To ask for reasons NOT to get a dog?

[Waheymum]

I'm pregnant with my & DH's second child, first is a toddler. DH desperately wants a dog. I'm left with almost all childcare because he works irregular hours, and this wouldn't change if he had a dog so I'd be left looking after two children and a dog. I take DC1 out to groups/soft play/etc most days so it's not like I'm sitting around at home to look after a dog. On top of this, I just don't want one: I'm not ready to commit to a dog, they're a lot of work, I couldn't just take a dog out with my DCs to kids' activities.

AIBU not to want a dog at this time, and could you relay some experiences/stories that explain why it's a bad idea?

I love dogs and ours is fantastic but you both have to fully want one because they are hard work. Especially for me, what to do when you go away. We have exceljebt doggy daycare that he loves but you still worry about them. Don't do it if you're not totally up for it.

We have a dog, we got her when oldest was 13. It's been good for my DH mental health, and the kids love her, but I'm glad we didn't rush into it and I wasn't juggling babies/ toddlers and puppy.

We have a large dog (34kg) but waited until the kids were older (11 & 13). They crazed for a dog. Promised they would help etc. Now it’s left to me to walk him, feed him and entertain him. I love him so much but it is a massive tie and a lot of work! Walking in the sunshine is lovely. In the rain, not so much fun. Especially when I have to shower him down after because he’s got so muddy that a bucket of water won’t cut it. The worst thing is he has epilepsy. I spend £80 a month on medication, on top of food, insurance and grooming costs. He then has regular blood tests at £100+ a time. He seizures in the middle of the night so I’m usually up for a hour, cleaning wee off the carpet as he loses bladder control. It’s heartbreaking to watch him have them and recently it’s been a weekly occurrence. Of course, not all dogs have health issues but you have to be prepared to deal with something like this, should it arise.

Haven’t read replies so apologies for any repeat points. I’m a dog owner so not anti dog at all but!

Money. Mine costs me around £300 a month which includes a dog walker.

Extra cleaning and washing. All dogs smell

Dog crap on your lawn. Even with regular pick ups there are wet slimes ones that don’t pick up easily which is not ideal with babies and toddlers using the garden.

You will need to supervise dog/child interaction at all times which means having to isolate the dog when you can’t.

Toddlers and dogs are both unpredictable!

Training the dog is a huge time commitment but if you don’t train it well life is difficult.

Sone dogs like to chew especially puppies so you will need to keep toys and stuff out the way. Not easy with little ones to look after.

Regular exercise. You should probably set aside a couple of hours a day for walks. That means in the winter taking small children out in the rain and cold regardless everyday if your DH isn’t there to do it.

When you get back from a rain soaked walk you’ll need to rinse/dry off the dog whilst managing wet toddler clothes and pushchairs and yourself.

Restrictions on your activities. In the early puppy days you won’t be able to go out for very long and an adult dog shouldn’t be left for more than 4 hours a days.

Daycare/boarding costs for holidays, days out etc you are looking at £30 a day (ish) Dig boarders round my way book up fast I have to plan and book nearly a year in advance for my main holiday. It’s DS’s birthday soon and we want to go to London for the day. Despite messaging doggy day care two months ago they have no spaces which mean someone has to stay home and miss out.

Pet insurance, even with a full policy there a t&c’s which will likely find you quite out of pocket in the event of a claim.

Most importantly though your DH is being incredibly selfish. He wants a dog that he knows he won’t have to really take responsibility for and the real work will fall to you whilst you have a baby and toddler. That’s disgraceful.

So many great reasons already!
We got our puppy before kids and he was super clingy. Trying to crate train him was a nightmare and a disaster and we had months of broken sleep with the puppy crying every time he woke up (essentially like having a newborn). He ended up in bed with us.
I cannot stress how horrible this time was and I definitely had puppy blues. I couldn’t imagine also having a toddler and a new baby at the same time!
The only way we resolved it was to get another dog 🙃 this did help a lot, but we wouldn’t leave the dogs at home on their own as they honestly couldn’t cope for more than an hour. We had to rehome them to family members once we had kids because not being able to leave the house with children isn’t practical.
The cost of doggy daycare was astronomical. Having to pay that and also childcare would not work financially.
I could go on and on for reasons not to get a dog right now but I think you have enough of your own and everyone else’s great points too!

Toilet training with a toddler running around with dog wee and poo will be a nightmare

Mine has got super reactive and it's running my life ATM but I'm stuck with the fucker because I love him with my entire soul.

reasons not to get a dog-
You don’t want a dog and due to your dhs hours you would be mostly responsible for the dog
Training a dog takes time and is hard
You have 2 young children you won’t have the time to give to a dog
Dogs need walks is it really feasible for you to take a dog out in all weathers with two children
its not fair on the dog
poo in the garden with toddlers
dog hair everywhere with baby crawling
dogs are expensive
dogs tie you to your house especially at first it wouldn’t be fair on your children
puppies nip and can hurt
most rescues won’t give a dog to a family with young kids for good reason it’s not fair on either animal.

I’d agree to discuss it again in 5 years when both kids are at school. But be clear you are not saying you will get one in 5 years just that you are willing to reopen the conversation.

Puppies are a fucking nightmare - way harder than babies. They’re like a baby that chews everything and shits and pisses everywhere because it doesn’t wear a nappy.

Our first dog was pre-kids so the puppy phase without any kids to also deal with was annoying but fine. Our second dog was while we had a baby too and I found it exceptionally hard to deal with a puppy and a baby (plus older kids, a job, an elderly parent). I have much less of a relationship with new dog than I did with previous dog because I wasn’t able to invest the time in at the start.

