To ask for reasons NOT to get a dog?

[Waheymum]

I'm pregnant with my & DH's second child, first is a toddler. DH desperately wants a dog. I'm left with almost all childcare because he works irregular hours, and this wouldn't change if he had a dog so I'd be left looking after two children and a dog. I take DC1 out to groups/soft play/etc most days so it's not like I'm sitting around at home to look after a dog. On top of this, I just don't want one: I'm not ready to commit to a dog, they're a lot of work, I couldn't just take a dog out with my DCs to kids' activities.

AIBU not to want a dog at this time, and could you relay some experiences/stories that explain why it's a bad idea?

What you've posted sounds like plenty.

Also- the cost of kennels if you go away.

the commitment - no going out for more than 4 hours
training a puppy is very hard
the unknown with young children in the house

I think you’ve answered your own question op. You don’t have to justify yourself.

We have 2 young kids and we don’t want dogs because:

A lot of them smell or wreck the house or chew things

We don’t have time to walk it. We don’t want to pay for a dog walker.

I still wouldn’t feel safe as a female walking it in the dark on my own.

They cost a hell of a lof of money and we have better things to spend the money on.

We want freedom to go out or go on trips. I often go away for a weekend to see my family or friends who don’t live nearby.

I would be worried about dogs with young children as they kids can unintentionally annoy the dog and it can snap. I’ve seen it before with DS.

Definately say no OP you said you dont even want a dog and your husbamd wont even be around to help!

My friend got a dog when she had a baby and a toddler with the idea she was on mat leave to train it , however tuned into a distaster as she was forever having to seperate the dog from the children as he was a nippy puppy, he would chews thier toys and she found it impossible to walk on her own as the toddler didnt want to walk as far and baby wasnt happy in to be put down in the pram, having to walk it in rain with a unhappy toddler and baby, constant mess from dog hair and mud having to clean up poo in garden so toddler didnt step in it, like your worried about she could no longer just spend the day out had to plan her day around getting back for the dog, she was tired anyway from having a baby and toddler and this was added stress she didnt need and of course husband worked away a lot nearly ruined thier releationship as he wanted to keep dog, it wasnt fair on her or the dog, the dog ended up going to a family friend in the end but she always says how the dog ruined some of her mat leave leaving her stressed all the time when she was supposed to be bonding with her baby.

I have a dog, and love her to bits, and wouldn't be without her.

In your situation, I would say a hard no to one. New dogs and babies/toddlers do not mix well - you would have to be constantly vigilant about their interactions just when you have the most on your plate.

Pets, like children, need to be a 'two yeses' decision. Unless both of you are 100% committed, it should be a no. And the cheek of your DH to be pushing for it when you would be the one doing all the work!

You’ll end up doing everything. Tell him to get fucked.

I loved my dog and if I could have HER back, I would, but not sure I want another one because:

Uncertainty around expense. If you have a dog that will eat commercial dog food, then you can budget. But ours had many allergies and when she was having a flare up and could only eat a certain one, then I was looking at £25 - £30 a week on food for her. Then you have insurance on top which started off at £40 a month then was finally £200 a month as she aged.

They are a tie. You can't plan a day out until you have got dog care sorted. Spontaneity goes out the window.

Depending on the breed, they will need anywhere between 1 and 5 walks a day.

I couldn't hoover, sweep or mop without putting her into a different room or out into the garden as it was a massive game to her. It was funny to start with, but became a nuisance in the end.

Garden with toddlers - who is going to poo-pick each morning so the toddlers can play out?

OP - if your DH wants a dog and you don't, he needs to take responsibility for it's day-to-day care, and booking and paying for dog walkers. It is not fair if you get lumbered with the walking (and training if it's a pup).

My friend did not want a dog and her husband and son said they would do everything. Which they did for the first six months. For the remaining 11 and a half years she was the one having to walk the dog 4 or 5 times a day and arranging her day around it's care. Do not be this mug!

Absolutely not! Getting a dog should be a joint decision but I’d argue you actually have the most say as you’d be the one looking after it.

