To ask for reasons NOT to get a dog?

[Waheymum]

I'm pregnant with my & DH's second child, first is a toddler. DH desperately wants a dog. I'm left with almost all childcare because he works irregular hours, and this wouldn't change if he had a dog so I'd be left looking after two children and a dog. I take DC1 out to groups/soft play/etc most days so it's not like I'm sitting around at home to look after a dog. On top of this, I just don't want one: I'm not ready to commit to a dog, they're a lot of work, I couldn't just take a dog out with my DCs to kids' activities.

AIBU not to want a dog at this time, and could you relay some experiences/stories that explain why it's a bad idea?

I’ve owned dogs in the past, but not any more. The smell (dogs always smell) the mess, the exercising, the training, the responsibility, and they are a tie with holidays etc.

Unless you really want one, I’d not get one.

You’ve set out enough reasons already! I adore my dog but I’m so glad we got her when the kids were a bit older…for one thing it means I can take the dog out and leave them at home. Imagine a rainy day and having to get a toddler and baby all ready for a dog walk, several times a day. Dogs (especially young ones) need a lot of time and attention spent on them as they can find their own entertainment otherwise!

Kick it into the long grass. Tell DH you wouldn’t manage 2 small ones and a dog, but hold that thought until kids are older and can help take care of him/her.

Cons:

Work - need training, walking and attention/love
Expensive- - food, kit, VET
Tied - hard to go away as can’t leave dog
Safety - always a risk with animals and small children of injury or attack
Focus - young children need most attention, not fair on dog or them if you are trying to look after both
Health some kids have pet allergies, germs from licking etc
Mess not all dogs are well behaved, dog + kids mess to tidy no fun, puppy training = lots accidents on the floors kids be crawling on
Toys hard to leave kids toys out, dog understandably want to play with them
Support reality is if DH working the care be falling on you mainly when your hands already full
Poo Patrol - having to pick up every single parcel they do from cradle to rainbow bridge

Could say you would rather wait until kids older so you can pick dog as a family, make it a key family memory and get a dog when they can help/appreciate it more.

My OH loves dogs and really really wants one. I like them too but when he met a breeder who bred lovely puppies and wanted to get one. Problem is, he works offshore. I simply said if you think WE are getting a puppy and then YOU are pretty much immediately going to go offshore leaving ME to look after our child and our house and a puppy by myself (not to mention doing my own job) for weeks at a time, then you can think again!!

Do NOT agree to this. The only reason is “I’m not looking after a dog because I don’t want to”.

I have a dog. He’s 11 years old. I adore him and will be devastated when he passes.
BUT
There is no denying that my life will be easier and cheaper. It’s a massive commitment for sure.

Tell DH if he can take the dog to work with him every day for the next x years then go ahead. Otherwise it’s a hard no.

I wouldn’t be without mine but I wfh and my DC are adults.

Your DH is a naive wally! We got our DDog when the DCs were 10, 9 and 7, and although he's great and we love him, it's been hard work. We can no longer go out for the whole day, we struggle to visit family and on the rare occasion I'm really ill I've still got to see to his needs. I had never had a dog before so I wasn't sure what to expect. DH had dogs when he was a child, but it turns out his parents shut their dogs in a kitchen all day!
Your reasons are perfectly valid for not getting one. Don't let him try to convince you otherwise.

We have a lovely dog - our first and I’ve already said never again! A puppy is considerably more difficult to raise than a baby/toddler. I adore our dog but he’s just another consideration when we want to go out or do anything!

I’ve had dogs for 20 years. It’s a massive commitment. These would be the main points to consider.

you can’t spontaneously go away unless you can bring the dog.

you’re walking in all weather, 365 days a year. This is non negotiable - dogs must have adequate exercise

it will require more effort to keep your home clean. Mud, hair, accidents in the house, managing illness

puppies are not for the faint of heart. They’re a lot of work and demand a lot of attention. Many novice dog owners find the first couple of years very hard

the cost of keeping a dog - it’s not cheap

Ask yourself how you would manage a dog with behavioural difficulties, should you end up in thst situation

how will you manage it if you both work? Dogs cannot be left all day

caring for an elderly dog can be very challenging

Honestly your heart isn’t in it and that’s absolutely fine and sensible. Your husband is being impulsive and not thinking things through.

you’re also pregnant with a toddler! I’ve been there. I had 5 dogs at one point. Im very experienced and even I found it difficult to manage. It was baby, dogs and then myself a very distant last!

having a dog is wonderful BUT it’s not for everyone. It’s a massive 15 odd year commitment

I love my dogs. But you should not get a dog if you are both not desperate for one and have the time. It’s incredibly tying. Not being able to leave home for more than a few hours/go away etc. walks, training etc. my brother’s dog is coming up to 16 years so it is a long commitment. We’ve also had vets bills running to thousands combined- mostly insured but…. Once they both had gastrointestinal infections at the same time and I spent our wedding anniversary scrubbing dog diarrhoea out of the carpet

I’ve had dogs all my life and now my kids have left home. I work from home and there is still no fucking way I’d get any more dogs. We have a farm with sheep, horses, chickens and ducks and cats. The dogs were still the biggest bind.

