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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

588 replies

MamaBee22 · 22/02/2026 14:28

First time posting so please bare with me..

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.

Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?

Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went.

I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before.

She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it.

Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake.

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term.

Thank you

OP posts:

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 22/02/2026 14:33

Just need to give her space and be prepared to loose the friendship over this, not sure how you would of forgotten to be honest. You obviously don’t think she’s very important.

ExtraOnions · 22/02/2026 14:35

How was this not in your phone calendar, with an alarm to remind you?

You need to give her some space.

d0gindoghouse · 22/02/2026 14:39

I think most people would be pissed off more so if they had no other way of getting there or say would have had to leave a good bit earlier to use public transport etc. However there is no need to punish you for a genuine mistake which it obviously was.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 22/02/2026 14:39

It’s easy to forget things when the normal routine changes- half term and illness and gp visit. What was the plan for childcare if you had remembered?

The thing is, it’s not just an appointment it’s a health worry that will be unresolved for longer.

Could she have got at uber?

TeachWithMissM · 22/02/2026 14:40

i think as much as you didn’t do it intentionally, this has probably had a huge impact on her. A colonoscopy is a really really unpleasant and scary experience, and the hospital needs to know who will be collecting you in order to allow you to be released. I can imagine that her having to scramble around last minute to try and find someone to get her there and pick her up was a huge stress at an already very stressful time. She is totally within her rights to feel hugely let down by this as it happened at a time when she really will have needed support. There is nothing you can do to change it now though, so give her lots of space and apologise sincerely when the time is appropriate.

pilates · 22/02/2026 14:45

Yeah I would give her space - you let her down big time

Original poster

MamaBee22 · 22/02/2026 14:46

Sorry forgot to add she did get to appointment on time, and it did go well which I'm pleased about. I did offer to collect her and bring her home but rightly so she didn't want that/didn't reply.

I was going to have to take my kids with me to drop her off and pick her back up, which isn't the issue.

Again, no deflection because she shouldn't have to but normally if we have plans we'd text each other on the morning or if one is running late for a lift, we'd ring the other to see where they are. If she'd done that, then of course I'd of remembered and took her.
Completely understand ringing or reminding me isn't her responsibility, but I think she's finding it hard to accept that I just forgot, no excuse or other reason. I would never purposely forgot to take her to something like this

OP posts:

AmyDudley · 22/02/2026 14:47

Did she manage to get to her appointment or did she miss it because of you ? Was it a colposcopy or a colonoscopy ? If it was the latter she will have had to take a load of prep the day beforehand which is very unpleasant, both types of procedure are to look for abnormalities so I imagine she had had to awit for the appointment and would have been very anxious for a while about them. You added to that anxiety.
If you weren't able to prioritise her and her appointment you should not have offered.
I think the situation depends on whether she missed her appointment or not, if she managed to get to it, then give her space and when she's ready you can move on, she doen't want to discuss it with you at the moment because she is angry ith you, give her time. if she missed the appointment because of you then, don't be surprised if she withdraws. You let her down majorly.

AmyDudley · 22/02/2026 14:48

x posted.

PJ98 · 22/02/2026 14:48

Do you not have a diary? I wouldn't trust myself to just remember appointments.

Mauro711 · 22/02/2026 14:50

I don't think you should view at her silence as her punishing you. Sometimes when someone who you care about lets you down it's better to calm down and get some distance so that you don't say something unecessarily hurtful. I have been known to do that too, rather than act out in the moment.

You might be able to come back from this, but give her space and then let her know how sorry you are.

MargeryBargery · 22/02/2026 14:54

I know some people are more forgetful than others, but I could not imagine arranging to take someone to hospital and then forget about it. It's a big thing, it would have been on my mind days before, I would have prepped the night before, confirmed plans etc.
So for that reason I would have a really hard time forgiving someone who forgot their promise to me. I'd feel like I was so way down on your list of priorities that I don't matter.

Maybe she'll come around to forgive you, but don't be surprised if the friendship completely cools off after this.

