To end things over a diet?

[BitOfFun2026]

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

Oh maybe you’re tall

She's not. The man is

Oh I see sorry

Did you consume significantly more alcohol than him when you got together for drinks?

Are you reading from a 1930s dating advice manual for young ladies?

There’s a lot more to this. I have been on the OP’s other thread.

You asked a question- what shall we eat? He told you he will eat beforehand, and why. At least he answered in a straightforward way, but yikes.

I am quite into my fitness, but I wouldn't like this. It's the honeymoon phase. If he can't relax and just have a bit of fun and have some snacks and drinks without making a song and dance about trivia that doesn't concern you-- then what is the point of him being in your life?

Also-- the difference between 79 and 80kg is quite negligible. It can't be fat unless he overate by nearly 10000 calories on your night out. Unless it was a mukbang event, that's not likely. Therefore, I'd conclude that he was more than slightly stupid.

If the "relationship" will be simply the odd date and sex, and you are perhaps sexually incompatible and definitely food incompatible......what's the point?

Can you link it @Frangardens?

I would rather not, as unfair to the OP. But there is a lot more to what’s going on with the OP and her lifestyle and it’s very serious. I imagine this man was aware of it

It was only yesterday the other thread was

For men we are.
Not being quite happy with ourselves suits the patriarchy.
Once we look a bit too muscled, too thin or the way we like to look we are in trouble.

Someone on here posted it’s what annoys you in the beginning is what breaks you in the end.

@Frangardens No, the man is not aware of it. The issues I've written about are when I'm at home alone and bored which is where I need support to cut down my drinking - or stop entirely as I appreciate the impact on my health. He was planning to come here Saturday night and neither of us were going to drink anything at all. Genuinely don't see why it needs to be brought up here.

@DeftGoldHedgehog I had exactly the same number of drinks as he did on Saturday night, we were both a little bit tipsy.

Yes I did put a thread up yesterday around me feeling I have a problem with drinking. HOWEVER that is absolutely nothing to do with the advice I've asked for on this situation. We had the same number of drinks each Saturday night whilst out (4 cocktails) - he actually drank more overall as he had one in the bar while I was getting ready. The issues I've identified are when I am at home alone, I wouldn't even be drinking if he was coming here.

The fact I've separately asked for support to cut down/stop drinking is neither here nor there and doesn't mean 'there's more to this story'

It is everything to do with this situation. Drinking two bottles of wine a night and then binging on takeaways every night when already in serious debt - doesn’t occur to you that he sensed that you had a drinking issue and issues with buying takeaways every night?

I wonder how the sex could ever be so brilliant if he's not making you feel absolutely beautiful.

Seems a reach to say her relationship with alcohol has anything to do with her aversion to a boring vain twat wanging on about minute daily fluctuations in his scale weight.

@Missj25

I haven't said he drank 'much more than me' at any point. We had the same number when out, but I then remembered he was drinking prosecco (we got a free bottle) in the bar while I got changed - not lots of drinks and waiting hours.

I had been out with friends in the afternoon but hadn't been drinking as knew I would be on the afternoon - that event was booked for months which is why he booked a hotel as it's in a place that's halfway.

I haven't once said the takeaway was left over from the night before - your reading comprehension is off somewhere.

Genuine question - why the fuck would I make up something like this? Seriously? Also yes I had a hysterectomy - what's that got to do with anything? Sounds like YOU need a hobby that's not advance searching and picking people apart on MN

@Frangardens actually he has absolutely no idea other than I've said I'd like to cut down on the amount of alcohol I drink. We've only been back in touch for a couple of weeks and have seen each other than night only.

All anyone has to do is read all of your posts to see there is nothing wrong with my reading comprehension .

@Missj25 in that case can you please point me to where I was eating leftover takeaway on Monday night considering I didn't get a takeaway on Sunday?

You got my post taken down before any posters see I called you out on your stories that add up

Sorry that don’t add up

know I have a problem with alcohol. I don't really go out much but it's been getting to the point where I drink two bottles of wine per night in the house - and to make it worse I order them from Just-Eat/Deliveroo because I think I'll be good and not buy any from the supermarket. I'm thousands of pounds in debt and obviously £20+ a night a few times a week has contributed to that.

yesterday. @BitOfFun2026 you are struggling, no shame in that. Now is not the time to be in a relationship.