Personally I found a puppy a lot harder than a newborn, they are nothing short of a fucking nightmare

we got ours when my daughter was 13 and it was perfect, she needed me less and I spent my time training and walking him. Then I got pregnant 😂 so I now have a baby and a 3 year old dog and it’s rough. Whatever the weather I have to walk him with a baby in tow and I hate the dirt now there’s a little one crawling around (and limited time/energy to clean)

save it for when the kids grow up a bit and need you less. I love my dog but life would be so much easier right now without him

Just don’t do it. My last dog was extremely aggressive. She was brought up in a loving way same as my other dog who wasn’t aggressive. I didn’t trust her with my friends kids and had to lock her up when they came round. Couldn’t take her out properly as she would growl and lunge at small children and animals.

I have a dog and small children.

I find meeting everyone’s needs quotes challenging.

You have enough caring responsibilities with two young kids, adding a dog is just more jobs for you - and a to to another routine.

• They smell
• You would in introducing a load of germs to your house when you have very young children
• Dogs are dangerous around babies - yes any dog, you can’t trust any of them
• You will have toddlers wanting to eat baby food
• There are already far too many dogs in this country and they are terrible for the environment - you don’t need to contribute to the problem

We have a 12 week old puppy and it’s like having 3 toddlers at once - seriously need eyes in the back of your head. We have older teens and said we wouldn’t consider a dog until they were old enough to do their bit, but it’s still really hard work physically and emotionally. The cleaning is endless, the monitoring, the chewing, the training, the nipping (no way with a baby in the house), brushing, washing, toilet training (in the garden every half hour + after food, play, excitement, sleep etc), lack of sleep, storage (they actually need a lot of stuff), the cost and you really do worry about them like you would a child which is an additional mental load. We love him to bits but no way would we have done it with a newborn / young children - you’re basically giving yourself an extra baby to look after and one that is mobile from the off. It wouldn’t be fair on anyone including the pup.

What you have posted is enough! If he isn’t able to look after a dog, you don’t get one. You have enough on your plate.

Plus, you don’t cWANT one. All parties involved should want a dog; they are a huge commitment.

We didn’t get a dog until the children were school age. You meet to teach the children how to behave around a dog and a very small child is not going to understand. I just wouldn’t. As you will be doing the work, you get to decide and you don’t want one so that that.

i love dogs and was desperate for a dog but waited til my youngest was 4 and I think that’s absolutely the earliest that works with a puppy

You would have to be absolutely bonkers to get a dog right now and your DH sounds like a selfish arse!

There are many reasons but for me the key ones are that dogs stink and you have to pick up their shit. Oh and they are very tying too

So my DH and children wanted a dog for ages.
I said ' fine, but I will not have anything to do with the dog, i will not walk it, feed it, pay for its food or medical treatment, stroke it or interact with it as I do not want a dog. If you want a dog it can live here but I am not having anything to do with it you have to organise and sort everything for the dog' so they didnt get a dog.
We dog sat a family members dog last year for a month while they were away.. they were all so excited about having the dog and doing dog things with the dog.. perfect opportunity to trial being dog owners.
Low and behold.. who ended up after the first week walking it, feeding it and picking up its poo and keeping it company.. yes ME. All me after the first week.
As usual it defaulted to me to do it all.
Moral of the story.. don't get a dog unless YOU want one.

You would be mad to even think about getting a dog while you are pregnant/have a baby.

I loved my dog so much and she was incredibly gentle - has had for years when I got pregnant - and when DD was a newborn I passionately wished I didn't have the dog..... You can never trust any dog around a baby, so that means constant supervision, never leaving dig and baby alone in a room even for a fraction of a second, because the situation can turn so quickly - it's something about the pitch a baby cries at, that has the potential to aggeavatte even the gentlest kindest dog.....

You would basically be making your life massively harder than it needs to be........

My friend got a gentle breed of puppy when her kids were small and had to send it back after two months as it bit her child. I am sure it was a lab as well which are supposed to be docile.

Any responsible breeder would not give a puppy to a pregnant woman. It is highly irresponsible to bring a puppy into a house with very small children. There is a reason why the dog rescue places won't rehome most of their dogs with young kids, let alone babies. That leaves your only option being an irresponsible breeder which is a huge risk. There's your argument.

Getting a dog is like having a child in that before you do anything, you have to plan and a mutual agreement. You have to sit down and look at the cost of food, insurance, vets bills, training as well as who is going to take responsibility for walks, feeding, training, finding dog sitters etc. Until you have a mutual agreement on that (and until you have older kids), you should not bring a dog into the house.