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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To confront my SIL over my MIL's birthday cake?

196 replies

Sophiehoney · 26/02/2026 17:04

My MIL just had her 60th birthday at the weekend.

She has three kids all with spouses. We all agreed back in September that each couple would take on a different job to provide a nice birthday party for her. Bring in mind she does a hell of a lot for us in terms of babysitting all three sets of grandchildren and generally just being there over the years, it was universally agreed she deserves it.

BIL and wife were in charge of booking the venue and sending out invites. They did this brilliantly.

We (DH and I) were in charge of buying decorations and decorating the venue. We did this, at quite a cost as there were lots of personalised decorations, photo board etc, plus things we made ourselves, and it took a whole day to set up.

SIL and husband were in charge of providing the buffet and birthday cake.

All roles agreed on five months ago.

SIL asked back at the beginning of January if she was still OK doing the catering including cake. She said "yes, of course" Two weeks before the party we asked SIL how she was getting on with the food and if she needed any help and she said "yeah, I can do it if you want, when is the party again?" She was reminded and asked if she needed any help. She said no and asked for people's opinions on what flavour cake MIL would like because she was making the cake herself.

2 days before the party, SIL gets on the WhatsApp group and asks if people can come round and help her make buffet food the next day as she wouldn't be able to manage it in addition to making a cake. We said yes, we'd come after work in the evening and help her finish off.

Got there about 6pm and everything is sitting in shopping bags not even started. She hadn't been working that day and her kids had been at school. Her husband has been home since 4pm and has also done nothing. We worked until almost 10pm helping her make sandwiches, sausage rolls, chicken skewers, salads, fancy olive stick things, pasties, a cheeseboard, desserts etc etc loads of food, and then she announces she won't have time to make a cake now. I'm like.... You haven't made the cake?! And she just shrugs and says she'll have to get one tomorrow (the day of the party)

Morning of party she WhatsApps and asks if anyone happens to be going to a supermarket and can pick up a birthday cake. DH tells her I have bought a really fancy topper that goes with the beautiful, tall fancy birthday cake with fresh flowers she was planning on making, similar to one she made for her daughter, so she is able to make it, and that she showed to us all last year, and that it wouldn't work with a supermarket cake and she just said "well, I won't have time now"

So I rang around some bakeries and by some miracle found one that could provide me with a very nice cake that looks looked like someone had put some effort in, but which was a 40 minute round trip and would cost us over £100.

DH and I spend several hours decorating the venue and then get ready for the party, go get the cake and get there just in time to bring to the party.

The party goes well. All night people are complimenting SIL on the food, she takes all credit for it, and then someone asks her if she made the cake, and SHE SAYS YES, and then this person keeps telling everyone how impressed she is with SIL's baking all night and for the next couple of days while SIL and her family do nothing to correct them.

AIBU to think SIL is being a cheeky bitch and want to tell her so?

DH says to leave it, I didn't make the cake so it's not like it's my credit she's claiming, he was happy to do it all for his mum, and she didn't ask us to get a bakery cake, we could have just got a Tesco one.

But I'm just seething over how little effort she puts in when it's her that asks MIL for the most and then has the audacity to lie about it.

OP posts:
bugalugs45 · 26/02/2026 17:11

I’d be fucking fuming too , and if I’d been there when said conversation took place I’d have said something along the lines of ‘ no you didn’t make the cake remember, you didn’t have time , in fact your brother went to get it and paid for it’

MatildaTheCat · 26/02/2026 17:19

The whole family should mention her delicious cake at every opportunity for the rest of all time. Ask her when she will make another one? Can she send you the recipe? Can she help you make one? Can she remind you where to buy x special ingredients and can she maybe vary it for Easter with y filling? Fill many minutes reminiscing about The Cake en famille.

It sounds a lovely party for MIL and SIL is a lazy baggage.

Sophiehoney · 26/02/2026 17:28

MatildaTheCat · 26/02/2026 17:19

The whole family should mention her delicious cake at every opportunity for the rest of all time. Ask her when she will make another one? Can she send you the recipe? Can she help you make one? Can she remind you where to buy x special ingredients and can she maybe vary it for Easter with y filling? Fill many minutes reminiscing about The Cake en famille.

It sounds a lovely party for MIL and SIL is a lazy baggage.

It's already been brought up and it's not even been a week. SIL's teenage daughter keeps saying "mum said the bakery cake was hers and everyone believed her" as if pulling this off is something to be very proud of.

OP posts:
IdRatherBeTalkingTudors · 26/02/2026 17:37

OMG I’d be absolutely fucking livid if I was you! Outrageous! The cheek of it!

Jasmin71 · 26/02/2026 17:38

I would never ask her to do anything again that involves any effort on her part. Alternatively I would just ask her to pay someone else who is actually reliable for any future "tasks" relating to family functions.

caringcarer · 26/02/2026 17:40

I'd have said no you didn't make it you were too busy and we got it from a bakery if I had heard her lying her head off. I'm not too subtle and I can't stand liars so I wouldn't have shut my mouth.

BruFord · 26/02/2026 17:42

I hope she’s reimbursed you and your DH for cost of the cake? What a cheeky mare!

Boxthree · 26/02/2026 17:44

It's a very odd state of affairs, but who decided that booking the venue, decorating and arranging all the food and the cake were equitable tasks, in terms of time or money?

Has she had the hump about that all along?

I don't know what you'd achive by confronting her.

