Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

[MamaBee22]

First time posting so please bare with me..

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.

Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?

Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went.

I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before.

She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it.

Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake.

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term.

Thank you

Forgetting is saying she wasn't important enough to remember.

Would you want someone you were furious with at your door armed with flowers and apologies? And then have to feel like the ‘bad guy’ if you don’t welcome them in? Send flowers by all means, but don’t just turn up with them. I’d hate being put on the spot like that!

Surely, the reason you'd have it in that context is because you'd had an abnormal smear result? So the worry is cancer, isn't it?

When you say sorry but....or its not a deflection but....that's exactly what it is. It's minimizing what you did.
You need to give her time and space.

You only get referred for a colposcopy if you have had a high risk HPV pcr test or abnormal cytology. They do not do it for giggles. Your friend must have been worried.
The more you say things like
"t swept up in poorly kids, needing to take my DC to the doctors and solo parenting in half term"
and
"not on the 2 week pathway " the worse you come over

For me ultimately responsibility ends with your friend .
Id of text in the morning and said hey are you still able to take me etc .
If be aware it was my appointment and understand that it's my responsibility to ensure anyone assisting me had remembered and would be reminding ppl and confirming 25hhrs before hand .

I agree

If it was (as I think) a colonoscopy, and they found something nasty, she could potentially be told then and there that she likely had cancer. As well as feeling ill from the preparation, she will have been feeling distressed and nervous- plus the procedure itself can be painful and upsetting.

It was a really bad thing to forget her OP, really difficult to understand, and shows a fundamental lack of interest in her - combined with the doubling down and apparent determination to somehow blame her for feeling devastated by this.

In all honesty the message this will have sent to your friend about how little you really care for her is such a loud one, so contemptuous of her well-being, that if I were her I would struggle to want to see you again.

I think you need to do some hard thinking about what sort of friend you are, whether you are able to engage sincerely in friendships, and whether you actually want this friendship in any meaningful sense. Because this wasn’t so much a mild signal of a problem as a blaring klaxon.

You clearly didn’t do it deliberately. She’ll come to her senses and realise that; just give her time. If she doesn’t, and continues to try and punish (?!) you, then I really don’t think she’s worth worrying over. How childish, sending you to Coventry!

Forgetting something like that is unforgivable and a good friend would never let someone down like that. It’s not surprising that she’s really pissed off with you. At the very least do as others have suggested and get her a lovely bouquet of flowers and a hand written card apologising for letting her down so badly.

You forgot. Why didnt she messaged you on the day to remind you?
She got there in time. You apologised. No need for her to still be in a strop . She's behaving like a child

It was a colposcopy she has clarified

OP says she's giving her the silent treatment. But that's just her opinion.

The half term holidays are only a week long, so this is all very recent and fresh. The friend didn't reply for a few days, and then said she didn't want to talk about it. 🤷‍♀️ It's not exactly unusual to go a few days without messaging a friend.

If it's unforgivable then maybe the friend (who has few other friends, wonder why?) should just cut OP out and remove the problem that way, no?
Or she could accept that a mistake was made, no real harm was done and forgive her friend. Crazy I know.

Nice thought, but I would amend it to a couple of bunches of beautiful spring daffodils, a “really sorry I fucked up” card, and a cake delivered by you in person.

You forgot the hair shirt and ringing a bell shouting shame shame

You tried to do a kind thing and forgot
But the appointment time changed, it was half term and it meant taking your kids with you there and back. I wouldn't put a friend to that much trouble and would get a taxi.
The friend should have text in the morning to make sure it was all OK still.
You forgot but there was alot going on for you.

Omg id be fuming she will have done all the prep for nothing and now will likely be booted to the bottom of the list. Have you ever had a colonoscopy? Do you understand how bad the prep is. How do you forget something like that.

While I sort of agree that it is ultimately the responsibility of the appointment owner, I think it's a pretty crap friend who forgets something like this.

When I was in a similar situation, my friend was texting me first thing morning to see how I was feeling about everything and to confirm her expected arrival time etc. There was a basic understanding that I would be stressed enough about the procedure already and a desire to alleviate any worries about the logistics.

And I have done exactly the same thing when I have been on the helping end of the arrangements.

And this is why, as a single person, I never share my problems or ask anybody for help or assistance. Threads on mumsnet announcing ‘she’s single, she’s got form for this, that and blah, blah’ even when whatever has happened isn’t their fault. Honestly, so many people treat their single ‘friends’ like total shit and use every excuse under the sun to justify it.

😭Genuine tears. Will they do?

Why do you think she has few other friends?

The OP claims that she is the most dependable person in this friend's life - but she also imagines that a grown woman who doesn't reply to her for a couple of days is 'giving her the silent treatment'. Most people I know would call that 'an adult having a life'.

It's perfectly reasonable for the friend to be annoyed, and if she'd decided the OP isn't worth bothering with any more, I couldn't really blame her.

OK why you swearing at me

This is what l would do too but would also say something like l'm here when you are ready to get back in touch.