To ask for reasons NOT to get a dog?

[Waheymum]

I'm pregnant with my & DH's second child, first is a toddler. DH desperately wants a dog. I'm left with almost all childcare because he works irregular hours, and this wouldn't change if he had a dog so I'd be left looking after two children and a dog. I take DC1 out to groups/soft play/etc most days so it's not like I'm sitting around at home to look after a dog. On top of this, I just don't want one: I'm not ready to commit to a dog, they're a lot of work, I couldn't just take a dog out with my DCs to kids' activities.

AIBU not to want a dog at this time, and could you relay some experiences/stories that explain why it's a bad idea?

@Waheymum i have dogs whom i love very much . ( i also have one dependent at home ) and its very restrictive .
So much times I’ve wanted to just head off somewhere and can’t.
It’s dog sitters (which I don’t have ) or accommodation with dogs . Not always possible .
You will feel it more as the kids are older.
Your dh has some cheek when he isn’t even doing any childcare .
Do you have time off ?
Will he train a a puppy ? Will
he watch the dog and two kids when you want /deserve child free time on his days off . I doubt it as it’s too much .

Id say no it’s changes everything.

God no, with toddlers and babies?! Insanity. You’ll spend your life separating them or stressing about keeping them apart. You can barely nip for a wee as it is, let alone having to cordon a dog off somewhere too. Trying to train a puppy while getting a baby to nap? It’ll bark and drive you insane. Just a truly truly terrible idea. Wait until the kids are older and begging for a dog and then maybe reconsider, and really only if your husband is around more to look after it.

So much more work. Their needs cannot be ignored. Always needing a walk. They are dirty too and you have to clean up after them a lot.

My ex declared he would get up at 6am every day to walk the dog. Bullshit. It’s all down to me.

And it will all be on you. And if you don’t keep up, you’ll be blamed.

Toddlers need training . Dogs need training. You will be getting up in the night with a baby, potty training your older one and toilet training a dog. Google vets bills. Kennel costs are large and kennels can be very strict about things like Christmas stays ( our local kennels requires dogs to be dropped off on the 23rd Dec and picked up on the 27th with no pick ups in between. You might only need 2 days but have to pay for 5, if you can get a space) When they come back from kennels they STINK. You will have to wash with a hosepipe/ put in the bath ( then clean the bath). You will come back from a holiday with a mountain of washing, car full of sand and beach stuff and it will become your job to collect the dog on the Monday, wash it and then have a house that stinks of wet dog all day.
They smell
They poo/ pee wherever and have to be trained not to.
They chew everything
They don't walk nicely beside the pram unless trained to do so.
When it's cold and throwing it down you have to take them out. When your toddler is playing happily and your baby is asleep you have to take them out.

I have two dogs, I’ve had dogs all my life, it’s fair to say that I love dogs….❤️🐶❤️🐶❤️

My advice… DO NOT GET A DOG.

You don’t want one above all. You’ll be responsible for everything (with no experience I assume?) You have very young (unborn/newborn in one case!) kids. You don’t need any more reasons.

DO NOT CAVE.

If you want to be amazingly understanding I’d say something along the lines of it not being practical at this stage of your lives but you’ll review when his hours change, when the kids are in school, when hell freezes over… you get the idea.

Good luck, OP, hold firm 😀

Your friend is a bit thick. There is no such thing as 'a gentle breed'. Dogs are like people - most of them are perfectly lovely but there will always be some who are not. It's not about the breed, its about the individual dog and also it's upbringing. I can't help thinking that if she was stupid enough to think there are gentle breeds, she was probably too stupid to bring it up responsibly. The dog has most likely suffered as a result of her stupidity. I'd love there to be some sort of formal vetting process for potential dog owners.

We both wanted a dog and got one when ttc DS as we had just decided it was going to take ages. I got pregnant literally the next week. It actually worked out completely fine although the teenage puppy/ heavily pregnant me phase was tough. We super lucked out with our dog and she was bought from friends who socialise them around young children. She's been great for our kids to grow up with. We also pay for a dog walker/ dog sitter. We could definitely afford a much better class of holiday without all the dog costs!

BUT I think you would be mad to as you already have a toddler- bad combo with a puppy, it doesn't sound like your DH will help and mainly you don't want one! Stick to your guns! It's so depressing when one sees dogs being re homed because they are reactive around kids etc. I don't think fair on you, your kids or the dog.

How rude. She is most definitely not thick😂 and bad owned labs all her life. This one was a bit bitey and she didnt want to risk it.

It's like having 2 newborns, insane idea! I adore my dog, but we waited til our kids were much older (9) before getting him. You can't give a dog AND a baby, let alone a toddler as well, sufficient attention. You'd be absolutely run ragged and more than exhausted.

No is a full sentence. There are things that rely on two people to agree to, to happen, and getting a dog is one of them. Would your DH be happy if you unilaterally decided to have another child after this one?

My kids keep asking about pets and I am just clear that until they are old enough to look after a pet independently, we aren’t getting one. I’d like a dog one day, but I have 3 kids and it would be too much. We’ve agreed we will get one when the kids are a lot older.

They’re a humongous pain in the arse.

