To end things over a diet?

[BitOfFun2026]

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

🎯

I'm very into health and fitness, but dont track anything (other than eyeballing meals to make sure I approximately hit my protein targets). And a Friday night curry and a few glasses of wine, and a slice of good quality cake here and there are very easy to incorporate into my life without gaining any obvious weight. I would be wary of dating anyone this militant. As well as being boring, he's likely to be very obsessive about you remaining a size 8 for life, whereas my DH doesn't give a shit if I'm a size 6 or size 16, as long as I'm willing to go for a few drinks with him at the weekend!

I'm going to be laughing at that all day.

🎶 Bend me over backwards on me Hostess trolley!

Personally I'd chuck this one back and move on. I dated a guy into diet and fitness many moons ago and it started with this sort of thing. Comments about him being soooo healthy, then saying how he doesn't find 'larger' women attractive (good for you, but why do I need to know that?), then commenting on what I eat. "Are you really going to order a whole burger...with the bun as well?!", that sort of thing. It escalated into me basically not being able to eat around him unless he'd approved it. Final straw was him commenting on how 'disgustingly fat' a pregnant woman looked and "how could anybody do that to themselves". Yeah, in the bin mate!

So it's ok for you to be rigid as hell around your routine because you are autistic but not him? Dating doesn't need to revolve around food and alcohol - there are people who probably can't afford to eat out or go for drinks when they date

It just sounds that your dating ideas are different and there's nothing wrong with that

BTW - I'm not sure Thai food is particularly light on calories. You obviously like him or liked him at one point as he's your ex and you wanted to reconnect. I think some of the replies are harsh and I also think you are potentially projecting the insecurity you feel about gaining weight as well - even though you are a healthy weight

I wouldn't advise anyone to get involved with a diet bore (which is, basically, anyone who talks about his/her diet, weight, food intake, weight loss goals without being asked).

Only you know whether he's your type, but I couldn't be doing with someone who was so fixated on their outwards appearance, recording every fraction of a kilo up or down, daily steps taken, minutes spent asleep and so on. Too boring!

You can end it for any reason you like - just text him and tell him its done if that's what you want to do

Love VW!

He sounds boring

Sorry but he sounds like a self obsessed diet and fitness bore.

And he’s not that into you if he considers turning down the chance of sex to do leg work

Some people do this for valid reasons - I did when I was very overweight and when I needed to lose a lot of weight. I put weight on easily - it's not always to do with being vain or being a bore

Tracking your steps and calories and macros is sensible and it's the first thing someone will tell you if you want to lose weight - because lots of people under estimate what they eat and drink

I'll admit I definitely thought "oh, this date is inconvenient as it clashes with my workout". I wouldn't say it necessarily but would steer the conversation towards a more suitable time/day. I have a choreography class on Friday nights and people I date are made aware very quickly that I am not cancelling this under any circumstances unless they plan to whisk me away on a trip of a lifetime.
I'm sure you may have similar commitments you'd be reluctant to cancel which seem very important to you but someone else might find objectionable.

If it was just a FWB situation and the sex was good I’d probably just put up with it and go off into a day dream when he started talking about it. But if you’re wanting a bit more than that I’d be seriously turned-off, not so much because he’s fixated on his diet - it’s quite common to get obsessive when you’re dieting. When I’ve been losing weight and building muscle in the past I’ve become a bit obsessed with it but I have the self-awareness to know how boring it is for other people to listen to. I talked to my PT about it instead, she was paid to listen so I didn’t feel that bad! I’d never go on about it to someone I was dating. It’d be the fact he lacks self-awareness that would put me off him. It also suggests he’s pretty boring in other areas too

And he’s found time to fit in his intense leg workout first

It sounds like he has disordered eating.

But, yes, you are within your rights not to continue things with anyone for any reason.

When people say they want to get their leg over, this isn't usually what they mean.

The fact that he lives 90 miles away is more of an issue than his diet in my view. If you aren't looking for anything serious then surely you could find someone who you could have a casual relationship with that lives nearer you?

Mans got really issues. Who sends messages like that. I’d sack him off.

I would rather be single forever than in a relationship someone with disordered eating who genuinely thinks they are being 'good' by obsessing over a weight gain of 1.1kg. I am not up for having my life ruled by someone else's weight obsession.

I wouldn’t carry on with this. He’s more interested in his body weight than having a good connection with a partner. There would always be three of you in the relationship.

Oh Christ, what a bore!! Does he think telling you the exact weight and dates is interesting??
Self obsessed. Definitely throw this one back in.

Yes Catza, but you have a class that’s on on a Friday night , that’s different, & as you said you say this from the onset , Friday nights are out for you because you have something on that night .

He could get up one hour earlier to do a leg workout to be fair 🤷🏻‍♀️.
That’s like being asked out & saying “ sorry I can’t I must go to the gym “ it’s lame .

@ThatCyanCat 😂

So he wants to be Spartan and non food eating in your presence? And you are the weak one for suggesting a convivial dinner.

Even if he's on a diet he still has to eat. No one is asking him to eat his way through the menu.

I think he's could be saying he doesn't want to waste time wining and dining as that involves conversation and hints at a relationship, but would like to move straight into the sex please. But you told him you expressly didn't want a FWB situation. But that it seems is exactly what he's now offering.. and he thinks you can't complain because - diet.

He could have suggested any other kind of active date that doesn't revolve around food, depending on your area. Even bowling or a gig, or club or something,

Also.. Nothing more boring than competitive diet puritans, or people telling you how many weights they've lifted that day.

What a bore. BIN.