To end things over a diet?

[BitOfFun2026]

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

So it's different if someone has a non negotiable dance class on a Friday night but not if they want to do a leg workout on a Saturday night then drive either 45 miles or 90 miles to meet someone - how is that different?

She's also said she doesn't want anything serious - so just casual dating

He paid for a hotel halfway - he's driving 90 miles to see you tonight and people are lining up to call him a self obsessed bore? Some people wouldn't drive ten miles to meet someone

Well yeah, because you can't change the time of a class but you can absolutely change the time of your individual workout. And of course you don't have to, but don't be surprised if it puts people off. If meeting me for a date is such a chore, why are we meeting at all?

Absolutely 100% agree

You just know he’ll be sending non stop workout selfies and wanting to be told how amazing he looks

Why has your metabolism come to a 'stop' because you've had a hysterectomy?

Of course you can change the time of a class. Most dance studios or gyms have a selection of times you can choose from

I would end it. I love good food and wine and I wouldn't be interested in being with someone so obsessive about diet. It doesn't make him a bad person, it's just a compatibility issue

@scottishgirl69 I should probably have worded that as 'can be rigid as hell' - for example I had fully planned a weekend of peace and quiet alone next week as I've had a busy few weeks. But he wasn't able to make Friday night as he has work Saturday, so I was willing to change what I had planned to make it work.

Also, It's 90 minutes not 90 miles

Speaking as someone who worked in gyms for a long time and who has a brother who is a PT I can assure you that not everyone who is into fitness spends their life taking selfies and looking for validation on how they look

The guy in the OPs thread is her ex - not some stranger. If he's that much of a twat why did she want to start seeing him again?

He's being ridiculous.

He knows damn well he could eat steak and broccoli and stay on plan just fine.

He sounds mind numbingly boring, to be frank.

I'd be out.

The class can’t be changed to suit pp .
A leg workout can be done at a different time & not clash with date OP & her new bf had arranged .
You’re telling me so if you had arrangements made with new guy you are seeing, & he turns around & says “ Sorry I can’t make it actually I have to do a leg workout “
You wouldn’t say to yourself, “ why doesn’t he just get up an hour earlier that morning to do it “ ?
Personally I think it’s lame ..

It sounds like it.

Yes exactly.
Personally it would put me right off .

Of course you can change the times of classes - I did and taught classes for years. I didn't just teach them one night a week. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest tbh

He didn't cancel on Saturday night - they met up.

I watch football on a Saturday -that's pretty non negotiable for me although I've been single since dinosaurs were roaming the earth so if someone did say to me they couldn't make a Saturday it wouldn't bother me at all

The bigger issue is the distance and the fact they can't see one another during the week as far as I'm concerned

I’d call it off I think. If you’re looking for fun dates and experiences going out etc, it’s going to involve food and drink, perhaps even spontaneously. It curbs what you’re looking for, and doesn’t allow you to date the way you want to.

I dated a guy years ago, who was obsessed with what he ate/ when he went to gym. He had to choose food in advance from an online menu when I suggested going somewhere, and would almost always ask for amendments to the meal when we were there. It drove me crazy. I lasted about a month.

Dear God, he sounds tedious. Ask yourself, if this became serious, could you really listen to this level of obsession every day?

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, sometimes they're full, sometimes you're not available for the only other times they do. You definitely have way more flexibility for a personal workout than a set class so it's going to turn a lot of people off that your big leg workout, which you could do literally any other time you're free, is, to you, a sexier use of your time.

But he's allowed to, obviously. And OP is allowed to find it a turn off, especially given all the other rigid and unattractive behaviour he's showing. I'm turned off myself.

He's fixating one one kilo. Sorry but that's having ED. It's also deeply unappealing to not understand that such rigid behaviour obsession shouldn't be shared with someone you want to try and have sex with.

Eat what you like or don't but why the fuck would anyone want an essay from someone over the fact they gained one kilo?!

I've suffered severe ED on and off for 35 years and wouldn't dream of saying such things to anyone. I'd just order something small if I wanted not much food.

He dated, paid for a hotel & it kinda feels to me that's him "done his bit" so what will you do when he comes to yours? No meal, no drinks, no coffee definitely no cake, will he wanna watch TV, game or chat or itching to get to the gym have a run etc or just straight down to sex ending up in the FWB zone that you didn't want. He does sound like fun sponge to me

He sounds like an energy vampire. Dump him!

Nobody likes a fat slob, but this bloke sounds very hung up on his appearance. Does he look in the mirror a lot, too? TBH he sounds vain. To me, blokes should only really look in the mirror to shave.
I’d throw him back.

This is a great explanation of what’s bugging me and probably OP. The attitude not the diet. Most of my friends even in very strict diet will have a few places they can go.

I am sorry this isn't going to work. Its not you its me....😁 goodbye

Jeez