To ask for reasons NOT to get a dog?

[Waheymum]

I'm pregnant with my & DH's second child, first is a toddler. DH desperately wants a dog. I'm left with almost all childcare because he works irregular hours, and this wouldn't change if he had a dog so I'd be left looking after two children and a dog. I take DC1 out to groups/soft play/etc most days so it's not like I'm sitting around at home to look after a dog. On top of this, I just don't want one: I'm not ready to commit to a dog, they're a lot of work, I couldn't just take a dog out with my DCs to kids' activities.

AIBU not to want a dog at this time, and could you relay some experiences/stories that explain why it's a bad idea?

Restrictive in terms of going away. You will either need a massive car (we have an estate with a roof box and that is for just one toddler and a dog!) or pay an average of £25 a day for kennels with very narrow drop off and pick up times. So a 5 day break might mean 7 days at the kennel.

Do you plan to be a SAHM long term? If not then who will walk the dog when you are both working? We have a dog walker twice a week, and although not expensive at £12 an hour it still adds up.

If you get a puppy who is going to train it? If not a puppy then it would be a rescue? Many won't allow families with young children to adopt. Either way you would need to do a lot of research into the type of dog you want that is good with children and also fits your lifestyle - how much exercise, entertainment, stimulation do they need etc.

Cost of vet bills, insurance, food...
The list goes on.

My sister's husband and kids begged for a dog for years. She eventually gave in, but she is the one to care for it. Now her kids are older and she would've been able to sleep for longer, go out for social time, she's finding that she still can't do any of this as she needs to wake early for the dog, can't go out for longer than 2 hours etc. Nobody else helps.
Don't get me wrong, she loves the dog and wouldn't change it, but it's a whole additional responsibility that you're likely going to have to take on.

Get a cat. They're lovely

Simple answer is it wouldn't be fair on the dog.

They smell, they are ugly, they are anti-social and make you look a bit of a dimwit.

Puss cats for life! ✊

My husband and I have a Labrador who is just over a year old. He's calming down but it has been incredibly difficult. We don't have kids and I can't imagine having had him alongside children. We love him but I'll be honest, it's really limiting.

As a side note, he ate a carrier bag the other day and it cost us £800 at the vets for induced vomiting. We're hopefully claiming it back through his insurance but they're in no rush to process the claim. Even a course of medication for a standard ear infection cost us £70 recently, and that's excluding the monthly pet plan which covered the consultation. £70 just for a couple of medications.

You don’t need a dog at this moment in time, maybe when your youngest is about 5/6, but not now.
As someone that worked for rescues, so many dogs came in as a result of over extending and thinking bring a dog into the family to make it complete, it won’t work and you will end up surrendering it, because of time, the extra work and the lack of interest by whoever suggested it in the first place.
Your children need to be taught how to act around dogs, how to remain calm, how to respect their needs and this can be taught without you having to own one.
Tell him he’ll have to wait, but you don’t mind visits by relatives from relatives who have one, don’t refuse to associate your kids with dogs and cats, just introduce them to other people’s.
Time to get a dog, is when you have the time to deal with one and if you decide to get one, get one that is already toilet trained and has been taught basic commands already.

The person who’ll be doing the dog care gets the final say. End of.

Definitely no way with a little one and being pregnant! I’m in my 40s with a puppy and it’s hit me like a tone if bricks, he’s been up a lot during the night, had diarrhoea, emergency visits to vets, I’m actually exhausted! I love dogs but I’d definitely wait a few years. Since he’s at work you should get final say!

That was quite good value the £800 and a good outcome! I have friends with dogs PTS after eating rubbish etc

Fleas and flea risk.
Dog hair everywhere
Having to walk it when it is cold, freezing, dark and raining.
Dog smell in the house.
Vet fees.
Costs of feeding.
Picking up and disposing of dog shit.
Training it if its a puppy.

Oh my god no. Not with a toddler and a baby, no, no, no.

Too much looking after , you'd never be able to leave it alone with the baby, irrespective of the breed. They are such jealous animals, it's unreal.

You'll have to drag two babies out twice a day to walk it, irrespective of the weather, illness, tantrums etc. you'll have to wheel a buggy, hold a young child's hand, control the dog and pick up several poos every time.

Who is going to train it? That's a full time job for months.

Going on in holiday is a nightmare , it's either pay £25 quid a day for a horrible kennels or take the dog with you and be very very limited in what you can do - you can't leave it in a holiday cottage alone, you can't leave it in the car in the heat, you can't take it into most places.

They cost a fortune in vets fees , they eat their own poo, get fleas, worms and ticks which you have to deal with. They chew household items and wreck them. They will eat anything they decide is edible and vom and shit everwhere when it's not.

They'll bark when someone knocks at the door , waking the baby.

If you get a puppy you'll be dealing with that at night as well as the baby .

They can be bitey when teething and will painfully nip kids when playing until they learn not to.

Their hair gets everywhere and it's a full time job trying to stop it building up on every floor and surface.

Unless and until very well trained they'll snatch food from the mouths and hands of small kids any chance they get.

Do. Not. Give. In.

You will regret it bitterly if you do. It's always the person who didn't want the dog who ends up doing all the hard work.

