To end things over a diet?

[BitOfFun2026]

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

Why is he misogynistic?

Commenting how he wouldn't want to date a woman based on her size, for starters.

Yes people have preferences blah blah but what man brings that up on a date with a woman?? A man who wants to give that woman a warning, presumably.

OP I just don't think his lifestyle is compatible with what you're looking for- what are the rest of your dates going to look like if you can never go out for dinner or he's giving you a blow by blow run down of how many kgs he's gained after. Fine that he watches what he eats that's his choice, but like someone else said all that detail would turn me right off.

You’ve told him you don’t want anything serious and you don’t want Fwb but then go on to describe what you want which is fwb?
He was rude to tell you about the other woman and her size although he’s not rude for not being attracted to someone that size, we all have our preferences.
His reply to your message was perfectly polite and he came up with a solution. There’s nothing wrong with him wanting to stick to his diet and nothing wrong with you wanting a take away. He’s already said he’ll eat beforehand so why can’t you eat before he arrives and then watch a film or whatever you plan to do? Obviously if you think it’s going to be hard work your entitled to end it

Being serious about his goals is fine, basically lecturing is not in my opinion.
By all means he could say 'sorry I'll eat before hand and I'm trying to stick to my diet'. But explaining how much he put on and why and what that means in response to a simple would you like a takeaway message is OTT.
I think it will become tiresome after a few months of the constant talk about his weight and diet.

How was he not flexible? He said he’d eat before he went to OPs

He sounds like a bore

I wouldn’t want any kind of relationship- casual or not - with someone so self obsessed. What an ick.

What a total bore.

Yes they are. My brother is a personal trainer and his diet is pretty healthy - he does have treats too though. Why aren't men allowed to watch what they eat - plenty of them do

What a boring man, self-obsessed too. Not for me thanks!

What OP has described is not FWB.

Because he was staying at her house so it would be normal to assume you would eat dinner together. He wasn't flexible enough to find a dinner plan that suited him and also the OP. The OP doesn't have a rigid plan for dinner, by the sound if it; she suggested some options, which he could have added to, in order to find a good solution.

Sounds selfish, boring and a bit obsessive. No one needs that in their life, never mind skirting round other rabbit holes like potential controlling or narc traits - do yourself a favour and free yourself from this noise

Yes , everyone has preferences, I also am not attracted to a man that is too thin or overweight.
However , I have to agree with you completely, there was no need to share this information with OP , as though saying to her you need to watch what you eat , wouldn’t want you putting on weight !

I don't think I could stand to be be with somebody like that. He is obsessing over putting on a kilogram. Even if I was obsessing privately about putting on a kilogram, I would be keeping my trap firmly shut about it to any potential new partner. It all does sound rather joyless - I have visions of him tucking into a bowl of kale salad (ugh)!

I think this is why diets are so hard to stick to and stop weight returning.So much of our lives revolve around food, and meals eating in or out.Its up to you really but I would think hard about a life together .

I personally get why you are annoyed but he's explained that the meal at the weekend set him back a bit. I also don't see why dates need to revolve around eating and drinking. There's nothing to stop you eating before he comes over

They aren't planning a life together - it's a fairly casual relationship

Him not being attracted to a particular woman doesn’t make him a woman hater. Him mentioning it to OP also does not make him a woman hater.
He sounds obsessed and a crushing bore.

The message he sent you is tedious in the extreme when you strip back the veneer of politeness.

If it bothers you now, it will really bother you in several months.

I'm dating someone who loves the fact that I have a healthy appetite - something bolstered by heavy training. Food is a source of enjoyment for us, as it should be for you. I don't think continuing with this guy is a good idea. It shouldn't be this hard this soon. And people who are so self-focused about aesthetics, weight, etc., will turn that focus onto you and your eating habits, as his message and topics of conversation demonstrate.

You are on a diet too, you only have 80 Kg to lose…

Your BMI and clothing size don’t seem relevant or necessary.

His preference to avoid calorific foods and drink, impacting on dates, seems a compatibility issue.

His oversharing about his weight and diet concerns would annoy many, even if not accompanied by negative comments about women he deems too large and/or your habits.

She said she has a takeaway once a month (payday)!

OP listen to how you feel. It would put me off, but would be fine for somebody else. I'd feel we were incompatible.

"Him not being attracted to a particular woman doesn’t make him a woman hater."- I agree, and never said this was the case.

"Him mentioning it to OP also does not make him a woman hater."- what other possible reason could there be for mentioning it? I personally don't give a shit what a random man finds attractive on a woman. Unless OP asked him directly what dress sizes he finds attractive, there was no need at all to mention it.

It's not that much his diet the issue, but the big deal he makes out of it, and the way he's implying that his "weight gain" is your fault.

He's being absolutely ridiculous over 1kg, and (I assume!) no one forced food down his throat. He could have made healthy choices if he wanted to.

He could have simply suggested cooking a healthy dinner at yours together, sending over some recipes etc.

I'd dump him because he's being a twat.