Speckly · 22/02/2026 14:54

Do the big gesture and send a bouquet of flowers with a heartfelt sorry note… hopefully she’ll appreciate the sentiment. You can do no more. The ball is in her court.

SarahAndQuack · 22/02/2026 14:55

You don't sound terribly sorry!

This sounds both smug ('ooh, aren't I a good friend?!) and patronising ('sadly'), when the actual issue is that you did something bad and you clearly don't want to take the rap for it.

Of course she'll fucking bring it up if you have this attitude towards her.

I can absolutely understand that sometimes a plan falls through; you had a sick child. But I'm sure she's not stupid and she can see that you want to make this into her fault because she 'can be known to use silence as a form of punishment'.

I think, frankly, she's better off without you. But if you really do want to make amends, then just accept she probably doesn't want to talk to you much right now, and leave it to her to decide when she feels like it again.

Stillhere83 · 22/02/2026 14:56

Yes I agree on the silence, it's not necessarily about punishing you, if she's really hurt then she might just need space, I would in that situation.

Like a PP I think there is a difference between colposcopy (fairly minor in terms of the actual procedure) and colonoscopy (fairly major, in fact I know someone who died during one) - which was it?

BunnyOnTheOnion · 22/02/2026 14:56

I'm not surprised she's pissed off. I think it's on you to offer an olive branch and I would wait a few days for her to and then send a handwritten card with an apology (not excuses!), tell her how much her friendship means and ask to take her out for coffee/ lunch or take a bunch of flowers round.

You mention she sometimes uses the silent treatment as punishment, people often use that when they've had it modelled to them as a child. If she's grown up being ignored as punishment then you ignoring/ forgetting her at such a vulnerable time has possibly triggered some painful feelings of being abandoned and perhaps she's withdrawn to avoid feeling hurt rather than to punish you.

SarahAndQuack · 22/02/2026 14:57

I was going to have to take my kids with me to drop her off and pick her back up, which isn't the issue.

So why mention it?

It's pretty normal for parents to have to take their kids with them to things.

Alpacajigsaw · 22/02/2026 14:57

Yeah not ideal but it isn’t like you did it deliberately. You can’t do anything though other than apologise and see if she gets over it.

dairydebris · 22/02/2026 14:57

Your excuses sound really annoying.

Nicelynicelyjohnson · 22/02/2026 14:58

I would likely have messaged you in the morning to ask if you were still up for it, I wouldn't have just assumed.
I would guess she didn't do this because you are usually 100% reliable, or because she wanted to "test" you. Depending on where you sit in this scale would be the answer as to whether I would get over it or not.
I wouldn't drop a friend over this, but it would change things.

toomuchfaff · 22/02/2026 14:58

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible.

Deal with it head on, I'd send a message apologising (presuming you havent already), where you lay out your reasoning, making it clear that you understand you really did let her down. Then say your open to building bridges when she is ready.

If she stays silent - let her, don't chase, give her time, don't apologise again. If she starts to lay on the guilt say something like ", I'm really very sorry to have let you down, i understand that may have hurt you very much, that wasn't my intention, it sounds like you're trying to make me feel guilty for what happened, not sure if that was what you intended?"

This gives her an out from the guilt but if she continues and confirms she is using guilt just say "I will give you some space, conversations that try to use guilty isnt going to get us anywhere, as thats not healthy, I'm open to rebuilding when you are"

BillieWiper · 22/02/2026 15:01

I guess I would've booked her an Uber/taxi there and back to make up for it. But it's done now.

I would accept someone forgetting something like that if I hadn't confirmed the night before/on the day they were definitely still able to do it.

It was kind of you to offer so I'd hope she'll see that nobody is perfect.

MikeRafone · 22/02/2026 15:02

buy her a big box of chocolates and apologise

what have you done so far?

Catisheavyonmylap · 22/02/2026 15:03

You keep saying how sorry you are but you’re actually laying the blame with her to make yourself feel better; Chooses silence as a way to punish, usually messages to remind you - stop making excuses for your own cock up and really own it.

MikeRafone · 22/02/2026 15:03

BillieWiper

I don't think you can do an uber/taxi for this type of appointment

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