I walk a friends dog sometimes but I would NEVER get one
I grew up with dogs too and actually like them
She is lovely but; she eats poo, rolls in poo then vomits the poo back up
So she needs a FULL wash and dry after a poo roll
She also poos constantly, picking up sloppy poo is tricky
She also smells and her breath always smells
She isnt a hairy dog yet there is always hair everywhere after she has been
She is always car sick too so no long jouneys to the beach just the same old boring local walks

OP you are in absolutely no position to get a dog being pregnant and having a toddler
YOur DH is absolutely ridiculous to be considering it and also pressurig you
A reputable breeder shouldnt even entertain the idea of giving you a puppy

So many people I know with dogs are so tied and are very vocal about never getting a dog again once it dies

Also they get sick (cancer) and you end up in this dreadful cycle of paying for treatment that isnt covered by the pet insurance and they end being PTS anyways (friends experience £15K spent) which is incredibly distressing and traumatic

Enjoy the new baby and toddler, thats also very different to having one baby too!

From a canine behavioural and family systems perspective, this is very likely a high-stress, low-benefit timing.

You are not being selfish.

You are protecting:
*Your mental health
*Your children
*Your marriage
*And the potential future dog

That is actually what responsible dog ownership looks like. The families who regret getting dogs are rarely the ones who waited..

in the nicest way it shouldn’t even be up for debate at this stage of your lives.

If he was around to help then that might be different. I would say wait until the youngest starts school at least and see where your up too- you may be looking at retuning to work by then?

Either way the pup would need training which takes a solid year really of input, they don’t come trained.

Your focus would be split too much right now and it would probable be the Pup that would suffer in the long term.
There are soooo many Pups around 8-9 months old that get re homed as they became too much for their humans

He doesn't want a dog, he wants to live in the 50s with you doing all family things and him showing everyone pictures of his white picket fence. He doesn't live a life conducive to having a dog.

We have 2 kids and a dog and my husband does most fo the dog care, started when I was breastfeeding because he couldn't feed the babies but he could take over the dogs. The dog barks and wakes the kids. Gets in the way of having people home from school. Has o be considered evern when kids get sick and need to go to hospital etc etc. our dog is 10 though and been around pre kids. And when he's gone the kids will be older and we'd probably get another but we live a life where we both work but everyday one of us is in the house most of the day.

Because cats are easier

What the fuck is wrong with these men? Why do they expect women to pick up the slack on everything. He works irregular hours so you get to look after the dog HE wants. Tell him to fuck right off. You will end up resenting him and the dog. You have enough caring responsibilities with a toddler and a baby on the way. Tell him if he wants a dog he needs to get a job working from home so he can be responsible for walking the dog and being at home. You need to put yourself and the kids first. Don't be chained to the house because you have a dog that can't be left alone for more than an hour. Put your foot down OP. Picking up dog shit is all you'd need to say to me to make me not want a dog.

Surely it's a case of change your job to a hybrid role and we can an discuss.

I'd say in your position that it is a definite no for now and might consider it again when the baby is 3 or 4 and see how things are. I can't even imagine having a puppy with a baby and very young child. It's not that dogs are like another child exactly but there are parallels in their care eg teething, toilet training etc. It is exhausting!!
Obviously a lot of responsibility with an adolescent/adult dog too but you do get a lovely bond (which is why I'd potentially consider later on when your kids have slightly fewer demands and might appreciate having a pup more themselves). Mine were 4 and 8 when we got a got a puppy and it was fine, though have fairly low standards for my house

My OH wants a cat. He works away. We have an 18 month old and I am pregnant with number 2. I am not budging from not feeding or cleaning up after his cat. The cat won't happen until he gets a job which allows him 100% of day to day cat care.

I had young kids and puppies. And I’ve always had dogs. I did everyone a massive disservice. The kids got nipped and have scars. And I didn’t get a chance to train the dogs properly. And you really only get one age gap for doing it properly. Prams snd dogs are a fucking nightmare.

A lot of cons have been mentioned already

Tying - emotionally, financially and physically.
they will add lots to your life, but there will also be times when you will feel frustrated. You need to make sure you have insurance. You physically need to be where they are, whether that is at home or make sure they are looked after.

They also smell. There is also an extra layer added to your school run (poo bags and dog enrichment).

@Waheymumyou haven’t even had time to return to this thread you started a couple of days ago.

You definitely do not have time for a dog.

I'm curious as to why your DH wants when he would hardly see it as he's working?
Long time dog owner and lover here. Don't get a dog if you don't want one. They are lovely but immensely hard work and a serious commitment. If DH brings home a puppy, make him take it back. I'm really soft hearted with animals but I can't see how having a dog would work well in your current situation.

No is a complete sentence here. Dogs are a massive tie. Unless your husband works from home 95% of the time you will be walking/training and having to be around for it. You don't want that kind of tie when your kids are small especially. Cats on the other hand are amazing. We had the debate whether to get a dog and ultimately decided not because of the tie to the house. Our cat is wonderful with them though. He takes himself for a walk, loves our children (he will always see our youngest to sleep before going into my older child) when both are asleep he comes down and snuggles us on the sofa before we go to bed. He isn't fussed if we go out for the day and is about as low maintenance as can be. As someone who grew up with dogs I feel like I had all the perks and snuggles of a dog, without the tie and stress.