We always said we wanted a dog until we looked after a friend’s dog for 2 weeks in October. We’d had him in the summer and it was great fun taking the dog to loads of places. By October, it was raining constantly and dark so definitely not fun going for walks in that. The places we wanted to go were indoors where we couldn’t take him with us so we couldn’t go. Just really debilitating.

On top of that, they stink! Friends who have dogs have a house, car, clothes, tent (we go camping), etc. that all stink of dog! They can’t smell it but we certainly can. I don’t want my house to stink and everyone else just constantly be thinking of that.

Then add on the insane expense of a dog. Just no!

Of course you aren't being unreasonable not to want to get a dog.

You have articulated really well why getting one would not be fair on you, the children, or the dog itself.

Plus , as other pp have mentioned, the safety aspect of dogs with children and the expense.

If your H has any brain power at all surely he can see how much extra work this will cause you? Surely he cares about your welfare? Surely he must care about the safety of his own children?

The time to get a dog is when the youngest child is 10 and your partner has time to train a puppy and walk it 2 or 3 times a day.

I love dogs, and I would love one. A lovely little female German Shepherd. But I cannot take that responsibility. Walking it, picking up it's mess. Why do that to yourself, life is hard enough. Cats all the way

@BeingATwatItsABingThing is a good idea. Borrow a friend’s dog when they go on holiday- most dog owners like me are desperate for dog care because boarding is so expensive. Tell DH he is responsible for everything when he’s there and getting meals ready for when he’s not. Reassess his desire to get a dog at the end of it.
Alternatively just tell him to do one. A dog is a huge commitment and you already have two of those.

When you’re in the toddler/baby/pregnacy stage of life, it’s a genuinely bad idea to get a dog. You’re busy, tired, you don’t have spare time for walks and training, you have to supervise the dog with the children or keep them separate for child and dogs safety, possible allergies that you don’t know yet etc, it’s not fair on the children, dog or owners. The chances of the dog being ignored, miserable, under stimulated, under walked are all really high. Some people end up rehoming the dog and all because they chose to get one at a time when life was already stressful.

I love dogs, we have them, but we waited til our youngest was about 10 and then we could all enjoy the dogs and give them the time they deserve for training, stimulation, walks and attention. The children were also old enough to understand when to leave the dogs alone, not irritate them like babies and toddlers can etc. Our dogs make us less stressed because we have an easy life with older kids, we work from home and have time on our hands, the dogs are rarely left as someone is usually around, the total opposite of your household,

In your case, the fact it’s your husband pushing for one when he isn’t going to be around much is appalling. Does he want you to be super stressed, never be able to relax? It’s so selfish towards you, the children and the poor dog! Your husband sounds completely stupid and irresponsible.

The question I would ask my husband if he were desperate for a dog whilst I was pregnant with child number 2 would be why he desperately needs to complicate my life further.

I have an 8 year-old, a 6 month-old and the third one is on the way and my DP is desperate for a dog. He works away during the week so everything is left to me.
We have two cats. I love the cats. But when I’m having a stressful day, I could throw those god damn cats out the window.
A dog would be 100 times worse. Needy, following you around everywhere, daily walks, in and out for wees, begging for food, ah god fuck that.

Imagine being at home on your own with your two children, one is a newborn, and your new puppy has shat on the floor, pissed in the baby’s car seat and chewed the wheels on the pram.
You would hate it. And then you’d hate your husband.

Not going away for a few nights without arranging for someone to look after the dog. Even a day trip is over, unless you know someone can come by to walk the dog.

Even if you want to take your kids to activities you'll need to walk the dog beforehand and when you come back. Your dog will get old and that will limit you further, as you can't put your old dog in kennels. What about vet bills and food- it is very expensive. Plus worming. When they are puppies they ruin everything by chewing on shoes and sofas. My dog vomits about twice a week and you'll have that to clean up. I can never recommend a dog to anyone, unless you live on a farm and have unlimited free time.

