Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

[MamaBee22]

First time posting so please bare with me..

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.

Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?

Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went.

I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before.

She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it.

Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake.

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term.

Thank you

You have these to check on cell changes to check for cancer - can’t think of any other reason to have one.
https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/tests-and-scans/cone-biopsy

FFS OPs aughter was unwell it would be very easy given that your child is ALWAYS your first priority

If she had sedation with a cone biopsy (which I highly recommend as I opted to not and the giant needle and smell of my flesh burning was not great) she would not be allowed to drive for 24hrs.

You are unbelievably lacking in empathy here.

I’ve never been one to rely on anyone else and would never ask for a lift anyway/ especially if you have kids , work etc I think it’s a big ask?

I’ve had a coloscopy and it wasn’t a big deal. It’s not nice but in all our lives we’re going to have procedures. Could she not have got a Taxi without asking a favour ?

I agree. OP’s child had a chest infection, so she was focused on that.

It's just a mistake OP you re human with other priorities too so just say sorry and mentally move on.

Just on this point, they aren’t always this bad. I had no sedation, drove myself there and back afterwards. No issue whatsoever.

I agree. I wouldn't ask a friend for a lift. I'd get a taxi. I think expecting a friend to do it in half term is a lot.

For me ultimately responsibility ends with your friend .

Does that make the OP the victim here then ?

@Nearly50omg If after examination they would have decided thermal ablation or LLETZ was in order they would have done it then during the appointment. Not a 2 minute and upsetting.
Hope you do not have it -it is not nice. Please do not minimize it.

OP you're getting such a hard time on this thread so I'll try to offer something constructive if you're still reading. I would have a deep think about why you didn't put the appointment in your diary. I wonder if some unconscious part of you didn't want to take her and is sick of being relied upon by her. From the way you describe being the constant in her life and being subjected to the silent treatment etc- it sounds like this dynamic isn't working for you and you're fed up of that. Others have given you good advice about making amends (flowers etc) but you could also use this moment to create some distance if supporting her is just too much on top of parenting etc and you feel this is a one sided dynamic where you don't get much back. You haven't said this so I could be way off the mark- just reading between the lines and pondering whether there is deeper resentment that may have informed this incident.

She's massively over-reacting and will be a dick if she stops being your friend over this. I think you wouldn't have forgotten if you weren't distracted by having a poorly child, which in the moment is the most important thing to think about. I assume you've explained this to her and reassured her that she is important to you and you're really sorry.

Exactly! Self sufficient. I had a colonoscopy and had to take my baby and went on a bus… I did it and never asked of anyone. And I have a big supportive network but I don’t take the mick! Only in life and death situations would I

Right but it's not as if they tell you if you've got cancer on the day is it? She'd be no more or less worried about having cancer after the procedure and having a friend drive her might have been nice but not necessary as she wasn't going to be told bad news or anything - it's just a short uncomfortable procedure.

Also, if it had been me expecting a lift I'd have been texting the night before and reminding you - not a few days beforehand, and I might even text in the morning saying "see you soon, thanks so much for doing this for me xx"

Taxis exist

I think I’d send her some flowers with a little note saying once again how sorry you are.

I mean, if the OP genuinely thinks no harm no foul, then fair enough.

It would be easy enough to say ‘grow the fuck up, there are more important things in my life than your hospital appointment, don’t be such a needy fucking loser’

But my sense was that the OP would prefer to maintain the friendship if possible. 🤷‍♀️

Feel like I’ve wondered into alternative universe here. OP made a mistake, she’s human. All the “you forgot her because she’s not important” comments and attempts to make the OP feel awful are ridiculous. She apologised. Shit happens. The friend sounds very dramatic as well. She went to the appointment in the end so no harm done?

Also I’ve had a Coloscopy and took the bus home afterwards. Has OP confirmed her friend was sedated and could only go home in a taxi? I’ve never heard of a hospital refusing to release someone if they didn’t have a driver to take them home as a PP suggested. The melodrama!

Thank you for replies. I already sent a message checking in/seeing if there's anything I could do, and then did send what I thought was a sincere apology, I didn't use excuses (for people thinking I am I just posted them here for context)

My DC ended up needing further anti biotic and steroids because it made her asthma worse, but again I didn't say that to my friend as I don't want to take away from me forgetting. Just trying to show I really did have so many plates to juggle that day, it just slipped out my mind. Thankfully she got there and back ok, and it was done fairly quickly which I'm pleased about.

I think I feel particularly guilty because I know how she feels. I also have no village, my parents are deceased and DH's non existent. The difference being I have him, so I feel even worse because she doesn't have that, I guess in many ways I take on that role in her life. I've always emotionally and practically been there for her and never let her down before so I feel rubbish about the whole situation.

She does have other friends, sibling and her parents but I guess as the closest person to her she wanted me there as they aren't always reliable.

I'll reach out again in a couple of days to see if she's ready to talk to me. If not, I don't know what else I can do.

How is it you don’t know that not everyone uses phone calendars?
Many people here are giving the OP a ridiculously hard time. She’s a busy parent who forgot something important. Which of us hasn’t done that? She’s apologised. What else can she do?

It not about whether you can get a taxi or not. Its about op saying she would do it and then not.

I've had one of these, I drove myself there and back and was basically in and
out within half an hour. It's not great you forgot her but it really is quite a minor thing.

not relevant to the colposcopy that OP is referring to as this generally doesn’t involve sedation (but it was only made clear that it was a colposcopy as opposed to a colonoscopy after I had posted my comment) but this is the NHS guidance about needing someone known to pick you up either driving or to be with you in a taxi following a colonoscopy. Again, I’m not suggesting this is relevant to OP but it certainly wasn’t an attempt to make up information to create drama, but rather to bring awareness to what a colonoscopy can involve as I know many people wouldn’t be aware