To end things over a diet?

[BitOfFun2026]

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

He sounds very fixated on his diet and on other people's diet to the point it sounds restrictive and really boring

I suspect he will be a diet bore and eating out will turn into a pain in the bum. I couldn’t be bothered myself.

is the sex worth the sanctimonious comments?

Won't be long before he's commenting on your eating habits, then it's a slippery controlling slope.

Jeez I couldn’t even spend 5 mins with a misogynist bore like that. YANBU.

You can end it for any reason you like. I don't think he's unreasonable to want to stick to his diet but equally I'd find all the detail a bit of a turn off- who needs to know all that?

If otherwise you really like him, I'd suggest a different sort of date. If not, just politely end things- no need to give the reason.

I watch my diet carefully and exercise but this is bordering into obsession in my opinion. It sounds like he’s super restrictive about his diet.

I’d just call it off and say you’re not compatible. Both my husband & I are into our fitness but its not our whole lives, we have friends who are as strict as he sounds and every calorie tracked, every off plan meal requires huge deliberation and careful calculation, it works for some but I just couldn’t be with someone that intense with it personally.

Well not being interested in a woman purely because she is a size 16 would put me off for a start. No doubt if you dare to put on any weight he will be looking elsewhere.

And there is trying to eat healthily and there is being fixated by diet. One is acceptable, one is totally boring imo. And for me he would fal into the second category. He doesnt sound much fun at all OP.

Jesus, life’s short, I’d move on from this one OP.

This does not it sound like it will go well. Just fyi though it is not physically possible for your metabolism to “come to a stop”. They would mean you were dead which I assume you’re not. He also sounds poorly educated if he thinks he’s put on a kilo after two big meals. Unless those two big meals equated to approx 7000 calories.

Ive been with a man who watched what he ate in a similar way , it became very tedious very quickly . I’d avoid

It's not a dealbreaker for me personally because I quite enjoy dates which don't involve eating or drinking anyway. Having gone through bulk/cut cycles myself, I see where he is coming from. In the short term cut cycle, it's ok. If he is always this rigid, it probably won't be.
But if it affects your plans, then go ahead and stop seeing him.

He probably thinks you are on similar wavelengths being the size you are. A lot of women couldn’t begin to maintain a size 8 and bmi of 22 without being strict about diet.

Sounds really dull and could venture into the realm of obsession if he's not careful.

If you're just looking for somebody to have dates with then it would be tricky I think with this person because a lot of dates revolve around drinking and eating.

I would perhaps just tell him that you don't see this going anywhere and call a halt before you get deeper in.

We are allowed to watch what we eat and be pinikety about it.

Men arent.

Double standard i know, but is what it is.

I went on a couple of dates years ago with a really attractive, fit, muscular guy and didn’t want a date 3 when he announced he “doesn’t do carbs”. Bore off. Nothing wrong with keeping yourself healthy but I just found him boring, judgemental and joyless about food. You’re completely right, dating should be fun and some of that usually involves nice food and drinks and not worrying about putting on a fraction of a kilo or whatever!!

He’s serious about his goals and is dedicated. How can that be a negative thing. Not being attracted to someone based on size is perfectly acceptable. I’m not physically attracted to overweight or underweight men. Should I ignore my preferences to accommodate someone’s feelings? Absolutely not. If you didn’t eat takeaways you’d lose the weight you don’t want to be carrying.

You can choose to not continue a relationship for ANY reason that doesnt align with your views, values, life.

It doesnt matter if someone else doesnt agree; only you can decide if you think their behavior is breaching. From your post I wouldnt continue a relationship with him; commenting on others bodies, however he intends it, it isnt acceptable and you'll either soften your boundaries and hold onto contempt or you'll end up saying something and causing friction. He just isnt aligned with you or your approach at this time.

I don’t think that’s a fair comment, that the guy OP is seeing wasn’t interested in a lady because she is a size 16 .
Everyone has preferences.
That wouldn’t put me off of him .
I wouldn’t date someone shorter than me , sorry if that sounds shallow but that’s just how I am .

I don’t think being dedicated to your goals is a bad thing, but someone on a very rigid diet is never going to get along seamlessly with someone who isn’t for exactly the reasons OP has said. They want to go on dates out for dinner etc, not unreasonable, lots of people have occasional takeaways, snacks etc. There will always be conflict or guilt here on both sides, hers because she feels bad for not being as strict as he is, his if he does have off plan meals and then feels he is losing progress.

Neither person here is unreasonable or wrong, they are just not compatible with each other.

He could easily manage this in a different way - he could say; "why don't I cook for both of us at your house?" and then cook something healthy and delicious. His lack of inclination to be flexible or make compromises would put me off big time.

Well yes he has his preferences as to who he finds attractive. Most people do.

But sharing the fact with OP that he finds what he considers as larger ladies as unattractive was totally unnecessary. There was absolutely no good reason to share that information with OP. And it certainly comes over as a warning to her that he won't tolerate her putting on weight. And that is extremely shallow of him.

It’s fine if you’re into that, but doesn’t sound like OP is and so probably isn’t the relationship for her. I could never be with someone like that, yes I’m a little heavier then I’d like to be but I would hate to not be able to go out to dinner or have a takeaway occasionally.

It's completely reasonable for him not to be attracted to someone because they are size 16 but it's really weird and off-putting for him to have told the OP this. Like he's warning her or something, he sounds boorish.