To ask for reasons NOT to get a dog?

[Waheymum]

I'm pregnant with my & DH's second child, first is a toddler. DH desperately wants a dog. I'm left with almost all childcare because he works irregular hours, and this wouldn't change if he had a dog so I'd be left looking after two children and a dog. I take DC1 out to groups/soft play/etc most days so it's not like I'm sitting around at home to look after a dog. On top of this, I just don't want one: I'm not ready to commit to a dog, they're a lot of work, I couldn't just take a dog out with my DCs to kids' activities.

AIBU not to want a dog at this time, and could you relay some experiences/stories that explain why it's a bad idea?

I work with people who have just taken on a puppy, so 3/4 days a week I am advising on how to raise, train, handle, dogs from 8 weeks to late adolescence... and I am a dog behaviourist, for context.

Don't do it.

A puppy takes to around 2 years, on average (small breeds a bit quicker, giant ones a bit slower) to stop being super mega needy and requiring you to compromise on your life in and out of your house.

Thats 2 years of hard work, prioritising their needs over your own and with children around too thats constantly juggling who needs what/when and the needs will often conflict. That inevitably means the dog is the one who misses out (and you) because the children are the priority. However a dog missing out on the training, enrichment, exercise and interaction they need = behaviour problems down the line.

With a rescue dog, if you get LUCKY it will be 6 months of settling in and training, chances are you won't because dogs sent to rescues are rarely steady older dogs without issues, they're usually early adolescents booted out of homes that did not have the time to see a dog through its adolescence.

So potentially a rescue dog is still a year or two of serious compromise to the lifestyle you actually want to lead.

Often people get very fixated on the image of the ideal, perfect, lovely adult dog who will lie in a basket quietly in the day (as my lovely perfect adult dogs are currently doing!) and be happy to pop out for a walk or a run, engage in a game or two in the back garden and then back to their basket. Thats pretty unrealistic even for a sensible adult dog but its pie in the sky for a young dog or a new rescue.

Every single shift at work, I'd say half the people I talk to got a dog/puppy they did not have time for, cannot make time for, and are building behaviour problems as a result of that lack of time - loving the dog and wanting the dog are not enough.

The end result unfortunately tends to be a dog being rehomed or sold on, and having missed out on the necessary input during their early months, means its much more likely they will lose the next home too...

Worst case scenario, children end up injured or.. worse.

If he really wants a dog and loves dogs, he'll be happy to wait until your youngest child is of an age to be somewhat independent, follow instructions reliably, be able to wait for a parents attention.

For some kids that might be 7 or 8. For some it might not be til 18+!

I have a lovely adult dog in an adult-only home where all three of us can currently work flexibly, and last week I STILL felt like putting her up for rehoming because it felt like too much to meet her needs.

Don't do it.

Listen to a few true crime podcasts if you want to be put off. Dog walkers are always stumbling across bodies.

An unusual reason, and one you don’t often see posted as a reason for not getting a dog! (And made me smile).

Is your DH a bit simple? Or is he just happy to treat you as his employee with no respect for your wishes?

Saying “no that’s a terrible idea” should be enough. Ask him if he will be available 7am AND 7pm every single day to take the dog out for a 30 minute walk, where he be expect to pick up its 💩 With his work it sounds like that is a commitment he can’t make.

If he suggests you can walk it, point out that you would need to take the kids with you as you can’t leave the kids home alone, and that’s just not going to happen; with breakfast, school, dinner and bedtimes to contend with. Unless you want your dog to soil the house, you have to take them out at the same sort of time every day.

You could do the math too. With insurance, food, grooming, equipment, vets and training costs it can easily be £2000 extra a year and that doesn’t include pet sitter or kennel cost if you go away.

Then is the very real risk of having a dog with small children. I’m gonna stick my neck out and assume he’s not thinking about getting a Chihuahua or a cute little king Charles spaniel. Blokes who want dogs usually want big dogs.

Why would he want to introduce something that could rip your children’s faces off into the mix? Yes, of course dogs can be trained but not by him if he’s gonna be out at work. You are not gonna have the time to do it given that you’re meant to be looking after a ‘training’ actual children. So the alternative is to pay someone to train your dog and that would literally cost you thousands (and one of you still has to be involved.)

In your case it is a bad idea because your DH is an idiot.

Because he hasn’t thought through regular walking while he is at work

The conflict between family time and dog friendly activity (you can’t even take dogs into children’s play areas at the park, so no you can’t walk the dog when you take the toddler out)

Just say No.