They’re like a needy, whiny kind, who never grows up.

You’re definitely ‘a bit thick’ yourself if you spout off the ‘it’s the dog’, not the breed bollocks.

Dogs and very young children often don’t mix very well. Puppies are really hard work and young kids will react to jumping and biting by screeching and flailing, exacerbating the behaviour. So you will end up with a jumpy bitey nightmare.

If you are going to get one best to wait until older and they can be involved in training the dog and also understand the dog’s boundaries.

When our dog was little he caused £5000 of damage in our home in one day from boredom while we were at A&E. That's just one instance of damage, there were many smaller instances.

Now he is older he is losing his mobility. He also got fly strike a few years ago. We had maggots climbing up our walls and doors. The vet said it is more common in older dogs as their skin thins out and they lay in damp patches. Don't Google fly strike if you're squeamish, but just know it's a possibility in aging dogs.

If he poos in the grass before we've mowed the lawn, some bits aren't seen to be picked up and then you splatter dog shit everywhere unknowingly when you think you've picked it all up.

Over the years he's burst kids paddling pools in the summer getting in and out playing with the kids.

I love DDog but if you couldn't cope with the stuff I've put up with, don't get a dog.

Both things are true I think this argument always becomes circular:

• Yes it is the case that some owners create badly behaved dogs
• But it is also the case that some dogs are more dangerous than others - I don’t believe in a gentle dog either but I do believe in a more aggressive one. A Labrador is a safer bet than a Cane Corso. So an average owner could end up with a reasonable Labrador and an aggressive Cane Corso. Specifically they are an example of dogs I simply don’t think should be allowed as pets.
• However it is also the case that any dog can turn - a friend recently had to PTS a cavapoo because it bit so badly she needed stitches.
• My favourite bit about “it’s not the dog it’s the owners” people is that their dogs are usually the biggest pita!

I’ve just had to spend 900 quid on the dogs teeth.

Reasons not to get a dog …
You just don’t want one

Why do you need extra reasons? You don't want one and it would give you more work at a time you're already very busy!

If DH wants one that much, he can change HIS lifestyle to make it possible. And do the work.

Do NOT cave.

You are your own woman and don't need to justify a decision that will have such an impact on you. Dogs are a luxury item these days. Check out insurance costs. Also it's unfair that the person who is out of the house more assumes that the mother of his children is fine to take on more work because it suits him.

My friend is having to pay £2300 for her dogs toe amputating today, because she missed 1 month of paying the insurance and now her renewed policy doesn't cover pre-existing conditions.

Ugh definitely not in your shoes. Wait until your DC are upper primary and your DH will pull his weight.

Hi, OP. I've only read the posts on the first page and agree wholeheartedly with all the advice given. We care for our daughter's dog when she and her partner are on holiday, when they can't have her due to work commitments (not often as my daughter's partner works in a job where he can usually take her) or when they're out for long periods. We love the dog dearly and she brings great joy and fun but we wouldn't want a dog full time for all the reasons posted here. The dog is a cockapoo so doesn't shed but dogs that don't shed need regular grooms to avoid their coats becoming matted. My daughter grooms and baths her frequently so she doesn't smell. She's a lovely natured dog and a joy to have around but that's because we know we can hand her back. 😊 My daughter and her partner both thought very carefully before having a dog, have no children and asked us beforehand if we were willing to help out. My daughter is wfh and as mentioned, her partner is often able to take her to work with him.
On a final note, my daughter and her partner took the dog as a rehome from a family with several children when one parent apparently had a health issue. Even though the dog is very low maintenance, I do wonder if that family found that having several children and a dog was a step too far.
You obviously have grave concerns so I would trust your feelings and perhaps suggest to your husband that you revisit the idea of having a dog when your children are older.
Good luck. 😊

@Waheymum he is being very unrealistic and totally selfish in wanting a dog at this time. Clearly he will not be able to look after the dog at all. Time, money and safety as well as your willingness all mean it is a definite NO

My ex H did this to me, wanted to get a dog, eventually got the kids involved in the asking for a dog, constant pressure. The same man who worked shifts and hardly lifted a finger in the housework or childcare department. I was a hard no, I don’t have the time or the inclination to add a dog to the already massive workload I manage. I would write a list of all the things you do, tell your H that you want him to take over a large proportion of it and then you will consider it when there’s a better workload split. Then tell him to investigate dog walkers and kennels, vets and pet insurance and ask him which of his personal savings he will be using to pay for these things. Trust me, all of that thought process will make him pause.

I would love a dog. I work long hours and live alone. So it’s a hard no.

it might still be a no when I retire because

1. i believe pets should be well cared for. So that’s a walk every day regardless of the weather, me health, my schedule. It’s a huge commitment.
2. its a lottery on personality. Some are lovely, some are barkers, some are reactive to other dogs.
3. dog walkers can be very agressive. I have been walking my brothers dog and a man kicked the dog and swore at me. Very frightening.
4. Proper care is expensive - good quality pet food, insurance, vet checks, damage to the house.
5. holidays become a struggle. Kennel fees and guilt. I left my cat in a cattery for two weeks and she got very sick. The guilt was huge.

Your husband will leave all the work to you.