a mutual friend of someone in OP’s school mum friendship group, and that’s how it got back to them. SiL already knew about DH’s conviction.

AnnieLummox · 28/02/2026 19:34

Apart from anything else - why would her being a lawyer mean she would know OP's husband had been to prison 15+ years ago? What would bring it to her attention? I really cannot think of any likely scenario.

Erm… isn’t the most likely scenario that her husband - you know, the OP’s brother - told her?

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/02/2026 19:46

DotAndCarryOne2 · 28/02/2026 18:29

OP didn’t say SiL knew about the conviction through work. She said SiL told someone she works with and who is a mutual friend of someone in OP’s school mum friendship group, and that’s how it got back to them. SiL already knew about DH’s conviction.

Edited
Show quote history

"My SIL has told one of the mums that she knows through work about my husbands past."

Ooh, you're right! I misread it that she knew about OP's husband's past through work, not that she knew the mum she told through work. I've been talking bollocks in every post. [blushes]

DotAndCarryOne2 · 28/02/2026 19:57

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/02/2026 19:46

"My SIL has told one of the mums that she knows through work about my husbands past."

Ooh, you're right! I misread it that she knew about OP's husband's past through work, not that she knew the mum she told through work. I've been talking bollocks in every post. [blushes]

Show quote history

Understandable though - the wording’s confusing and OP didn’t clarify until a later post that the friend from work knew the school mum group OP was in.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 01/03/2026 10:35

OP if you come back to this thread- perhaps consider, is what your DH did in the past so bad that if school mums had heard about it any other way, they’d have cut you off earlier? Then you were always at risk of losing your community.

You can’t expect someone you have fallen out with to the extent you are refusing to attend family things she is at, to show you “family loyalty” and keep your secrets.

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