To end things over a diet?

[BitOfFun2026]

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

The Op is really struggling. Be gentle

Oh I didn’t realise , I feel bad now .
I’m sorry to hear that .
Hope she will be ok.

And this, OP, is why most of us namechange so often now. These GOTCHAS by AS sleuth legends are so tedious, and they stymie discussion, especially when people heavily embroider and reimagine what they think you said.

@Missj25 I didn't 'get your post taken down' - perhaps someone else reported it for blatant troll hunting? Which I'm not by the way, I mean apart from there's a literal photo of me on this thread if I was going to make something up it would be that I shagged the full Arsenal football team this weekend, not that I was thinking about cutting things off with a diet obsessed man.

@Frangardens I'm not looking for a relationship, that's not what this is. I actually think he would have been good for me in that respect as he's not a big drinker and I would therefore moderate my drinking around him, or not drink at all

Much love to you OP... It's all too easy to get into a slump with your physical and mental health, that can lead to a spiral with all sorts of destructive behaviours. I hope you got some good advice on your post about drinking too much. I find that if I introduce good habits somewhere else in my life, it is easier to quit the bad ones, so taking up pilates and doing regular cardio has helped me cut down on booze. But that's just me. Good luck to you.

I have directly quoted
and clearly very relevant indeed
no “gotcha” at all

@Frangardens IT'S NOT RELEVANT. Also it's not you that is making things up

I've read your other thread - I'm not going to link to it though. I think gently - the person you need to work on right now is you. I have had a hugely stressful few years - that's an understatement and it's all to easy to treat your body like a dustbin when you are going through stressful life stuff.

(Been there, done that). I don't know how you are going to tackle how you cut down drinking - what's going to work best for you, but it is easy to reach for something when you are going through stress. For me it's food - I have put on a lot of weight since I broke my leg almost two years ago and I wasn't slim when I broke it. My light bulb moment more or less was seeing photos of me a couple of weeks ago - I had to have my photo taken for something , I didn't want to

It's also hard when you live alone as there's no one there to see what you are doing

This guy might have helped you maintain healthier habits - but you're more than capable of doing that on your own -, and if you really feel you can't, that's where you ask for support

I hope you take this post on board. Be kind to yourself, and forget about this man or indeed any man for the time being.

I would worry he may have a restrictive eating disorder by the obsessive thoughts - 2 kg shouldn’t be a big deal everyone goes up and down on the scales. If he suffers with an eating disorder he may well be in his own world obsessing, and not have time for any other thoughts. He may not, but it does sound a little suspect. I would ask why he seems slightly obsessed. I have a close loved one with anorexia and it’s brutal when the eating disorder voice takes over their every thought. The comment about the size 16 lady sounds a little bit like he’s only into himself. I would say the distance doesn’t work for you if you don’t want to bring it up. Most social activities have some kind of food involved. No popcorn at the cinema, or a nice coffee, or anything really. 🤔

This is a no brainer and I despair when I hear things like 'what should I say?! 😠
You have absolutely no need to go into any massive detail as to why you don't want to continue with the relationship as you are perfectly within your rights to do as you please, see who you want when you want and in reality you owe him nothing!
There is no reason however not to be kind and polite so you should simply say that although you have enjoyed being with him you have realised that you're just not on the same wavelength about certain things and that you feel these things might come between you in the future so it's better for both of you to end things now but that you wish him well and maybe thanks for the good times?!
We women generally need to be more decisive and less apologetic!! 🙄

We've carried on chatting and up to now I've been suitably vague about meeting up again... however he keeps sending me memes that say things like 'When my family and friends keep trying to convince me to eat normal and enjoy life and I'm trying to get ripped...' with embarrassed monkey/hiding behind hands emojis.

I've told him it's not as funny as he thinks it is, and he's literally just replied and asked me if I want him to choose a restaurant for next time we meet up! well for a start I haven't committed to that, second we haven't agreed on a place!

Don't be vague, just tell him straight out that having met up, you don't think you're suited to each other and you don't want to meet up again. It sounds like he'll give you a hard time if you tell him why so you don't have to say "because you're a boring, diet-obsessed, rape-joking knob" if you don't want to.

Personally, I couldn’t stand being around someone who is so obsessed and self absorbed about their physique/health.
Yes, look after yourself, but he takes it to another extreme.

I think you could do so much better.
Btw, you’ve got a figure to die for!!

@NotnowMildrid thank you! I definitely won't look like that for much longer though unless I get a grip of myself! Not to the extreme he's at though...

I think up to now I've never really found what I've been looking for in terms of a relationship - literally maybe a date once a week, some closeness and physicality but absolutely nothing serious or a FWB. He seemed to want the same, but I don't think I can overlook his issues around food... he's now decided he wants to start up a diet and fitness Instagram page! I haven't got the heart to tell him he's delusional and there are far more qualified and more healthy people already doing that...

Why is it delusional. Lots of people who are into fitness have an insta page

@scottishgirl69 because he's not as fit or as good at cooking as he thinks he is....

To be fair he probably doesn't need to be good at cooking to put diet tips on an insta page - giving a bit of basic nutritional advice would probably be sufficient. Lots of PTs have a social media presence assuming he is one himself - it's quite common

If you really don't want to see him again just tell him and cut the contact - if that's what you really want to do

@scottishgirl69 he's not a PT though, he has the qualifications but doesn't use them. Plus he's actually doing videos of himself cooking, not just diet tips...