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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To confront my SIL over my MIL's birthday cake?

196 replies

Sophiehoney · 26/02/2026 17:04

My MIL just had her 60th birthday at the weekend.

She has three kids all with spouses. We all agreed back in September that each couple would take on a different job to provide a nice birthday party for her. Bring in mind she does a hell of a lot for us in terms of babysitting all three sets of grandchildren and generally just being there over the years, it was universally agreed she deserves it.

BIL and wife were in charge of booking the venue and sending out invites. They did this brilliantly.

We (DH and I) were in charge of buying decorations and decorating the venue. We did this, at quite a cost as there were lots of personalised decorations, photo board etc, plus things we made ourselves, and it took a whole day to set up.

SIL and husband were in charge of providing the buffet and birthday cake.

All roles agreed on five months ago.

SIL asked back at the beginning of January if she was still OK doing the catering including cake. She said "yes, of course" Two weeks before the party we asked SIL how she was getting on with the food and if she needed any help and she said "yeah, I can do it if you want, when is the party again?" She was reminded and asked if she needed any help. She said no and asked for people's opinions on what flavour cake MIL would like because she was making the cake herself.

2 days before the party, SIL gets on the WhatsApp group and asks if people can come round and help her make buffet food the next day as she wouldn't be able to manage it in addition to making a cake. We said yes, we'd come after work in the evening and help her finish off.

Got there about 6pm and everything is sitting in shopping bags not even started. She hadn't been working that day and her kids had been at school. Her husband has been home since 4pm and has also done nothing. We worked until almost 10pm helping her make sandwiches, sausage rolls, chicken skewers, salads, fancy olive stick things, pasties, a cheeseboard, desserts etc etc loads of food, and then she announces she won't have time to make a cake now. I'm like.... You haven't made the cake?! And she just shrugs and says she'll have to get one tomorrow (the day of the party)

Morning of party she WhatsApps and asks if anyone happens to be going to a supermarket and can pick up a birthday cake. DH tells her I have bought a really fancy topper that goes with the beautiful, tall fancy birthday cake with fresh flowers she was planning on making, similar to one she made for her daughter, so she is able to make it, and that she showed to us all last year, and that it wouldn't work with a supermarket cake and she just said "well, I won't have time now"

So I rang around some bakeries and by some miracle found one that could provide me with a very nice cake that looks looked like someone had put some effort in, but which was a 40 minute round trip and would cost us over £100.

DH and I spend several hours decorating the venue and then get ready for the party, go get the cake and get there just in time to bring to the party.

The party goes well. All night people are complimenting SIL on the food, she takes all credit for it, and then someone asks her if she made the cake, and SHE SAYS YES, and then this person keeps telling everyone how impressed she is with SIL's baking all night and for the next couple of days while SIL and her family do nothing to correct them.

AIBU to think SIL is being a cheeky bitch and want to tell her so?

DH says to leave it, I didn't make the cake so it's not like it's my credit she's claiming, he was happy to do it all for his mum, and she didn't ask us to get a bakery cake, we could have just got a Tesco one.

But I'm just seething over how little effort she puts in when it's her that asks MIL for the most and then has the audacity to lie about it.

OP posts:
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 28/02/2026 19:18

Delphiniumandlupins · 26/02/2026 18:09

Is she often bad at time management? She had obviously spent some time shopping but misjudged how long preparing all the food would take (given you and DH were there helping for 4 hours). Shame you didn't leave the bakery box visible but hope MiL enjoyed her party.

Watch out, someone will be along to 'diagnose' SIL momentarily...

LubyLooTwo · 28/02/2026 19:26

She sounds like a useless, lazy , entitled flake with a lazy husband. I would take her task on this.

esem · 28/02/2026 22:51

I think we all know someone like this - water off a ducks back, thick hide etc
Its not acceptable and someone needs to put her straight about how polite society works -

Creesla · 01/03/2026 08:22

The replies here are nuts. A lazy adult pretended to make a cake. Lots of people know she pretended to make the cake.

ANY attempt to pick a fight over such an unimportant thing would only upset people, especially your mother in law.