I have a dog and young children and it's mostly fine because he's old and placid and takes himself upstairs to sleep all day. Having a young, bouncy, needy dog though would be an absolute nightmare.

Even though our dog is fine, having the responsibility along with young kids is very frustrating. We can't go to the zoo or the beach for the day, we always have to be back after a few hours. Friends of the kids are scared of him so we rarely invite them over.

Re the garden, yes someone will have to pick up the poo every day, but don't underestimate how much they can wreck a garden generally. Their wee kills grass leaving you with yellow dead patches. Our lawn becomes a muddy bog in winter that needs reseeding every year because he scrabbles around it a few times a day. It really ruins the usability for us.

We love our dog but we've had him over 10 years and I'm looking forward to being free to be honest.

I love my dog very much and wouldn't ever re-home her but I do wish in hindsight we hadn't got her simply due to the extra work she creates when I'm already burnt out. And she's an extremely chill, well-behaved, easy dog. She sheds a lot so I have to spend a lot of time cleaning, I never feel comfortable letting DS play in the garden because of the traces of dog poo that will inevitably be on the grass (although that's true of any park I guess), she costs a lot in food, vaccinations, insurance, daycare and the dog boarder when we go on holiday (she cannot travel more than 10 minutes in the car, becomes extremely anxious shut down and vomits - done this for years and nothing has worked to reduce the stress for her so we've had to accept we can't take her with us), her recall isn't great so walking her can be a bit stressful, I'm she's fine with DS at the moment but I would never leave them together in a room which is a pain if I just want to nip into the other room to grab something, she has a sensitive stomach and occasionally poops inside if she's managed to eat something on a walk we haven't seen (we've thrown out three rugs now and have accepted we just can't have a rug!), can't go on days out for the whole day unless we sort out someone to look after her as she can't come with us and daycare isn't open at the weekend. Honestly there's a lot to consider and my dog is a very good, easy dog by all accounts. As I said, I love her and wouldn't ever re-home her but when I'm cleaning up indoor poop or putting the hoover on for the 3rd time that day while trying to wrangle a stroppy toddler, I do wish I'd given dog ownership more thought when knew I was going to have a baby!

I had a list but yours trumps it - you're having a baby! Your DP is a selfish idiot.

Reason #649 - random vet bills plonked into your finances

No no no!

They take up so much time!!

Having a toddler and a baby is the most difficult and stressful thing you will ever do. Adding a dog into the equation is utterly crazy.

Also I’ve just had to fork out £1200 in a vet bill.

The costs of food and vets is astronomical currently !

I never understand why people get a puppy with a newborn. Crazy!

Because your kids grow and get lives and you get freedom then the dog gets left all day to bark ( like my bloody neighbour)

Vet bills are astronomical and so is decent insurance.

It falls on one person to look after it despite everyone’s promises before you get it.

Dogs get old and when they get old they shit and vomit in the house.

@Chipper28 what you’ve written rings so true.

We’ve also lost 3 very nice and expensive rugs!

I purchased my dog before starting a family, she genuinely was my first baby. The training years were tough and by the time my eldest was born she was trained but it was still bloody tough walking her and arranging her not to be alone for too long just the mental load with a baby. I then split with my ex and it was so difficult managing work/childcare and a toddler my sister who was studying had to dog share with me for a couple of years so she had her part the week and me the other (weekend). Honestly I am so grateful to my sister. I then went on to have a second and took her back for maternity it was easier as my partner was supportive and would walk the dog and help. She (the dog) was a superstar with the children as she was older and I loved her so much (she had to be PTS at 11 for illness). I personally wouldn’t get a dog at this stage of your life it’s too much. When your youngest is 6/7 is the perfect age.

Yes, agree with this! As someone who was in that situation but did agree to the dog. The dog (unless you're really crazy about it) is nothing but a massive chore. A chore which you can't put off, can't decide to do tomorrow, can't ignore for a few hours, etc. Any free little minute you get to relax while your children are sleeping or whatever - well now you have a dog to train/walk/feed/clean up after in that time.