It’s also a pain having dog toys and baby toys around because kids like to spread their toys out in the floor to play but puppies like to chew things and can’t differentiate between their own toys and not their toys.

If you are on mat leave you’ll be the one dealing with the puppy for most of the day. You’ll probably be the one walking it because you’re around.

On the plus side though watching the relationship grow between a baby/toddler and a puppy/dog is truly a beautiful thing to watch. Once you start weaning, babies are an endless source of food to dogs (unless you actively put the dog in a different room while you feed the baby) and the food source in return is met, in my experience, with absolute love and devotion from the dog.

I love my dog, no children at home, we are older, have family who take her at a moment’s notice….but I don’t think I’d have another one . She’s a tie.

Oh and yeah to a previous poster’s comment about toilet training. Our old dog used to try and eat the kids poo if I didn’t get there fast enough.

And dog poo in the garden, however on top of it you think you are, your kid will always manage to stand in a bit of poo when they’re playing.

I suggest your husband look into dog walking or sitting if he wants time with dogs because owning one is a lot of effort and definitely a bad idea if you don't really feel motivated.
It wouldn't be fair on any dog if you barely want it so he'd be selfish to insist that the family get a dog.

You not wanting a dog is reason enough on its own not to have one. You don't have to justify yourself. Your partner wanting to get one does not trump you not wanting one, irrespective of the objective pros and cons- especially if he would be leaving it to you to actually look after it!

The stress and complication it would place on your lives is unthinkable just now. Not to mention being completely unfair to the poor dog. Please remain resolute OP. Your husband is very deluded to think it would be right to get one.

Oh I forgot that puppies are scratchy, bitey fuckers. I think we had ours less than two weeks before I needed a tetanus booster.

Your DH is an idiot. Tiny children and a dog don't really go together.

He needs to start parenting for a few years before you can even consider bringing a dog into the mix. They are a lot of hard work.

No need for justification, just say no.

Don't fall for the 'I will do everything for the puppy' . He won't.

I had a dog that I loved dearly with a baby...a nightmare. Having to take the baby out in all weathers to walk the dog. Wake the baby up to walk the dog. Dash back from playgroup to walk the dog.

When the second child came along it was even worse trying to drag two with me.

Leave the dog on the back burner till the kids are old enough to help or be left while you walk it.

Oh and my last reason, when they become old and unwell, pet insurance is a load of crap. I was horrified to realise when my old dog, who I loved dearly, was dying that whether ot not she lived might come down to a financial decision and how much money I was willing to divert away from family funds. It was honestly heart breaking and made me despise our insurance company and the random arbitrary limits they set for different treatments. It made me think in future I’d just put the cost of the insurance to one side each month rather than paying them money that I wouldn’t fully get back. I know people who’ve spent upwards of £10k trying to keep their dog alive. That also leads into the fact that knowing when to let them go is also an awful decision. I used to judge people like the last who spent £10k as selfish because the greatest kindness you can give your dog is to recognise when they’ve suffered enough- that is until you’re in the situation and you realise dogs are born people pleasers. They’ll still find joy in life and be happy to see you right until the very end.

The best reason not to get a dog is you don't want one. If you get it you'll resent it. They limit your life, cost a fortune and are a huge commitment for over a decade. Dogs deserve loving homes where they are wanted and it's much better to never have one than have one and dislike it or rehome it. Stick to your guns.

Being a dog owner I absolutely love owning a dog it’s so rewarding and they give you such unconditional love BUT in your situation I would say No. You are being sensible in how you have weighed up the pitfalls in owning one in your situation. Stand by your decision otherwise you may end up rehoming the dog.

One reason - our dog ate poo yesterday on his walk then threw up the poo in our house. You don’t need any other reason

You know those toddler years when you can't go anywhere without being followed and you're constantly wiping, cleaning and entertaining and listening to the little voice whining for you at your feet? Add in a couple of decent walks a day and you've got that for the next 16 years.
Yes, I'm a dog owner.😁

Until your DH can demonstrate that he does an equal share of parenting and domestic chores it is a complete no as this will just be more work for you at a time when you least need it.

Puppies are as much work as toddlers. They need time, energy, consistency in training. You should not be engaging with animal faeces while pregnant. The dog will need at least 2 walks a day.

It is possible btw, but only with both of you on board and with your DH doing the lion's share. We got a puppy just before I found out I was pregnant with DD. He's a lovely dog, very calm and fantastic with kids. But that took a lot of work and training. DH banned me from picking up poo when pregnant and was diligent about doing so himself multiple times a day to ensure the garden was safe for DS (he works from home). We walked the dog all together as a family every evening as part of the "wind down for bed" routine and he came with us on most family outings (lots of dog friendly beaches nearby). DH did the early morning walk. MIL volunteered to have the dog for a couple of months around the birth as I was having a c-section. If I'd been left to do all of this myself it would have been impossible.

Another reason (poo related again 😂) my mum has 2 young dogs, after two years of owning them, one has randomly decided to start shitting on the dining table.

I am a huge dog lover and we have 2 at the moment.

But I absolutely wouldn’t advise people get a dog unless they are really clued about how much they impact your life.

Some cons-
The puppy days are brutal. Puppy blues is a real thing and almost everyone gets days where they feel like they have ruined their lives by getting this bundle of cute fluff. Toilet training, not being able to leave them, chewing, biting…

You can never just have a spontaneous full day out (unless dog going with you). You will feel guilty when you go out and leave them and spend your day saying “we must get back to the dog”

Walking them twice a day, every day. Rain or shine. Sickness or in health.

Vet bills are getting higher and higher.

When they have a tummy bug and it’s everywhere. On your nice shaggy rug, in the carpet… everywhere.

Needing holiday care.

Cost of grooming if you have a dog who needs to be clipped or kept tidy.