You are upset about your invisible labour, and her pretence. Be gracious, accept she frustrates you, remind yourself that you have different values/outlook to her and move on. Honestly this is not the kind of thing you will care about in a few weeks time..

Mossey55 · 01/03/2026 08:48

What is a CF

LeftieRightsHoarder · 01/03/2026 08:59

Well done, OP! to you and your DH. You saved the day and gave your MIL the wonderful celebration she deserved. I would make damn sure everyone knows it was you who did all the work, though.

DH and I used to spend a fortune, and loads of time and effort, on his mum, including big birthday parties that she loved. His lazy siblings did nothing except cadge money from her. I kept quiet, and as you can tell it still irritates me when I think of it!

LeftieRightsHoarder · 01/03/2026 09:00

Mossey55 · 01/03/2026 08:48

What is a CF

A cheeky fucker

Summergirl92 · 01/03/2026 09:55

I would have exposed her and said that we had to make a detour and spend 3 figures to buy a cake last minute since SIL refused to make one. I would also have said that we all had to come and help her prepare the food yesterday evening as nothing had been prepared before we got there.

Rubyred1011 · 01/03/2026 10:09

Sophiehoney · 26/02/2026 17:04

My MIL just had her 60th birthday at the weekend.

She has three kids all with spouses. We all agreed back in September that each couple would take on a different job to provide a nice birthday party for her. Bring in mind she does a hell of a lot for us in terms of babysitting all three sets of grandchildren and generally just being there over the years, it was universally agreed she deserves it.

BIL and wife were in charge of booking the venue and sending out invites. They did this brilliantly.

We (DH and I) were in charge of buying decorations and decorating the venue. We did this, at quite a cost as there were lots of personalised decorations, photo board etc, plus things we made ourselves, and it took a whole day to set up.

SIL and husband were in charge of providing the buffet and birthday cake.

All roles agreed on five months ago.

SIL asked back at the beginning of January if she was still OK doing the catering including cake. She said "yes, of course" Two weeks before the party we asked SIL how she was getting on with the food and if she needed any help and she said "yeah, I can do it if you want, when is the party again?" She was reminded and asked if she needed any help. She said no and asked for people's opinions on what flavour cake MIL would like because she was making the cake herself.

2 days before the party, SIL gets on the WhatsApp group and asks if people can come round and help her make buffet food the next day as she wouldn't be able to manage it in addition to making a cake. We said yes, we'd come after work in the evening and help her finish off.

Got there about 6pm and everything is sitting in shopping bags not even started. She hadn't been working that day and her kids had been at school. Her husband has been home since 4pm and has also done nothing. We worked until almost 10pm helping her make sandwiches, sausage rolls, chicken skewers, salads, fancy olive stick things, pasties, a cheeseboard, desserts etc etc loads of food, and then she announces she won't have time to make a cake now. I'm like.... You haven't made the cake?! And she just shrugs and says she'll have to get one tomorrow (the day of the party)

Morning of party she WhatsApps and asks if anyone happens to be going to a supermarket and can pick up a birthday cake. DH tells her I have bought a really fancy topper that goes with the beautiful, tall fancy birthday cake with fresh flowers she was planning on making, similar to one she made for her daughter, so she is able to make it, and that she showed to us all last year, and that it wouldn't work with a supermarket cake and she just said "well, I won't have time now"

So I rang around some bakeries and by some miracle found one that could provide me with a very nice cake that looks looked like someone had put some effort in, but which was a 40 minute round trip and would cost us over £100.

DH and I spend several hours decorating the venue and then get ready for the party, go get the cake and get there just in time to bring to the party.

The party goes well. All night people are complimenting SIL on the food, she takes all credit for it, and then someone asks her if she made the cake, and SHE SAYS YES, and then this person keeps telling everyone how impressed she is with SIL's baking all night and for the next couple of days while SIL and her family do nothing to correct them.

AIBU to think SIL is being a cheeky bitch and want to tell her so?

DH says to leave it, I didn't make the cake so it's not like it's my credit she's claiming, he was happy to do it all for his mum, and she didn't ask us to get a bakery cake, we could have just got a Tesco one.