Twasasurprise · 26/02/2026 17:47

Is it just me thinking that the cake and catering was the biggest, most expensive job by far? I'm not sure who is the CF here, but not yet convinced it is the SIL (who maybe isn't even the child of the MIL).

Edit: I see maybe not just me, from the cross-post above.

janietreemore · 26/02/2026 17:48

What a pain SIL is. But did it take you by surprise? I have a relative who always does that kind of thing and I don't ask her to do anything now.

sesquipedalian · 26/02/2026 17:48

“someone asks her if she made the cake, and SHE SAYS YES, and then this person keeps telling everyone how impressed she is with SIL's baking all night”

And you didn’t apprise her of the truth? When SIL replied that yes, she had made the cake, the words, “No you didn’t: we had to drive forty minutes to pick up and pay for it” would have been out of my mouth before she could draw breath. What a CF - I would be livid!

Cravey · 26/02/2026 17:49

Make a post on social media and tag her in it, whilst also tagging the bakery that made the cake. Might shut her up !

Tcateh · 26/02/2026 17:49

Was there any salad?

Sorry TV show reference that popped into my head.

I'd be absolutely bloody furious too, does she have form?

Thank god you and dh were on it, unfortunately not much you can do about it now but that's the difference between her and people like you who do give a toss.

Silly woman.
Xx

janietreemore · 26/02/2026 17:49

Boxthree · 26/02/2026 17:44

It's a very odd state of affairs, but who decided that booking the venue, decorating and arranging all the food and the cake were equitable tasks, in terms of time or money?

Has she had the hump about that all along?

I don't know what you'd achive by confronting her.

Good point. The other tasks were much easier. Perhaps something else was going on.

Livpool · 26/02/2026 17:49

That would really piss off! They are rude and cheeky - shocking

rwalker · 26/02/2026 17:50

Whilst yes I’d be fuming
apart from a couple of minutes of satisfaction what will it achieve

tbh she probably said it taking the piss and if they were gullible enough to believe it she just let them

Sophiehoney · 26/02/2026 17:52

Twasasurprise · 26/02/2026 17:47

Is it just me thinking that the cake and catering was the biggest, most expensive job by far? I'm not sure who is the CF here, but not yet convinced it is the SIL (who maybe isn't even the child of the MIL).

Edit: I see maybe not just me, from the cross-post above.

Edited

SIL is the child of MIL.

The point is, she (very enthusiastically) agreed to it. She loves cooking, she loves making cakes, she put her name forward immediately and said she would do it.

She was offered help, more than once, and declined.

No, the three jobs aren't equal in terms of time and money but all three families have different amounts of both available to them. We took on the jobs we were able to do, it didn't need to be split equally as long as everyone was happy. Noone was forced, everyone volunteered their part.

What needed to be done was people sticking to their word.

OP posts:
titchy · 26/02/2026 17:52

Grin At ‘booking the venue and sending out the invites brilliantly’! I mean how hard is it to phone a venue and post some cards out! Your SIL may have been a CF but you gave her the most expensive, complex and time consuming task of all of you. Perhaps you’re the CF?

Pancakesbythedozen · 26/02/2026 17:54

I'd be asking her in the group chat for the 100 quid for the cake you sourced..

TattyG · 26/02/2026 17:58

I’d post a pic on facebook and tag everyone saying thanks for a great party. I’d also tag the bakery thanking them for saving the party with the last minute cake 😁

TheMorgenmuffel · 26/02/2026 17:58

Sophiehoney · 26/02/2026 17:28

It's already been brought up and it's not even been a week. SIL's teenage daughter keeps saying "mum said the bakery cake was hers and everyone believed her" as if pulling this off is something to be very proud of.

I'm a gigantic bitch so I'd have replied oh I really relieved to hear that. I wouldn't want everyone to know that your mum couldnt be bothered to make a cake for her own mother because they'd think very badly of her if they knew the truth.

If she says it again, maybe you might be tempted.

Boxthree · 26/02/2026 18:02

I think if you do anytjing publically you have to expect a response along the lines of appreciate it, but you did leave me to do all the catering and the cake.

Is it not likely she was joking? I've been known to answer yes, when asked if I made an obviously professionally made cake. Both sides knew it was all a joke.

IdRatherBeTalkingTudors · 26/02/2026 18:02

Cravey · 26/02/2026 17:49

Make a post on social media and tag her in it, whilst also tagging the bakery that made the cake. Might shut her up !

This is a great suggestion! 👍🏻

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 26/02/2026 18:03

TheMorgenmuffel · 26/02/2026 17:58

I'm a gigantic bitch so I'd have replied oh I really relieved to hear that. I wouldn't want everyone to know that your mum couldnt be bothered to make a cake for her own mother because they'd think very badly of her if they knew the truth.

If she says it again, maybe you might be tempted.

This is the kind of thing I always wish I could come up with in the moment but only think of it ten minutes later!

But I would definitely say this OP, preferably with a huge pass ag smile too.

Steeleydan · 26/02/2026 18:05

titchy · 26/02/2026 17:52

Grin At ‘booking the venue and sending out the invites brilliantly’! I mean how hard is it to phone a venue and post some cards out! Your SIL may have been a CF but you gave her the most expensive, complex and time consuming task of all of you. Perhaps you’re the CF?

Read the post!! CF SIL offered and wanted to do the food and cake, she was offered help with it and refused the help,she was adamant she wanted to do it . Clearly you havnt read this whole post!