You won’t do the extra cleaning that a muddy arse licking shit eating dog will bring into the home of your tiny children

You won’t do the walking with a baby and toddler in tow

He won’t have the time to train it

You will not spend your days indoors with an untrained unwalked frustrated dog and a vulnerable baby

Add up the cost. Ask a responsible dog owner for realistic food, vet insurance , equipment and dog sitting / kennel costs.
Its a lot.

Then is the very real risk of having a dog with small children. I’m gonna stick my neck out and assume he’s not thinking about getting a Chihuahua

And chihuahuas are bitey little bastards anyway.

His working hours don't suit a dog, so he doesn't get a dog. He'll live.

We got a puppy when my children were 1 and 3.
She is an amazing dog now (3 years down the line) and she is fabulous with the children as they have grown up together. Would I do it again, I'm not sure.
But here are some realities to show your husband: firstly cost insurance is £60 a month (starts cheap but goes up quickly), food is nearly £150, plus vet visits, toys etc. Plus dog boarding etc for holidays

Training: expensive and timely. We have spent a lot of money to train our dog well but its a lot of work, time and commitment, although it has paid off now. An untrained dog around children is difficult to manage.
Mess: whilst toilet training in your house, then dog mess in the garden to pick up, dog hair so more housework. In the wet weather muddy, wet feet constantly after going in the garden to toilet or walking. Mess in the car.
Exercise: Dog walking, in reality my dog needs more exercise than the kids will/can walk so needs walking additionally to that, which means one of us has to go out every night.
Seperating: everytime you leave the room, shower etc you need to seperate and it gets tiring.i trust our dog 100 persent but still would never leave them alone together.
Plus we had all the extras of chewing, she chewed our curtains, television wire, kids toys, shoes.
Behavioural issues: a dog with a behavioural issue, resource guarding, separation anxiety, aggressive etc.....
Days out: we have to plan days out, and if we cant take the dog find someone to come in and let her out/feed etc, I am lucky that my MIL will have her at her house if we plan to be out all day but not everyone has this option.

I hope this helps 😀

Most of the time, you only need ONE reason for decisive action: I just don't want one: I'm not ready to commit to a dog, they're a lot of work, I couldn't just take a dog out with my DCs to kids' activities. ALSO, I saw a TV program where a gentleman was arguing that keeping pets is not "environmentally friendly". ALSO, have you not seen the recent disturbing reporting where a young woman had to borrow £10,000 (£10K) for her dog's veterinary care?

For the dog's sake, I'm begging you not to do this. You know it's a dreadful idea, that's obvious from your post. A colossal extra burden for you while you're recovering from the birth and coping with a new baby, potentially dangerous to two little children and miserable for the poor animal.

Miserable not only because no one will really have time or energy to look after the dog, let alone give it all the love a pet animal deserves, but also because there's a risk it could panic and snap at a child, which could lead to it being put down.

Please wait till the children are at school. A dog is a wonderful companion for children who are old enough to know how to interact with it and take care of it.

House training . Walks. Vet fees. Just is endless
Wait a few years

Don't do it OP. Unless you get a chilled out older rescue. We had older dogs when DD was young, and they were amazing, and really added alot to our family. However, we now have a puppy and he is a huge amount of work, so much that there is no way we could have managed him when DD was little. She's 12 now and helps alot. Really put your foot down here and wait until your kids are much older.

Of course you don’t want one. As you know, it will become your total responsibility even if he swears it won’t be. Don’t listen! Don’t get sucked in by cute Instas that he will send you! Plus you will only ever go on self-catering holidays that allow dogs which means you will be doing all the usual grunt work but in a less well-equipped house for two weeks. Have I convinced you to stay strong?

I'm a dog owner. He's a reactive dog and a rescue. It is incredibly hard work. I have two teenagers. If I had a younger child, especially a baby, I wouldn't have got him, even if my husband desperately wanted one. It's not even just about the impact it would have on you and your family to be honest, it's also the impact it would have on the dog. It's a lifelong commitment. Dreaming and desperately wanting a dog doesn't mean you are ready for one. Sounds like you're the practical one in your relationship!

Because eventually, your dog will become old, blind, arthritic and incontinent and it will break your heart in a million ways you never imagined having to make the decision to have them put down.

Please don’t ask me how I know. It’s all a bit real here today.

Wouldn’t have done without him, though.

Just tell him no,. Maybe when the children are older.

You're partners, in a 50/50 relationship. "I don't want one" is absolutely valid. Besides that, you've a lot of logical reasons too. I'd be more worried about why your dh isn't listening to you and valuing your opinions/feelings.