But I'm just seething over how little effort she puts in when it's her that asks MIL for the most and then has the audacity to lie about it.

…..😱🎂She didn’t make her Daughters cake either

Speckly · 01/03/2026 10:50

Cravey · 26/02/2026 17:49

Make a post on social media and tag her in it, whilst also tagging the bakery that made the cake. Might shut her up !

This ⬆️🤣
Cheeky mare deserves it.

Katie0909 · 01/03/2026 11:06

Whilst I would want to publicly point out to people that I had bought the cake in your position, I agree with you that the most important thing is that your MIL had a great time and still talks fondly of the party. In the future, if your SIL suggests doing something, you could point out that she didn't follow through last time so you can't trust her. It might be better to get everyone to pay into a kitty and then pay for everything out of it, including a nice cake. It's lovely that you are so fond of your MIL so just keep thinking of her feelings.

MissH00z · 01/03/2026 11:06

Sophiehoney · 26/02/2026 17:52

SIL is the child of MIL.

The point is, she (very enthusiastically) agreed to it. She loves cooking, she loves making cakes, she put her name forward immediately and said she would do it.

She was offered help, more than once, and declined.

No, the three jobs aren't equal in terms of time and money but all three families have different amounts of both available to them. We took on the jobs we were able to do, it didn't need to be split equally as long as everyone was happy. Noone was forced, everyone volunteered their part.

What needed to be done was people sticking to their word.

If she's her daughter then you won't win this one, even if she's been a lazy get, that's her daughter. You'll be seen as being bitter. I like the idea of tagging the actual baker in a FB or insta post without having to explicitly drop the SIL in it.

rwalker · 01/03/2026 11:37

Honestly I doubt people are that invested there might be the odd one but it’ll be just something to say for the sake of it to make conversation no one’s really interested in who made the cake
the only thing that would prick anyone’s interest is if you start slagging her off for it or posting things on SM tbh I would think that would reflect more negatively on u than her

esem · 01/03/2026 12:11

Isnt this about being a reliable person and keeping your word especially to family

Okiedokie123 · 01/03/2026 16:31

Flowerlovinglady · 26/02/2026 19:04

Doing the catering is a lot bigger more stressful job than sending out invites or decorating the venue! Just saying. She should have flagged up before it became a crisis.

For some people yes, not me. I’d find doing the catering and cake making far easier! It’s what I would volunteer to do.

Oldwmn · 01/03/2026 18:31

Boxthree · 26/02/2026 17:44

It's a very odd state of affairs, but who decided that booking the venue, decorating and arranging all the food and the cake were equitable tasks, in terms of time or money?

Has she had the hump about that all along?

I don't know what you'd achive by confronting her.

If she couldn't do it, she ought to have said so.

HiEarthlings · 02/03/2026 00:25

FakeTwix · 27/02/2026 02:08

But if you read the list of food they helped prep and that sil had done all that shopping already....

I think the expectations and agreed roles were v unfair in the first place.

How to tell us you haven't read the OP's posts, without telling us.... 🤦🏼‍♂️

Gossipisgood · 02/03/2026 13:02

Put photos of the party all over your families SM & thank everyone for their joint efforts & tag the bakery in thanking them for the delicious cake that they made at short notice. don't include your SIL in the tags as she hasn't done anything to help. It's very petty but lets others know the real story & who was behind the great Party for MIL.

Tanjamaltija · 03/03/2026 13:05

I'd have said "Really?" and then suggested to all those present that they might get a similar cake if they placed their orders by the end of the party.

WarflowerwithSehnsucht · 11/03/2026 15:16

It is possible your sil is having a skeleton in the cupboard she is not able to communicate with someone : Maybe you might pop the prompt on why she did what she did :
Meanwhile warm wishes from another mum in the distance of the universe

ItsNotMeEither · 11/03/2026 16:10

Put up some photos of the party and the cake on your own social media. Add a caption about the great party, HBD MIL etc.

Then put, Edited to Add:For all those asking about the lovely cake, it came from XXXX Bakery in insert suburb, they truly did a wonderful job.

Enough people will see it 😎

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