To end things over a diet?

[BitOfFun2026]

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

I've been on strict diets and counted calories. I've never felt the need to share details about it though, I ate smaller portions if I ate out and I suggested activities that didn't involve eating. I'd be wary of why he is detailing this to you and telling you that he wouldn't want to date a size 16. Dating preferences are absolutely fine, but why would he be sharing this on a date?
I have 2 friends who have been in abusive relationships, both were very slim but the men they were with often pointed out their distaste for larger women. One of them tried really hard to stay thin, even during pregnancy and post birth. I wonder if what you are hearing is the start of controlling behaviour.

Thanks everyone. I will add that I am fairly strict with what I eat for most of the time, but I don't take it to the extreme. I'm not really a snacker at all but do treat myself to the occasional takeaway, and to me I think eating and drinking is a big part of dating, although I am trying to cut down on alcohol.

I will add as well that he was already unsure about coming on a Saturday night because that's when he does his big leg workout and wasn't sure when else he might fit it in - he gets grumpy if he doesn't do it apparently...

I mean I'm autistic and rigid as hell around my routine sometimes but wow...

Oh and whoever asked about the sex, yeah it's pretty good and he's nothing but complimentary about me and my body, but I wouldn't miss him if it was a choice between never having dinner together or the sex.

You just sound incompatible, neither is right or wrong.

All that over 1kg? I would sack him off.

What a bore

Well grumpy over 'big legs' is the nail in the coffin frankly... 😂

He's absolutely within his rights to feel this way. Diet and weight is very important to him and that his business.

You dont feel the same and thats 100% ok as well, best to end it now as it will only cause huge issues.

He’s not sure if he can meet up Saturday night as he has to do his leg work out !!!
Who actually says that 🙄
That would be me gone 💯 if he was the guy I was dating .

I do sort of understand where he's coming from here. An occasional meal that breaks the diet rules is probably fine, but he doesn't want two in the same week. I think I would feel the same, to be honest. I don't eat UPF or very sweet, carby foods and I don't eat much meat - but as a one-off, I would eat it just to be polite or not to be a party pooper. But I wouldn't want to repeat the experience only a few days later.

I would suggest that over the next few weeks you find out what sort of foods are compatible with his diet and become familiar with them. Then if another opportunity arises for you to cook for both of you, you could suggest something that you know is acceptable to his current regime.

He's got orthorexia and as a size 8 who feels 'too curvy' you should avoid him as its very contagious.

Be careful . He may start policing what you eat as well as himself.
That would be a big no from me

Tedious and no fun...not a way to begin

Where’s the misogyny?

Not being attracted to someone because of their physical attributes is literally how attraction works. I don’t like men with beards, it’s not misandry to say I don’t date bearded men.

And this guy is clearly obsessed with his weight and fitness. He’s highly unlikely to be compatible with someone who isn’t at least interested in restrictive diets and fitness (the same reason he’s not turning out to be compatible with OP). Now while some people at size 16 are obsessive about diet and weight and fitness, I imagine most aren’t - so it seems like a totally unreasonable stance that he doesn't date someone who’s a size 16, and that has absolutely no reflection on the worth of the person he was talking about. The same way I wouldn’t date a devout Christian or vegan - our lifestyles just wouldn’t gel.

I agree he sounds like a bore though 😂

You are entitled to end things for any reason you want. For what it’s worth I personally would throw this one back, he sounds preachy and living around such strict regimes around food and exercise I would find very tiresome

I think that's it. Fine for him to have his preferences, but informing OP like it's a public service announcement - or a warning - would put me off. And even if you see it as him just being honest, whatever, that's still a reason to call it off if you're not totally happy with the idea that he's already thinking you'd better not get bigger. I'm not planning to get three dress sizes bigger and I hope I don't, but I wouldn't be happy dating a man who's essentially warning me I better not.

I don't think he sounds like a misogynist, just an absolute bore with all that food rigidity on top of everything else. There may well be a match for him but it isn't me and doesn't sound like it's you, either.

Agonising about going on a date or doing a leg workout??

Blimey that is …… very particular. Not sure I could deal with that for more than about 5 mins tbh.

If I didnt want a FWB situation yet the man I was dating suggested coming to visit me overnight but cutting out the meal part as he would eat before, I would conclude that i was probably in a FWB situation.

He’s already in a full time relationship with his own body OP, throw him back.

He doesn't need to broadcast it to another woman he's seeing though – that's distasteful and unnecessary, full stop. Guy has no decorum and that alone is super unattractive.

You're not breaking it off over a diet. You'd be breaking it off because your attitudes to diet and lifestyle don't match and its clearly such an important part of his life that he's unable to keep it in a box and not let it overspill into his every day life. I'm health conscious. I don't drink and I eat vegan wholefoods. I've chosen that, and if I want relationships with people who live differently, it's up to me not to let that be a barrier. Which means quietly getting on with what I'm doing and not banging on about it.

He sounds fun.🙄

Reminds me of a guy who was very into fitness and told me that when he was feeling wild and wanted to eat something "naughty", he'd have a low fat lemon yoghurt.

I think it is the most unsexy thing I have ever heard.

It a red flag and a turn off for me. That sort of restrictive dieting is not a good place for my mental health to be at so I wouldn't be inviting it into my life. My teen sons are more focussed on the amount of weight they can lift than the amount of weight they weigh and that's because the stronger they are, the more effective they are at their chosen team sport.

Talking about eating less as "being good" is nutritionally questionable. One weekend shouldn't be enough to "set you back" and one meal out to a Thai restaurant where if he really wanted to he could drink water and eat protein & greens isn't enough to set him back either. "it's mostly water but still" - have a piss and bore off.

If it's early in a relationship it should be fun and you were completely reasonable to suggest a meal out or takeaway. What's his alternative?! He'll cook his own dinner then just pop over for a shag? Or to watch you eat your takeaway? No thanks. He could've made a suggestion for an alternative activity if he wants to be super strict with his diet or arranged a day time hike or walk or paddle boarding or anything that doesn't involve food.

It sounds like his body is his hobby.

Women are increasingly looking to avoid men who are fussy about food, although that includes men who don’t eat fruit and vegetables. I do like a relatively healthy diet myself. I like to cook. However I wouldn’t be interested in a man who was only interested in food that teens tend to like, or only a trad English style diet. It’s a bit childish and boring. That said, weight obsessives are also a bore.

Bin him. Life is too short not to enjoy food.

He'll cook his own dinner then just pop over for a shag?

Provided he deems her tummy sufficiently un-bloated as to be shaggable after stuffing herself with an actual meal ...